parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

Right, who are all better at math than me, so there you go.

[ he wins!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok but realistically dave is. probably better at math than a lot of them. not science? but math. ]

I think you're gettin' your hopes up on quality here.

No, they aren't. [Like. They aren't?] You're definitely better at math than John, Rose, Kanaya, and Karkat. I'd bet you're better than Jake and Jade. You'd also have me and Roxy beat. None of us are idiots. [...Well.] Okay, maybe John and the trolls aren't as intellectually-minded. But Rose's thing is arts and humanities, and Jake and Jade are into sciences. Me and Roxy do tech and mechanics.

You're also totally glossing over what I think is your best quality, in terms of intelligence, which is your creativity and adaptability. You're maybe the most creative dude I know.

[Which leads us to—]

My hopes are fine. I want to see your movie.

But on that list like three or four people can do rocket science, you realize.

[ that's. the only defensive he can come up with because honestly, he's never even considered the remote possibility he might be better at a book-thing than anyone else except maybe. john? the fighting thing he's considered but powers complicate things - he's sure rose could kick his ass with her magic bullshit if she tried, and has never contemplated what adding his powers would be like, john's a fucking op menace, jade is even worse. dirk he can just about handle but it's not like that's a cakewalk. ]

Maybe? You always see a little too much.

People who develop expertise in a field get really good at that field, but that doesn't automatically transfer over to other fields. A rocket scientist can't do brain surgery. Unless they're a rocket scientist brain surgeon, which would be cool, but that would only happen if they also studied rocket science. We're all reasonably adept in the areas we've decided to work on, but I'm pretty sure none of us have mastered the kind of math you do like it's nothin'. I know I can't.

[If he practiced, maybe, but he can't juggle those huge numbers the way Dave did. That was something he exported to AR because a computer could.]

Do you not want me to watch it?

It's just...stuff I have to be able to do, though. It still doesn't translate to the kind of smarts I admire you for havin', was my point. Before, like, we started debatin' it.

[ he thinks that was his point, anyway. dave considers the question and shifts a little, arms crossing over his chest as he tips his head back against the couch. ]

Dunno. You're the only person who ever questioned me about "are you next".

My point is that it is the same kind of intelligence, and it will translate to practically applicable knowledge more and more if you decide to pursue that line of education.

[Hm. Well. For this at least, Dave sort of has a point.]

Sorry. I kinda got into the habit of tryin' to read someone through the lens of their work. I can try to turn the metaphorical blinders on for you if that's what you want. Mostly, I just enjoy the things you create more than anything else so I like to think about them a lot.

I don't think that's an offer you can actually carry through with.

[ it's dirk. he lives to overanalyze??? ]

But it wasn't a complaint so much as I don't know what I'd want to say. I'd have to think about it when I was more sure. [ and he isn't sure if it'd be something he'd want dirk to see or not. ] If you want to know about that ever I can probably tell you.

Sort of, but sort of not. Like how if I look at a vehicle, I can't not think about how it works and what parts it probably has, but I'm not actually going to know in more detail until I get inside. My offer was to refrain from trying to go under the metaphorical hood.

[That said, he briefly squeezes Dave's hand before letting go.]

Sure thing, though. Just let me know.

[He can stay away from it if Dave wants. He's understanding even, because he does understand. He hates himself a little for ruining good things for them both by seeing these things, and there's that stupid desperate clingy instinct but he tells that instinct to calm down because Dave needs space and privacy and if one version of Dirk Strider wouldn't give it, then he damn well owes it to let Dave have it now.]

I meant about the Halloween special.

[ to clarify.

the brief hand holding and hand squeeze doesn't really get much in return but dave doesn't, like, fight it? so. ]

[There's a pause.] Like, about what was behind that?

[ a shrug that functions mostly as confirmation while he watches the octopus continue to Not Win. this is bullshit. the shark isn't even winning either?

man the humans are gonna win just because the monsters take themselves out. and they weren't even in the title screen.

cheaters. ]

[Hm.]

Should we postpone that? Askin' right now feels like it would be takin' advantage of you.

If you want to stick a pin in it and bring it up awkwardly another time, yeah. It'd be harder for you like this anyway I guess.

[ to talk about anything. which dave supposes sucks for him personally because at least there isn't terror and every other mixed up feeling slamming around his head right now, which will be a thing whenever they pick up their discussions again, probably, since they're waiting.

but probably dirk has a point about waiting. probably it shouldn't ever be easy or not excruciatingly painful to talk about things. ]

What do you define as takin' advantage of me, anyway.

The normal definition? An altered state of mind that makes it difficult, if not impossible, for you to truly say 'no,' which would lead to you regretting the decisions you made. It's like if I got you drunk and then asked you to tell me things you would be uncomfortable sayin' otherwise.

Do you ever worry that just askin' me shit normally is takin' advantage?

[ since, like, dave does re: dirk. ]

Yes. A lot.

It's possible we're both always in an altered state of mind.

Because on the chart that maps out our weaknesses, 'Each Other' is pasted dead centre with arrows pointing to it?

I wouldn't call myself your Achilles heel, really, but I probably rank high enough to be like a hangnail. So yeah? I'm never gonna drink. Made jokes about drugs but never did 'em and never really had an interest. But you're exactly my brand of controlled substance.

[ it's a weird dave-ism and a wry note edges into his even tone. the things that fuck him up most will always be the people he loves. every defense he has against them is in the end mostly useless. it's an altered state of mind, except he's sober. ]

Of course you wouldn't call yourself that. You have a mind specifically organized to filter out how important you are to me.

[At this point, Dirk doesn't even sound annoyed.]

I always thought I was just broken for caring about the people I love the way I do.

[ dave shrugs and doesn't argue the point, since his half-protest that he is not dead centre in dirks list of weaknesses has been lodged. ]

I dunno how people filter it out. [ right now he could maybe, but would he bother? ] Sayin' no or sayin' yes, I never got how you could get in a state where you said somethin' just for you devoid of any other factors.

I don't see it as devoid of other factors. For the people I love, I feel like I owe them some measure of truth about my desires and aversions. The people I don't care about are people where it really doesn't matter to me what they think. The ones I have a hard time with are people I kind of like but who aren't really important to me. I've never really experienced that kind of relationship, where you enjoy their company reasonably enough, but it wouldn't destroy you to lose them.

There are times when I don't want to agree or whatever, but I don't want to open myself up to them with the honesty required in saying no. The social graces required for navigating that kind of relationship are somethin' I still have not gained.

Honesty never felt like somethin' I owed anyone. [ until recently when he realized that's probably a thing and he can't get around it. sure, dave was aware people preferred honestly and could go for it when it suited him, but generally he kept his truths behind a million walls or only let in select people to see the full(ish) extent. even then, no one got everything, full stop. ] So I can't say I have the problem. I usually don't have issues changin' topics or gettin' out of shit I don't want to be involved in with people I like well enough. Idk if it's social graces so much as bein' a slippery asshole, though? Rose has the same skills.

Both of you have social graces in spades compared to yours truly. [His expression gives its version of a frown. He isn't sure of something here. He doesn't even know how to say it.] People go missin' all the time here. It isn't awesome, and there are people I'm not happy about losin'. The thing I think about, though, is that I'm grateful it wasn't you or Rox or Jake. It doesn't bother as long as it isn't you three, except that it bothers me I don't know how it works so I can't get you back if it ever was one of you.

[ dave...shrugs. ]

Wrong person to bring that up with. [ and maybe he's a terrible friend that he's managed to survive losing the others time and again. not rose, at least, but. ] Fuckin' hell, neither of them is gonna win this.

[ @ the movie, goodbye conversation topic. ]

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