parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

I like what I'm able to get? I mean. There's shit both of us will never be able to have, regardless of what we deserve. [ and he doubts he ever deserved some of that. ] I'll take what I can get and it won't feel like a loss.

What can't I get that I deserve?

Well. [ a pause. ] Maybe you can get more of it. I don't know. You'd really know more about things you can't have than I would, maybe.

I got you.

[He says it like it's all he could imagine wanting.]

Yeah.

[ a half-smile so dave doesn't do something else, like frown or break down or something idiotic. ]

I don't know what I meant, really, don't worry about it. You know I kinda say a bunch of bullshit that means nothin' literally all the time when I lose the plot.

I know it's how you hide all the things you say that mean everything.

[Dirk doesn't look away. He has Dave. He doesn't want more.]

Not always. [ ...pretty much always, though? dave's gaze drops to their hands and he seems to be weighing things for a while before: ] You're right. It's enough.

You don't believe me.

No, I do.

[ it's enough for dirk, and that's good. ]

I believe you don't think of it as there bein' shit you can't have. Like. Life. Aside from the obvious.

The obvious being?

A childhood? A guardian?

[ the things that would have come part and parcel with either. if it'd been like it was for john or rose at least. ]

Obvious shit that cannot be had. [ stuff he assumes dirk would classify in the same wy he does. Literally Impossible. ]

You mean the stuff that's already in the past. Sure, there's no second chance of any of that. I was thinking in terms of the present and the future.

[For that, all he's lacking is Jane. His head tilts, because he doesn't think Dave will believe him, but it's another thing that's true.]

I don't need my Bro, Dave. I have you.

That's what I meant, sure. And the concepts that went with that shit.

[ things that don't matter because all of them are out of reach and impossible to grab at this point. not even a time traveler can make them real. ]

I think you're kind of amazin'.

[ unrelated to dirk's statement, but. whatever. ]

[It comes out of nowhere. Dirk stares.]

I hurt you a lot. And fail you, repeatedly, in the same ways, despite tryin' not to. Like I am psychologically incapable of not being a painful experience for you.

[okay now who sucks at accepting things]

I think you're stronger than me in a lot of ways.

[ and maybe some of that is colored with knowing bro was that. but. ]

You're never the one who fails me, dude.

Citations needed, bro.

[A frown is in his expression. Somehow the words seem strange to him. He doesn't know if it's just because he can't take nice things easily or if there's something happening.]

Which part are you objectin' to, or is it just a general objection to like both things.

Both. I don't know why you called me amazing, or... where we are, in this conversation.

[The frown deepens. His voice gets quiet.]

Are you drawin' back from me?

You're doin' really well. Just...in general. You're so much stronger than you like to say you are. You look at the future and the present?

[ these are all things that seem amazing. so why not. ]

I haven't known where we were in this conversation for at least half an hour if not more. I'm not...tryin' to right this second. I think. I don't know?

[Dirk accepts the reply as honest, and he relaxes enough at it.]

I'm not always there. You've seen me fall back to the past. The room think, or times I slipped up. The Strifin' against the dream Reaper was me fallin' back into the past. I backslide too.

You let go of impossible thoughts quicker than me sometimes.

[ dave shrugs again. ]

And I don't consider the shit that's happened here to be you failin' me.

I hold onto them longer too. Sometimes, I keep my impossible thoughts to myself because I know how much you hate hearing them.

[There's a little shake of his head.]

I assumed you consider it to be you falling me.

I don't like my impossible thoughts. I don't see a problem with yours.

[ that sounds idiotic but whatever ]

And yeah, generally? Your fuck-ups weren't really that insomuch as they were me not bein' able to handle shit.

Why?

[Why are his okay?]

I have a responsibility to not be a dick to you, Dave. I want to uphold that responsibility.

In case I can make them not impossible?

[ that sounds stupid still. ]

You're generally not a dick to me, Dirk. Potential real name aside.

[ is this the fucking time ]

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