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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

[Dirk accepts the reply as honest, and he relaxes enough at it.]

I'm not always there. You've seen me fall back to the past. The room think, or times I slipped up. The Strifin' against the dream Reaper was me fallin' back into the past. I backslide too.

[parodeity]

You let go of impossible thoughts quicker than me sometimes.

[ dave shrugs again. ]

And I don't consider the shit that's happened here to be you failin' me.

[splinten]

I hold onto them longer too. Sometimes, I keep my impossible thoughts to myself because I know how much you hate hearing them.

[There's a little shake of his head.]

I assumed you consider it to be you falling me.

[parodeity]

I don't like my impossible thoughts. I don't see a problem with yours.

[ that sounds idiotic but whatever ]

And yeah, generally? Your fuck-ups weren't really that insomuch as they were me not bein' able to handle shit.

[splinten]

Why?

[Why are his okay?]

I have a responsibility to not be a dick to you, Dave. I want to uphold that responsibility.

[parodeity]

In case I can make them not impossible?

[ that sounds stupid still. ]

You're generally not a dick to me, Dirk. Potential real name aside.

[ is this the fucking time ]

[splinten]

[it's always the time to make dumb jokes]

What about me making yours not impossible?

[parodeity]

Uh, no, they're really impossible. Even for a time player.

[splinten]

You said that about bunk beds.

[You know. The ones they sleep in.]

[parodeity]

Ok, but some of them are literally impossible.

[splinten]

I can't unmake your Bro a thing but I can do a lot else.

[parodeity]

The things I have not brought up are more along the lines of the former. Shit you and everyone else in the world are incapable of makin' into things.

[ ergo: impossible. ]

What do you think is impossible?

[splinten]

Again, you wouldn't let me talk about bunk beds.

[So he doesn't buy Dave's impossible.]

Impossible is... It used to be things that require me to not be my shitty self. I haven't totally sunk on that lately, though. Some really bad failures, but it isn't total.

[parodeity]

A guardian who thought about me like John's Dad and Rose's Mom thought about them.

[ he says it mostly to get dirk to shut up, because it is LITERALLY IMPOSSIBLE at this point in his life to have a guardian who just loves him and is there for him and puts him first to that degree, given 1) he has no guardian 2) this would literally require rewriting the past somehow to a degree even dave is incapable of and 3) how.

dave sounds mildly annoyed since he really, really didn't want to admit to that one but also: he wants dirk to stop going maybe it Isn't impossible when it really really super is. ]

[splinten]

[There's a pause.]

Sorry.

[parodeity]

It's ok.

[ the annoyance simmers as he shrugs. ]

But that's the kind of thing I meant by "impossible" this time. I'm pretty sure you can't argue the point.

[ on a more important note: ]

What do you think is impossible now if not what you just said?

[splinten]

I.... thought you wouldn't want to hear about my request for a road trip when we get to the new world. Not because I think it's impossible, but because I thought you'd consider it something I couldn't guarantee so you would just get hurt hearin' about it.

[parodeity]

Because I got mad the other time about promises.

[ yeah, that's. ok that's on him. ]

[splinten]

And because you got mad about bunk beds. Since it keeps hurting you when I bring these things up I'd like to eventually see happen, I figure you'd prefer it if I kept them to myself.

[parodeity]

I don't know. [ a safe answer. ] Sometimes the things you say are things that are...too much. To be really real. Or there are other factors that wouldn't let them be.

[splinten]

[The frown comes back. They're too much to be real, or there are factors. Either way. Dave doesn't believe them.]

I promise they're things I really want.

[parodeity]

I...promise I want them too?

[splinten]

[His fingers spread out and then curl back around Dave's hands. He doesn't know what else to say. What else is there to say? Dirk loves him. He is important to Dirk, no less than Jake and Roxy and Jane. He matters.

He doesn't know. Dirk pulls on the hands to keep them close to him. He tries to take comfort in their warmth.]

Okay.

[parodeity]

I don't know what to do about the rest of it, for the record.

[ he's not sure it's even relevant at this point. ]

[splinten]

Me either.

[His thumb flickers over Dave's knuckles.]

The knives. They're making you feel unimportant. That's why you letting me decide everything scares me so much. It means letting you be less important, and I can't do that.