parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

[ that is a super fair concern since that is exactly what would happen in that case? dave is not well known for not using being numb to a thing as a coping mechanism. his eyes drop from dirk's face and he notices the hand thing. there's a pause but he doesn't pull away. ]

Isn't it gonna get in the way of shit for you if it takes me a long time?

It will mean I have to put some more work into managing a few of the issues me and Jake have because of our own baggage. I can handle that. It might even be for the best that I do, in a roundabout way.

[Dirk doesn't want to say too much of Jake's own problems, but what matters is making Jake know he's important to Dirk. Dirk would have to put a lot of work into that regardless.]

Taking a long time is okay. I know you worry about him, but it'll be okay with him too.

How the hell would it be for the best?

[ that sounds fake. ]

I think maybe I need to not take for granted that the people I love will know how much they matter to me without me putting special effort into demonstrating it and expressing it.

[You know.

Like with them.]

I...don't feel like I should comment on that in any manner, actually.

[ seems like some kind of trap. ]

It is more of a comment conscious of its ironic overtones than a trap. My point is that I can't take it for granted with Jake, either. Knowing him, and knowing myself, I think that we can both accept waiting and work on our own problems without forcing you to compromise your well-being for our relationship. Because that would be super fucked up and unfair, and neither of us want that.

I meant more I shouldn't comment on whether or not you put in special effort. Which...clarifying counts as. Can we change topics?

Yes. Sorry. Shit.

It's fine. It just feels like dangerous territory to argue that you already put forth that effort. So let's not and say we did.

I mean I try but maybe not en—yeah okay, let's stop that.

[Dave is right. This is maybe not safe.]

My point is it's okay.

[ good because arguing about all the excessive shows of complex affection re: presents and expressing of feelings dave is dead sure dirk does make and how it's more on him and other people for not believing that is only going to end badly. dave knows this. ]

...Okay, then?

...For real okay? Not the dead-eyed okay we've done maybe six times this conversation.

I don't know. Uh.

[ breathe. ]

I don't know what I need. When you ask me that, I don't know. But I [ he tries to figure out the words, has to pause and work it through. ] if it's okay to just do what I can handle. If it won't break you.

It won't break me.

[The hands squeeze.]

Doing just what you can handle is okay.

Are you sure. [ last night he heard the sigh when he said no. ] Are you sure it won't make you hate me? Or just - be disappointed. Are you sure.

I'm sure. [He makes sure Dave can see his face. He makes sure Dave knows he isn't lying.] I'm sure it's okay.

Then...okay.

[ not dead-eyed acceptance. there's hesitance and uncertainty instead. ]

Okay.

[A pause, watching Dave's face. Trying to be sure.

Then.]

Can we hug now.

Sure. [ only a touch reluctant and only because he liked the hand holding thing that was new and semi soothing. he tugs his hands back and just kind of flops forward into a hug rather than anything more, like, dignified. ]

You sounded reluctant.

[Of course Dirk noticed.]

...

[ goddamnit dirk. ]

I liked the hand thing.

[...]

Give me your hand.

[ dave produces his left hand. ]

You're really embarrassing.

[ like he isn't participating. ]

I love you too.

[He resumes the hand thing.]

You can't say it "too" if I don't say it first.

[ dave says like he has never once sarcastically (sincerely) said "i love you too" without an "i love you" to respond to.

which he officially clearly never has until he needs to make the opposite point? whatever?

despite this valiant protest he proceeds to not move so. ]

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splinten - 2017-04-02 17:26 (UTC) - Expand

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parodeity - 2017-04-02 17:28 (UTC) - Expand