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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

I...didn't know that was a thing you wanted. [ he barely managed to stick to asking dirk for an evening that was his. more than that seems unfair. ] I wouldn't be opposed?

[ it sounds like a question more than an answer. ]

[splinten]

Okay. Okay, cool. I'd like that. Sweet.

[Dirk's good at social stuff.]

[parodeity]

So...how long do you want a roadtrip to be?

[ dave doesn't want to pick Wrong. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk stares for a moment, dead silent.]

Are you as scared of picking the wrong number as I am.

[He bets it's yes.]

[parodeity]

It's your turn.

[ so. yes. and he means he gave an under-guesstimate of when movie night could end last time they had to do this?

and then dirk fixed it but. he gave the answer first? ]

[splinten]

[God. He is done for. He stares at Dave in a certain blank terror.]

We could. Start it at one week? And if we decided that was wrong we could adjust it, even if not that time maybe the next time we did a road trip. Upwards might be cool. A week feels like it could be a good start though. If you wanted?

[he's so smooth you could slip on him]

[parodeity]

And do you want that to be - looped? Unlooped?

[ one week? seems to pass muster? ]

[splinten]

[He feels like he keeps facing traps??? THIS IS WHAT THE FEAR OF BEING QUIZZED FEELS LIKE ISN'T IT.]

I thought. Unlooped. Might be cool? But I'd be okay with looped if you preferred it.

[parodeity]

[ this is exactly what the fear of being quizzed feels like welcome to dave's life in technicolor? ]

So. One week this month? Unlooped? Threeish days out and back. Is. A thing you want to do?

[splinten]

Yeah. That would be cool. If it was cool with you.

[parodeity]

It would be? If it's cool with you.

[ someone come in and shoot them both @ the universe ]

[splinten]

It's cool.

[God. God.]

On our fraternal anniversary, we're going to have to celebrate a year of being awkward idiots.

[parodeity]

I'm not sure I want an invite to that party when we spend every day doin' the awkward idiot thing already?

[ jfc ]

When. Would you want to do a trip thing?

[splinten]

You can't get uninvited to the awkward party. You and me are the guests of honour.

[Ugh. Okay. Question.]

I... can go whenever. Maybe sooner than later to avoid, like, everything going to shit the way it inevitably will if we wait too long. There's bound to be another crashed ship or a plague or a storm sooner or later.

[parodeity]

[ A GENUINE SHRUG. ]

My time's pretty much yours whenever, dude. I don't have any real plans. A few standin' appointments, but I can loop back to those or push them.

[splinten]

Rose? And whatever your Saturday thing is. [wait. shit.] Is it okay to be gone for those or loop around them? We can loop in bursts to accommodate that or somethin'.

[parodeity]

Sunday.

[ his sunday thing. ]

I think it'll be fine. I'll ask if we can double up the week after or if we can push the day. It's not the same thing as time with you. Time with Rose is, uh, whenever I have other things her usual reaction is "thank god" and orders to go bother other people, please, so.

[ iT'S POSSIBLE HE CLINGS TO ROSE TOO MUCH ]

don't call dirk out on my mistakes lucy i hate you

[splinten]

Okay. So... Any time is okay.

[He rubs at his face.]

We haven't sorted out this dumb bullshit about information. Not that information is actually the point of it. [With a sigh, he rests his face in his hands.] I want you to know you're important. That's what all this comes down to. Me and Jake can work out our half of it, it's harder but I can do it. I can never get it right tryin' to show how much you matter to me.

I DISTRACTEDLY THOUGHT IT WAS ON PURPOSE

[parodeity]

Pick a time, yeah.

[ the rest is. yeah. the rest remains unsorted. dave does not believe he is anything other than less important than everyone else in dirk's life. he isn't more and being equal seems impossible, so. ]

It's...whatever it is. You don't need to worry about it. Bullshit aside, I'll take whatever.

NO

[splinten]

You don't want me to hurt other people for you but you won't accept that you matter as much as them even when I try.

ok thats my bad i can't multitask RETCONS IT SO DIRK GOT IT RIGHT AND THAT EXCHANGE NEVER HAPPEND

[parodeity]

You wouldn't do that on purpose, dude, unless uh - ok, you would hurt Komaeda for me we have actually gone over that in this very conversation. Or. Multiple conversations.

[ a pause. ]

I'm startin' to get the impression you just really want to punch Komaeda or somethin'.

[splinten]

First of all, yeah I'd punch Komaeda. Unfortunately, that's wrong.

[But he wants to.]

You never even accept that you're equal. You're the person I chose to live with here, for no reason except that I wanted to. You're the one I want some kind of fraternal tradition for every holiday with, even the ones that aren't really about siblings. I want scheduled weekly time with you, and I said I want you to look after me and help me. I want to take a stupid vacation with you just because. I've never kept score, because that would be fucked up, and because it's obvious to me that you matter, but if I did count you'd have racked up so many points you'd be drownin' in 'em.

[Dirk doesn't sound angry. If anything, he's uncertain, helpless. He knows what he feels but he can't get it across. And yet he tries, all the time, he marks Dave out as important all the time. He is always marking Dave as important without even thinking about it.]

Do none of these things count for anythin'? Are they meaningless, are they all just—not important to you? It always seems like they are, and then you turn around and claim none of it counts and you aren't important. How else can I show you you mean so much to me?

[parodeity]

They're not! They're not. They count, they're not meaningless, I just -

[ he breaks off, staring at dirk with too-wide eyes, uncertain. ]

I don't know. I don't know what it is. I just - [ again, he's not sure what the end to the sentence is. ] I just keep waitin' for the moment I'm not.

[ and that's the truth. it's fucked up and completely unfair but it is true. he'd been a little better about not doing that before december, and then he'd moved back to square one and turned in the 200 dollars he got for getting past "go". ]

I know it isn't fair. I know that. [ he knows it but he can't believe it.

[splinten]

[Dirk looks at those too-wide eyes and he hates himself for making them saucers. He reaches out for Dave, wanting to hug him again.]

I—it's okay. You have reasons for that. This isn't coming out of nowhere.

It's okay. I'm sorry.

[parodeity]

[ dave catches dirk's hands instead. his first instinct is to bury his face where it can't be seen but the second fledgling instinct that's been trained at least a little in the past year says no, sometimes it's important that people see your face. sometimes it's important to let them try to read you. ]

You don't have to be. I'm sorry. It isn't fair, I'm sorry? [ too fast together and dave pauses before he tries again. ] It isn't meaningless. None of the time you give me is meaningless. I'm constantly terrified of losin' it. And it seems - it seems sometimes like cuttin' off a limb is easier than havin' it sawed off for you. Maybe.