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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

Both of you have social graces in spades compared to yours truly. [His expression gives its version of a frown. He isn't sure of something here. He doesn't even know how to say it.] People go missin' all the time here. It isn't awesome, and there are people I'm not happy about losin'. The thing I think about, though, is that I'm grateful it wasn't you or Rox or Jake. It doesn't bother as long as it isn't you three, except that it bothers me I don't know how it works so I can't get you back if it ever was one of you.

[parodeity]

[ dave...shrugs. ]

Wrong person to bring that up with. [ and maybe he's a terrible friend that he's managed to survive losing the others time and again. not rose, at least, but. ] Fuckin' hell, neither of them is gonna win this.

[ @ the movie, goodbye conversation topic. ]

[splinten]

That's lame.

[He doesn't press the other topic. Just another stone to swallow. He lets it sink into his stomach and hit bottom.]

[parodeity]

[ it's the first change in expression since earlier that morning, and it's a barely-there frown at the television screen. ]

I expected more of the studio that produced Sharknado.

[splinten]

It wouldn't be unfair to call it a betrayal.

[parodeity]

How could you ruin the premise of a giant shark and octopus locked in an epic battle??? That shouldn't be possible. It's like THE easiest thing to sell. Aside from Sharknadoes, obviously. Or snakes on planes. Or trains.

[ vague rising ire as he continues staring at the credits? ]

[splinten]

Do you want to try another one or are you going to stage a protest?

[At least Dave is feeling something about something.]

[parodeity]

How'm I supposed to stage a protest against a bunch of super dead dudes??

[ this seems like something dirk would now. ]

[splinten]

My favourite way is to take their film and take it apart to create a pastiche that mocks the original while simultaneously producing a superior version

[parodeity]

[ why is dirk so dirk ]

You never showed me any of those.

[splinten]

[The obvious reason: Dirk didn't think they were worth sharing.] Do you want to see them?

[parodeity]

Duh.

[ it sounds entirely like a thing dave would want to see. ]

[splinten]

Oh.

[This is still surprising.]

They're kinda derivative. By nature, obviously, but you'd definitely do a more creative job with them.

I can show you some?

[parodeity]

What movies have you done?

[ that's a "yes" or asking what the options are at least. ]

[splinten]

Basically everything Lars von Trier made. Most Andrew Kaufman, but Adaptation is the best one I did. Armageddon, Waterworld. Some others I can't think of off the top of my head.

[parodeity]

Adaption if it's the best, then. Or Armageddon. John fuckin' loves that one.

[ for some reason. DAVE...can't keep all his disaster movies straight tbh ]

[splinten]

I don't know if it's the best. [Immediately backtracking because he's an idiot?] I just hate that movie most out of Kaufman's work so I put the most energy into it. It could be mediocre at best.

[parodeity]

I want to see it.

[ and he does? it's the first thing he's been less than neutral about in a good hour. or however long the stupid film was plus breakfast time. ]

[splinten]

Okay.

[Like Dirk won't jump at that. He goes to grab his harddive and plug it into whatever set-up they have to allow them to watch these things. Probably it could be wireless but Dirk moving around trying to look cool while filled with a weird anxious excitement is a hilarious image and should be actualized. So he draws up his pastiche and plays it.

It is.... probably funny to Dave, honestly, because of their sense of humour. It's absurd and highly ironic. Nic Cage always gives a lot of fodder for this kind of thing. The sincere core under the ridiculous mash-up mockery is Dirk's irritation over the lack of a sincere core, so a weirdly moving arc about identity and interpretation somehow is implied with the various Nic Cage clips employed in the narrative. Dirk wanted to give it the sincerity at heart that he felt it was missing. It's oblique and weird but if anyone can catch it, it would be Dave.

There are like a dumb number of stupid jokes THEIR HUMOUR IS TOO ALIGNED]

[parodeity]

[ there is exactly one other person in the universe who shares a sense of humor with dave this closely. rose gets his jokes and follows along more often than she doesn't, but his absurd roots and her gothic ones don't always overlap. jade and jon have never really come close to getting dave's jokes even if they laughed, and karkat didn't really have the patience to even pretend to try to understand sbahj even if he could quote some of it through long exposure to dave and rose. bro had maybe understood or maybe had not. it was impossible to tell and didn't even matter.

no one he's spoken to since arriving in sub has ever fully gotten him, either. the kharaa fucking adore dave's offbeat sense of humor, but he knows better than anyone it makes no actual sense to them. they just...like him. for some reason.

but while dirk's grasp on irony is opposed to dave's even if he suspects most people who know them might assume there's overlap or that they're working off the same playbook - while his grasp on irony is opposed and he deliberately puts in the sincerity that dave does almost by accident, he gets it.

and while it doesn't move him immediately, he does relax as the pastiche goes on.

eventually he even laughs, a quick huff of air more than anything else, one of the quieter varieties of dave expressing humor. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk is calling it a win. The more Dave relaxes and the happier he gets, the more Dirk himself unwinds. It isn't just their fight; Dirk is nervous about showing things he made to Dave. Dave seeming to like it is incredibly relieving. Dirk even manages to eat a few chips towards the end of things in his relief.]

[parodeity]

[ amused is not happy but it's as close as he's going to get for the foreseeable future and at least he is amused. he likes the ridiculous rewrite. it's an emotion and it exists and it makes him tired again but whatever. ]

You should've shown me this earlier. [ like when they first got here, immediately ]

[splinten]

It didn't really occur to me.

[Showing Dave things he makes can be weirdly nerve-wracking. Even when it's just making Dave a coffee maker by request.]

You can have the full catalogue of Di-Stri rewrites if you want.

[parodeity]

Why? Didn't it occur to you. Not the second half.

[ since that didn't really require a why ]

[splinten]

If you want to reach into the deeper analysis of things, then frankly, I don't really value most of my work. The only things I've ever really been proud of have been given to the people I love as birthday presents. It didn't occur to me that you'd want to see the bullshit I made up because I was bored and angry at dead directors.

The fact that I always really want to impress you doesn't help.