parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

What, where other people helped out? When you were sick durin' the storm that one time, but I was avoidin' gettin' caught out so whatever. I barely got to see you when you had a concussion. And I guess you never really approach me ever about stuff that ain't my lookout like - I dunno, whenever Mom fucks off into the void I'm never the one you ask for help from, and that makes sense? Or who you really talk to about any of it, or like, when you're upset sometimes I assume. I wasn't qualifyin' any of that as an issue since at least you get help which is the main thing I want at any given time. There are always gonna be things I'm a shit choice for helpin' for and I kind of assumed you knew that too since you like, made the appropriate choices.

[ well. no, he thinks he probably could have helped with the concussion, but so could anyone else with basic medical training so w/e. ]

But those are the sorts of things I was referrin' to when I said other people end up helpin' so you never have to ask me, or you ask whoever else. I don't think they matter so much as the times you don't ask anyone at all for help.

[ which. dave does too? but whatever. ]

If you want me to help I will, sure. Even though I'm p sure you should use the bat signal to alert the other techies left over, too.

[It hits him by surprise, and then the frown sinks in. So much of it is wrong.]

You wouldn't be a bad choice for helping when I'm unwell or upset. I've gone to you for that kind of thing. Yes, you avoided me when we were both sick, and Jake had dibs on me for the concussion since I scared him shitless in the process of gettin' it. You're overlookin' that you were the one who looked after me post Dream Journey To The Centre of the Earth, which is the only other time I've been sick here.

I don't ever ask for help when Rox vanishes into the void. People occasionally tag along when they catch me going into the most dangerous part of the ocean, but that's one of the not-askin' things, so you'll need to disqualify it under that umbrella. I'll give you that there are times when I've been upset and gone to someone else for emotional support. I'd like to point out that those are invariably times when you are in one way or another avoidin' me, and unlike you I don't have Time powers.

What you're really discountin' unfairly is that I talk to you about things that upset or disturb me all the time. They come up in various conversations touching on what are more or less the most essential issues of my existence, and they actually fuckin' help. Plus, you know, there's that little thing where I contact you to help me when I want to die.

If this is the kind of thing you're talkin' about, then you are seriously mistaken in your frame of reference. I can't tell if you're discountin' your own help or disqualifyin' my requests for your support, but you're either way I ask for your help all the time and get it. And you do a really good job of it.

Edited 2017-03-31 09:47 (UTC)

Oh.

[ discounting his own help, mostly, because it's always easier to see the ways in which he does not help than the ones in which he does. his left hand eases up to the back of his neck, rubbing at it. why did he have his head at an awkward angle for movie watching, shit. ]

I always just figured you didn't trust me with the void stuff. [ honestly. ] As like, backup or support or whatever. I didn't realize you didn't ask for help with the people who go with you when you went either. I take back not bein' concerned about it if you go alone a lot though?

[ shit. that's not the main thing here at all. but it's the only thing in all of it he feels equal to answering. ]

I feel like I am doin' the opposite of helpin' right this second, not gonna lie.

[ no acronyms. we're making progress. ]

You didn't do the acronym. [Dirk that isn't the thing to respond to.] Maybe we should check you for a fever.

[Okay but in his defence Dave not saying an acronym IS A BIG DEAL.]

The stuff happenin' right now pays off in the long run. Like in clearin' up misunderstandings and the like, as seen here. Why wouldn't I trust you with lookin' for Roxy?

Fuck off, I don't got one. [ there is zero bite to the protest. ] And I don't know. Back when she first disappeared I just figured I wasn't a person you wanted at your back for anything that - mattered like that. With people you love. Not when you had a choice and weren't thrown in my face. More recently I figured I don't deserve your trust.

You deserve my trust. I know you'll have my back, and I prefer it when you're on my team.

I haven't... [ his voice quiets. ] You know it's been months for me. I don't deserve that. So I didn't blame you or whatever for...I guess not distrustin' me, shit.

It's okay. [Finally, Dirk puts his hand down in the middle of the couch. It's palm up. Dave doesn't have to take it.] I think maybe there are ways I could've made it less difficult for you to see how much I trust you. The fact that I don't really clearly ask for your help probably doesn't make it easier on you.

I haven't trusted you without hesitation in months. [ he does not deserve it in return, because of this. ]

Yeah, I know. Is it my turn to make a comment about me being a blight not meaning you're one?

[They really do just keep tossing phrases back and forth. Dirk has to appreciate the irony.]

I've done things I've regretted which only increased that distrust. It hasn't generally slipped my attention, although I don't doubt there are instances where some slight-of-hand meant I didn't notice. You, though, haven't done a think to make me trust you less. I know you're on my side and you'd protect me from everything you could.

You're not a blight. I should trust you without hesitation.

[ and he hates himself for not being able to. ]

It's okay that you don't. [Dirk means that, too, he couldn't lie to Dave and it not get seen.] Your trust in the spread of information was shaken when I said I wanted to share things with Jake. It forced you into a relationship of trust with someone you don't really know, and distrust is a reasonable response. I also shook your trust in the idea of my presence on Tuesdays by flippin' the hours around and misinterpreting what the importance of it is to a Time player. There were other things between and since.

You're allowed to distrust me.

I shouldn't.

[ he stops staring at his feet to stare at dirk's hand. after a second, he'll take it. ]

[Dirk curls his fingers around Dave's hand and squeezes.]

You have good reasons.

[ dave disagrees. but. ]

If we went on a legitimate roadtrip we'd never get to the actual destination.

[ he has no idea where they were even supposed to end up conversationally. ]

Trips to the Kharaa are absolutely legitimate road trips.

[How dare you.

He hasn't let go of Dave's hand, although he won't make him hold on if Dave decides he wants to pull away.]

We haven't gone on one of those in months.

[ or. dirk hasn't. ]

And those are more like family visits than roadtrips?

We succeeded when we did. [So he point stands!] But fine, family visits.

Ok, but name one conversation we've had in a straight line.

I can name a thing that doesn't exist, but I can't point to it.

[yeah no there was none]

Can we - [ he cuts himself off before he voices the request, because no, that's stupid. ]

What are we doin'.

What did you want to ask?

Somethin' stupid that would cause more problems?

[ so like, par for the course ]

At this point there's maybe an obligation to voice the stupidest thoughts. We're in it deep, dude. You just watched me try to make Dogville watchable.

[Can anything more stupid and full of problems than that effort? He thinks not.]

It's pointless. I was just gonna ask if we could go on a road trip, but we, uh, can't. So.

[ it's was a Dumb Impulse. ]

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