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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

I haven't... [ his voice quiets. ] You know it's been months for me. I don't deserve that. So I didn't blame you or whatever for...I guess not distrustin' me, shit.

[splinten]

It's okay. [Finally, Dirk puts his hand down in the middle of the couch. It's palm up. Dave doesn't have to take it.] I think maybe there are ways I could've made it less difficult for you to see how much I trust you. The fact that I don't really clearly ask for your help probably doesn't make it easier on you.

[parodeity]

I haven't trusted you without hesitation in months. [ he does not deserve it in return, because of this. ]

[splinten]

Yeah, I know. Is it my turn to make a comment about me being a blight not meaning you're one?

[They really do just keep tossing phrases back and forth. Dirk has to appreciate the irony.]

I've done things I've regretted which only increased that distrust. It hasn't generally slipped my attention, although I don't doubt there are instances where some slight-of-hand meant I didn't notice. You, though, haven't done a think to make me trust you less. I know you're on my side and you'd protect me from everything you could.

[parodeity]

You're not a blight. I should trust you without hesitation.

[ and he hates himself for not being able to. ]

[splinten]

It's okay that you don't. [Dirk means that, too, he couldn't lie to Dave and it not get seen.] Your trust in the spread of information was shaken when I said I wanted to share things with Jake. It forced you into a relationship of trust with someone you don't really know, and distrust is a reasonable response. I also shook your trust in the idea of my presence on Tuesdays by flippin' the hours around and misinterpreting what the importance of it is to a Time player. There were other things between and since.

You're allowed to distrust me.

[parodeity]

I shouldn't.

[ he stops staring at his feet to stare at dirk's hand. after a second, he'll take it. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk curls his fingers around Dave's hand and squeezes.]

You have good reasons.

[parodeity]

[ dave disagrees. but. ]

If we went on a legitimate roadtrip we'd never get to the actual destination.

[ he has no idea where they were even supposed to end up conversationally. ]

[splinten]

Trips to the Kharaa are absolutely legitimate road trips.

[How dare you.

He hasn't let go of Dave's hand, although he won't make him hold on if Dave decides he wants to pull away.]

[parodeity]

We haven't gone on one of those in months.

[ or. dirk hasn't. ]

And those are more like family visits than roadtrips?

[splinten]

We succeeded when we did. [So he point stands!] But fine, family visits.

[parodeity]

Ok, but name one conversation we've had in a straight line.

[splinten]

I can name a thing that doesn't exist, but I can't point to it.

[yeah no there was none]

[parodeity]

Can we - [ he cuts himself off before he voices the request, because no, that's stupid. ]

What are we doin'.

[splinten]

What did you want to ask?

[parodeity]

Somethin' stupid that would cause more problems?

[ so like, par for the course ]

[splinten]

At this point there's maybe an obligation to voice the stupidest thoughts. We're in it deep, dude. You just watched me try to make Dogville watchable.

[Can anything more stupid and full of problems than that effort? He thinks not.]

[parodeity]

It's pointless. I was just gonna ask if we could go on a road trip, but we, uh, can't. So.

[ it's was a Dumb Impulse. ]

[splinten]

[A pause.]

Why can't we?

[parodeity]

Whenever I do that I find more plot shit.

[splinten]

And you don't want to get sucked into us havin' to tell everyone. [That makes sense. He doesn't know if he can fix it.] Does it still hold as bad if we go together and I report the plot shit. Like, if we make it 'mine' to decide? Or does that make it worse.

[parodeity]

I...don't know.

[ his gaze goes opaque, staring at the television screen and through it. ]

Sometimes I think I'd like it better if you just made all my decisions for me.

[splinten]

[Dirk watches him, and sees the unreadability slip over his expression.]

I can imagine. If it's any comfort, I think I trust myself with my own decisions as much as you trust yourself with yours. I just have really shitty control freak tendencies, putting my brain in a perpetual lockdown like the battle between a North-Going Zax and a South-Going Zax while highways are built around my psyche.

[parodeity]

[ there's a huff of dry laughter for the seuss reference, at least. ]

A version of you used to make all my decisions for me. Or I based 'em off of whatever I thought he wanted. It was...

[ he doesn't come up with a word, and shrugs. ]

So anyway it was a stupid request so I didn't make it.