parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

[ i'm gonna kill u for doing this to me an innocent

dave is slouching into the couch more. he's not really relaxed in the sense he could be on his feet in an instant and hasn't slung himself halfway on dirk or otherwise made a nuisance of his person like he usually does when things are completely fine. but his expression isn't blank so much as tired and he's zoning out into a different variety of not-there, simply letting himself watch whatever's on the screen and not focusing on anything else at all.

eventually, though: ]

What's next?

Lars von Trier. Dogville.

[The film, as you sadly know, follows a chaptered structure. Dirk follows it as well, but alters the subject headings into nonsensical comments in the vein of SBAHJ phrasage. Each of the phrases, however, hints at Dirk's genuine comment in the ironic restructuring: that the true villain of the piece is the director (here represented with clips of Lars von Trier) and his preoccupation with bleak cruelty as self-justification rather than critique.

Dirk's restructuring begins with 'He's just angry because I once took his bone' as the dog from Air Bud enters the scene as the new viewpoint character, a splash of colour in a black and white film. The film's violence is replaced entirely with edits between Air Bud and von Trier, who Air Bud unsuccessfully attempts to engage with in play, only for von Trier to remain too preoccupied with his own depiction of reality. Von Trier is never actually allowed to finish his thoughts on filmography because that would be boring so Space Jam scenes and remixes interrupt or play over key moments. Nicole Kidman's character breaks into her Satine character from Moulin Rouge! with her various numbers, but Satine herself is replaced with a bad MSPaint 2D drawing of Geromy. Peaches and Air Bud discuss the economy. The defamiliarization techniques of minimalist set and staging are inconsistently replaced with famous works of art. John Hurt's narrator takes on a physical form through the presence of his dragon in Merlin who seems to advise Air Bud on how to deal with things. Since it's Merlin, mostly it's how to deal with witches. There are plenty of Dirk's usual brand of jokes throughout.

Ultimately, von Trier is left to be contained in the black-and-white realm of cruelty that he created, becoming a chalk outline on the ground, while Air Bud is released first into his own franchise, then joins Peaches in a leap into Space Jam. The Space Plagues remix of Space Jam plays over the credits which is a totally unrelated short flipbook adventure about how great oranges are.]

[ good call removing like all the abuse shit from the film, dirk. equally good call on air bud. dave unironically loves that franchise? he found armageddon and adaptation funnier, but he relaxes at least a hair for the salvation of dogville.

he says, almost randomly: ]

I used to really want a dog. Or a cat. Somethin', you know? So I drew Peaches.

[ the nearest he was going to get, outside of the crows who weren't really his or really affectionate. ]

[All the abuse shit sucks and he hates von Trier so much. Dogs are much better. Armageddon was funnier but Dogville was so much more work to make into something he didn't hate.]

Do you want one for the tower? There are definitely enough cats around.

You said we have enough pets.

[ THE LAST TIME DAVE VAGUELY SUGGESTED A CAT, IN A WAY THAT SEEMED LIKE "hey we should get a cat for you, dirk" rather than the way he meant which was "i really fucking want a cat, though" ]

You were tryin' to shove a cat into my hands so I'd be less dependent on you to cling to. I had objections to that, because I really fuckin' like having you as a constant source of physical affection and I don't want to replace you with a cat. Actually getting another pet because you want one is a totally different question.

How do I qualify as a constant source of physical affection?

[ they're on opposite sides of the same couch and that did not even confirm that dave does in fact want a cat ]

Because you're a source of physical affection I constantly want.

[duh]

But I'm not constantly available to you any more than you are to me.

Yeah. But... [Hm. How to say this in a way that makes sense.] I don't want a substitute, at least nothin' livin'. The kind of inanimate comfort I grew up with is one thing, but in terms of somethin' that can actually return physical affection, I'd rather have nothin' than not have you.

I don't know if it's too big a concern. There's always goin' to be one person or another available for that. [ like he's pretty sure roxy will never turn down a hug?

however, dave just wants a cat. he doesn't want to ask people for something they can refuse to give. at least if a cat or a dog refuses affection (peaches was a dog because he's pretty sure dogs do Not do that and that sounded cool when he was thirteen and pathetically desperate) it's not, like, personal. also they can be bribed with food he's pretty sure.

the magister never refuses him anything like that, admittedly. obama isn't the cuddliest but usually is ok with dave.

still. ]

This reminds me I was gonna do a Peaches does Sports arc.

Availability isn't really my concern here. Other people can't replace you and I don't want to make a cheap gesture towards somethin' that would only make me want you more.

[It doesn't matter that Roxy won't turn down a hug or that Jake will always try to overcome his own issues if Dirk needs him. He loves them and they're important but they are not Dave.]

That would've been pretty entertainin'.

[ ...

dave is becoming less certain it's ethical for him to get a cat, somehow. would it be cheap to get a cat to hug when he wants to hug something? god why is this a debate he is even thinking about ]

There was maybe gonna be a Space Jam mini arc that intersected with it, though I'm not sure I was gonna finish, like, either.

[get a fucking cat, Dave]

You are so bad at finishin' arcs, dude. I love it.

[Also. Going back to previous point.]

Do you want a cat? We could give it a ridiculous rapper pun nickname or somethin'.

It would be a cheap gesture or whatever, so we don't like, gotta.

[ dirk was not even remotely trying to talk him out of a cat and yet ]

I think it would be for the wrong reasons? Mom wouldn't approve.

[Fuck. Fuck his stupid mouth.]

It isn't a cheap gesture for you. It's the difference between wanting a pet to hug and appreciate, and wanting a pet as a substitute. I think you have more of a general desire for that kind of comfort which is okay. Mine is... targeted towards key people. I don't super get much out of hugs otherwise.

Is it like ethical to get a pet just because you want a thing to love you though?

[ why can't he just get a cat ]

That's entering the realm of the ethics of relations, which can be broken into the idea that all relationships are inherently selfish. Which is, philosophically, a dumb and unhelpful idea that I've definitely had a hard time not believing about myself while simultaneously being sure it doesn't apply to anyone else.

[At least he owns up to it. What an idiot.]

If you're concerned about the ethics of it, you should probably hang out with the cats and find out which ones seem to want to be around you. That puts it into a frame of reciprocal benefits, where both of you give affection to one another. That should be balanced enough.

What about hangin' out with kittens?

[ he wants a kitten. DID WE EVER FIX ALL THE CATS I FEEL LIKE WE DID NOT... ]

Kittens are also ethically acceptable.

[Dirk can't believe he gets to be jealous of kittens now. Fucking yay.]

[ dirk you have like horses this will be one kitten. maybe. if dave ever actually works up to catnapping a kitten. @ dave just take a cat ]

Would it be ok to take them away from the base though? What if they mind. What if they only want to hang out with me there.

[ like

at least he's probably not dissociating at this point as he agonizes about a cat but this is getting stupid ]

[the horses are not substitutes for cuddles!!]

You could try takin' it, or them, to the tower and give them a little while. Then bring them back to the base and see if you can tell which they prefer.

Yeah, ok. I'll consider it.

[ whether or not he decides towards the positive. if he does, dirk will probably just wake up to And Randomly, A Kitten someday. ]

I have to tell people this week. [ about the whole arrival and departure thing. he put it off too long with dealing with other shit pre-storm, then dealing with the...language thing after-effects, then like. this. god he's going to get yelled at again ]

Okay. [Dirk's posture changes, as he moves the pillow out from Lil Cal Replacement position.] Is that a request to unpause now?

No. You called pause. It's just a statement that I gotta regardless of how anythin' else plays out.

[ dirk asked him not to warn people ahead of time and dave doesn't even want to and honestly he doesn't want to do much of anything but that's the next step: just tell everyone all at once and wash his hands of it and try to avoid having to tell them anything ever again or just forcing himself to do so immediately or just...

trying not to learn anything new might actually be easiest. then he's not trapped into a thousand moves he can't make because there wouldn't be any moves to make.

new plan: try not to learn anything about anything. ]

It doesn't change anythin' else.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject