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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

[ dave stares at dirk for a long time. he has arguments to the argument? roxy and jake and jane are all better rewards, and the ones that dirk belongs to in the sense that he's theirs and dave has a better claim on the dirk strider absolutely no one wants. dirk said he felt like he was juggling knives and hearts all the time and dave just thinks it would be better all around if he stopped existing and that weren't a thing, and he thinks he wants too much every time even when dirk is dumb enough to say he wants too little, and dirk says important and vital and dave's too-aware he's never going to be to any version of his brother what his friends managed to achieve with their guardians, and it's stupid unfair to put that on dirk so he can't, and at least dirk thinks all this shit even if dave doesn't think it's true. at least he believes in things that sound comforting, because dirk deserves that.

he wants to ask what dirk would do if he asked for help getting out of a prison, but he doesn't want to put that on dirk, either. he is always making himself into a burden and he doesn't even really have the right. ]

Okay. [ it's easier than trying to sort through the things he can't or won't or shouldn't say, and shit, it's all probably shit he should say and the thought makes dave tired.

he casts around for something to say, and what comes up is, rather than anything more relevant: ] You've never been a blight on anyone. I don't think anyone would agree with that.

[ an admonition about dirk putting himself down. yeah. figures. ]

[splinten]

[For a moment, Dirk thinks maybe it got through—a moment of silence, of quiet staring. For a moment Dirk thinks he's hit that shock-response where Dave realizes how important he is.

Then he knows that he didn't. And he accepts it, without giving in.]

That's a damn hypocritical comment from a dude who just mentally rejected my argument against him being a blight.

It's okay. You don't have to give me the counter-arguments. I was just not gonna let that level of hypocrisy slide when you just called me out like five minutes ago.

[parodeity]

Me bein' a blight is different from you bein' a blight.

[ since dirk juggles knives ]

And you literally never let hypocrisy slide.

[splinten]

You've probably tricked me into losin' track of some once or twice. [Dave is good at that.] It's the same because we both think the other is impossible to imagine as a blight. Except that I think Yuri thinks we're both a blight, but I'm not apologetic about that.

[parodeity]

Yeah, I meant to ask what the fuck that was about?

[ and then he did not. even though he clearly had 0 issues making yuri's life a moderate hellzone.

he's aware just dropping everything else won't work but also he wants to know wtf the mermaid yuri shit was about ]

Why are you suddenly a mermaid. That sort of absurdly obvious lie is more my bag of tricks, not yours.

[splinten]

He asked some dumb question, don't remember what, and I made an off-hand comment about livin' in the middle of the ocean, at which point he accused me of being a mermaid. I said I wasn't, he was dubious of my denial, and somethin' else I said brought him back to basically sayin' he knew I was a mermaid all along.

That was when I decided to just go with it.

[He did his due diligence but his trolling impulses can only be so reigned in.]

[parodeity]

Yeah ok, you held out longer than I would've.

[ LITERALLY HE WOULD HAVE JUST GONE "shit yes you got me im a mermaid" THE FIRST TIME, SO. ]

I cannot even remember all the bullshit I said to him but he told me too quick he wanted a straight answer so.

[ dave did...not give one? ]

[splinten]

I had a feelin' he would. I also knew that that would be the exact point at which he'd never get a straight answer.

[parodeity]

Like, too quick as in said my name and demanded one off the bat. How could I not give him a hard time?

[ he is only human. and like godtier whatever ]

[splinten]

There's somethin' to be said for havin' mercy.

[Then why did Dirk send him to Dave.]

[parodeity]

Says the guy who sent a dude to get a straight answer from me.

[ it's not like dave is under any illusions he's a disaster conversationally? and also, dirk knows about his internet troll impulses. ]

[splinten]

I gave him a chance.

[yuri COULD have possibly succeeded]

[parodeity]

What were you gonna do if he won, anyway. I'm pretty sure the guy wanted you to summon seals with like, mermaid magic?

[ ?????????????????? yuri ]

[splinten]

We apparently have alien seals around. I was just going to ask the girl who mention them to me where they were, and take him to them.

I hadn't decided if I'd asked Sanson to look into genetically modifying me into a mermaid for the sake of that moment.

[parodeity]

You'd be locked out of livin' on land if you went that far for a joke.

[ not that this means dirk Would Not, but. ]

Didn't know about the seals. That would be cool to see, I guess. I'll look around.

[splinten]

Max Caulfield mentioned them to me. The locations are probably in the database.

[parodeity]

Maybe I'll make a day trip out of it or somethin' post makin' a post. I can take a ball and teach them to balance it adorably on their noses.

[splinten]

That would be adorable as hell. The planet absolutely would consider it a great service to the ecosystem.

[parodeity]

Lbr [ STOP ACRONYMING OUT LOUD CHRIST ] I peaked at farmin' and everythin' else is just me fuckin' around for the hell of it.

[splinten]

I'd buy that, except you are literally our primary ambassador to a race of alien hivemind conquerers.

[parodeity]

That's more me just bein' their friend. And apparently the planet will fuckin' lose it at them and us if we don't fix the sick fish.

[ it's one of the many things he's concerned about but Unsure what to do with. he's not a healer? ]

[splinten]

All of them or just the Emperor and the Dragon?

[parodeity]

Rose didn't specify. We just have to fix who's sick, or they all fuckin' die. Probs I would not do so hot there either since it ain't like I didn't help 'em with everything at this point.

[ but that is less important than the whole kharaa obliteration thing. ]

[splinten]

Okay. That's gettin' reprioritized. [He wants to make a public broadcast RIGHT NOW demanding everyone FIX THOSE SICK FISH DAMMIT which Dave can possibly tell from, you know, Dirk being Dirk and actually an open book to Dave.]

[parodeity]

I would've mentioned her vision sooner but like right after she had it the whole idiotic language thing occurred.

[ he was not gonna mime it. ]