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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

What were you gonna do if he won, anyway. I'm pretty sure the guy wanted you to summon seals with like, mermaid magic?

[ ?????????????????? yuri ]

[splinten]

We apparently have alien seals around. I was just going to ask the girl who mention them to me where they were, and take him to them.

I hadn't decided if I'd asked Sanson to look into genetically modifying me into a mermaid for the sake of that moment.

[parodeity]

You'd be locked out of livin' on land if you went that far for a joke.

[ not that this means dirk Would Not, but. ]

Didn't know about the seals. That would be cool to see, I guess. I'll look around.

[splinten]

Max Caulfield mentioned them to me. The locations are probably in the database.

[parodeity]

Maybe I'll make a day trip out of it or somethin' post makin' a post. I can take a ball and teach them to balance it adorably on their noses.

[splinten]

That would be adorable as hell. The planet absolutely would consider it a great service to the ecosystem.

[parodeity]

Lbr [ STOP ACRONYMING OUT LOUD CHRIST ] I peaked at farmin' and everythin' else is just me fuckin' around for the hell of it.

[splinten]

I'd buy that, except you are literally our primary ambassador to a race of alien hivemind conquerers.

[parodeity]

That's more me just bein' their friend. And apparently the planet will fuckin' lose it at them and us if we don't fix the sick fish.

[ it's one of the many things he's concerned about but Unsure what to do with. he's not a healer? ]

[splinten]

All of them or just the Emperor and the Dragon?

[parodeity]

Rose didn't specify. We just have to fix who's sick, or they all fuckin' die. Probs I would not do so hot there either since it ain't like I didn't help 'em with everything at this point.

[ but that is less important than the whole kharaa obliteration thing. ]

[splinten]

Okay. That's gettin' reprioritized. [He wants to make a public broadcast RIGHT NOW demanding everyone FIX THOSE SICK FISH DAMMIT which Dave can possibly tell from, you know, Dirk being Dirk and actually an open book to Dave.]

[parodeity]

I would've mentioned her vision sooner but like right after she had it the whole idiotic language thing occurred.

[ he was not gonna mime it. ]

[splinten]

It's not a problem. We'll just double down now.

[he knows he can't leap out of the couch and save all the fish right now all on his own

but he wants to]

[parodeity]

...Chill, dude, you ain't a doctor either. Rose'll say if it's an immediate concern, just...I don't think anyone should mention the Kharaa to the planet 'till we fix shit.

[ maybe. ]

[splinten]

Agreed. [The second part, obviously, because—] I can gather fish for study. There are probably medical things we can teach ourselves to help out. There might be a way for the Heart thing to work the way it did with Kharaa infection although the disease may not apply.

[the planet might go after dave]

[parodeity]

[ ok maybe he should have left out the part where he figures he'd be in trouble with the planet. that may have been a miscalculation. ]

Dunno? I never offered to like...see what was up with them. When they got sick.

[splinten]

We can resume work on that kind of thing. Sorey was doing work on it, I know. I'd always figured I'd eventually end up having to handle ISHMAEL but this is more urgent.

[Nothing about it is more urgent except it now directly threatens Dave.]

[parodeity]

Uh, I'm pretty sure the potentially murderous AI ranks higher on the list of concerns?

[ dirk, reprioritize ]

[splinten]

Not against a potentially murderous planet.

[...that wants to kill his brother]

[parodeity]

Ok, one, you did not mean just you for dealin' with ISHMAEL, did you, because I just reheard that and it kinda sounded like that.

[ and if so he has words, but also: ]

Two, that's only if the planet finds out before we fix the fish, and people've been workin' on it for ages and they've been sick for ages and I think we're makin' what progress we can. Three, Rose still thinks it's possible to get a balanced end and I believe her on that shit.

[splinten]

[...]

This feels like one of the moments where you grab the shaggy textile under my feet and suddenly I'm the younger brother.

[In other words: it is yes to 1, and now he knows he's in trouble, and also being scolded via 2 and 3.]

[parodeity]

You've been plannin' to take on the murderous AI alone.

[ this is in fact one of those moments where dirk is suddenly the younger brother, what up ]

Without any help from the rest of us. The murderous maybe final-boss AI? That one?

[splinten]

I wasn't going to one-v-one it in a Strife. I am a reformed dude. I do not solo bosses.

[Just.]

My assumption was that the work of analysing, locating, and strategizing a method of interfering with and either rewriting or destroying ISHMAEL would be on me. And that also I'd probably be the one to build the program or system that would handle it.

There are barely any tech people left.

[parodeity]

Roxy and Jade and Jake. Hinata. [ he hates saying it because he hates hinata and doesn't trust him and he doesn't like admitting it but he already did this conversation, so - it's not like he's smart enough to help, can't offer himself, and dirk clearly knew that well enough to not even bring up the possibility, but other people can. ] URSULA, even. Naoko would probably not be opposed to givin' at least some help, we've done a ton of shit for her and I actually kinda trust the lady.

[ john and karkat try to code but they suck so dave doesn't even bother to mention them. ]

There are people smart and capable enough to pitch in.