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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

[ he is suddenly super offended by his 1 off point. ]

With alternatin' colors.

[splinten]

Eleven.

[Thanks for that extra level of stupid, Dirk is now in.]

[parodeity]

Damn straight.

[ he'll regret this when dirk tries to wear these abominations with a suit or something ]

...That it?

[splinten]

[Yes he will.]

On what? Adding any more to the shoes would be gilding the lily, but I assumed you know that and are not actually asking about it.

[because clearly Dave knows when enough is enough on bad shoes]

[parodeity]

Questions.

[ he'll just. succinctly explain what he meant rather than doing a song and dance. it's late, he's tired, and he just helped dirk commit a fashion atrocity in the future. ]

[splinten]

I didn't want to ask you too many.

[So he didn't. His eyes peek open.]

[parodeity]

[ dave's eyes are still open? though they weren't, like, last time dirk checked. ]

Just ask.

[splinten]

[That's new. Hello, Dave's eyes. Dirk can't make everything about them out in the darkness.]

What things are the things you aren't fine about right now?

[parodeity]

[ they're still crimson and all that. no sharingan or anything tho so it's cool.

also, shit. ]

The laundry list? [ that's so open-ended. he breathes out again, quiet. ] Me. You. Bro. Vantas. John. Whether or not any of it even matters, when it's not permanent.

[splinten]

[Right. It's all what he thought, more or less. But Dave said it. Dirk is always grateful for Dave saying it.]

Do things have to be permanent to matter? Not being rhetorical here, or a sarcastic dick. Askin' for your perspective.

[parodeity]

It's not exactly thrillin' to think we could all fuck off and remember none of this. Maybe it'd be for the best, but even so.

[ so. that's what he meant by "permanent". dave had always pretty much believed shit would end someday, but he thought he'd for sure remember it and the realization that isn't a fact he can count on has not been super fun. ]

[splinten]

Memory shit, or alternate timelines?

[Different kind of question: Dirk's asking for Dave's judgement call on what's happening here. Different universe John, or stuff happening to his head?]

[parodeity]

He's not from a different timeline.

[ he's pretty sure that's not the case. he can look more closely, but - ]

It's John.

[splinten]

[Confirmation enough. Dirk says nothing for a little bit. But he's holding Dave's hand tighter.]

I don't want to forget.

[Mixing music. The rainbow sponges. Wiz's raps. The arguments, each other's apartments. Saying I love you. Half year anniversary, three quarters anniversary. Birthday parties, bunk beds, Cal's funeral. Becoming brothers more and more.]

Not that I expect the universe to give one quanta of a damn about it. Still.

[He doesn't want to.]

[parodeity]

I spent most of the day just not thinkin' about it after I got to him in person to confirm it.

[ john felt as "right" to him as any of the others did. though "not thinkin' about it" meant thinking about nothing else and having what amounted to a panic attack, but hey. ]

You could go away and come back and remember none of it. Or I could. Or anyone else. Or they could go away and stay gone and maybe someday when we got out they wouldn't remember a damn thing.

[splinten]

Yeah. That...

[Fuck. How would he handle it? With Dave. With Jake. With Roxy, Rose, Karkat. Even with Rin, or Sorey and Mikleo. Hotaru.]

For a new depth in understatement, I would handle that not well. [He thinks, but does not say, 'suboptimally.' But it's there. In his head. He was tempted to say it just to get Dave to give him an unimpressed look.]

Fuck.

[parodeity]

After I ditched John.

[ last week. valentine's day. ]

I didn't handle it super well, either. I couldn't breathe for a bit. [ it's the nearest he'll get to saying panicked, heart and mind racing too fast and making no sense because of it. ] But there's nothin' to be done about it.

[splinten]

[You wouldn't let me come find you. He doesn't say it, it isn't even an accusation. It's a sorrow. A regret.]

There isn't. For the moment, we have as much leverage against that as we did against the game.

[Some leeway. Not much. But some.]

[parodeity]

I won't be able to do this again if you or Rose forget.

[ just like. throwing that out there. ]

I can't tell you both about him a second time. Jade either.

[splinten]

It'd be too much to ask of you. [To do it again. To go through all of that again.] Even if you tried to do the exact same thing, it couldn't work like that. The repetition would carry the weight of the last iteration.

[Pierre Menard, Author of Don Quixote. Repetition is never the same as the first.

He can't lose Dave. He can't stand it.]

It's okay not to do it with me again. If it happens, I'm giving you the okay. [A future Dirk who forgot everything would not remember the okay. He would probably resent it. But, in Dirk's opinion, fuck that guy.]

[parodeity]

Seriously?

[ that was. not a thing he expected dirk to ever say apparently because dirk's just getting a completely blank stare and dave can't figure out any more words. no, he can figure out a few - ]

You'd fuckin' hate that.

[splinten]

I would totally hate it. [He'd be so not happy about it.] It shouldn't surprise you that I'm totally willin' to throw possible future me under the bus. [Fuck that guy! Fuck every iteration of that guy.

His voice softens, though.]

Any iteration of me, though, would have to understand that it isn't fair to ask you to go through this again. You can't repeat the sorts of conversations we've had, and I'd get that.

[parodeity]

The thing is, it makes them harder to have at all.

[ john, who for a million other reasons is impossible to tell, even though dave probably should. ]

[splinten]

I know. I don't particularly have a good argument for them, either.

[They're all weak ones, built on things Dirk isn't sure he even believes.]

I think it's important for you to be able to tell people things. Shutting things down doesn't help you. But I think it's also important for you to trust that you won't have to reiterate things already difficult for you to say. That includes forgetting, but it also includes people ignoring what you say. It's the same basic idea. So my arguments on why it's good to say things anyway are... not great.

[parodeity]

I probably cause the part where people ignore what I say, anyway. By just...

[ saying it's his problem and he'll handle it and he's fine. and sometimes, everyone believes him. ]

...it's only ever my own fault when no one listens. [ the few times he's stuck to his guns and been ignored aside. ]