parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

[ okay, he should have expected that. dave sighs, leans into the hug a little more. it was probably a little manipulative, but no more or less than dave at his worst in a fight. ]

Sometimes, [ how to even make it make sense? ] sometimes I need to be cornered, I think. I want - I can't ask for what I want. I'm sorry. Thanks for doin' it for me.

[There's still the worry. He knows what he's capable of. He knows what he can do.]

You're sure, then.

[That might be a little ambiguous, but he actually means if Dave's sure it's okay Dirk did that. (Leaning into the hug does help.)]

[ leaning into the hug stops helping because dave will pull back now so he can actually see dirk. Air more importantly, so dirk can see him. his gaze is steady and there's no waver in expression, even if he's neutral tired. it's not a mask. ]

Look. You'd be able to tell if I wasn't. Right?

[ dirk can apparently recognize bro's expression, and he knows how dave gets when he pulls back. ]

[There. It is an expression. Neutral and tired but not a mask.]

I don't want to be... a worse version of me. Most of all with you.

[He doesn't want to be manipulative, controlling, selfish. Heartless.]

If you're sure what I said was okay, then I'm okay.

[Tell him he isn't a monster.]

It wasn't somethin' he would have said.

[ he's not really sure what to do here, so dave just kind of. reaches up to do the hair parting thing again. it worked last time. ]

It's somethin' I would have said. You're just a you version of you. I'm not upset.

[Well okay, guess that's a thing now. Dirk does not complain, but he is watching what Dave says.]

Okay.

[It isn't Bro. Maybe it isn't the best thing. But it helped Dave when he couldn't help himself. And... that counts for something. Doesn't it?

He closes his eyes.]

Okay.

It's what I needed you to say.

[ mark two attempt at helping. dirk didn't even halfway complain about his hair so he can't possibly be okay? ]

It's okay. I'm sorry I made you say it.

I'm sorry I'm the sort of person to say it, but also I'm not because it helped.

[Which. Yeah. He doesn't know if not feeling all that bad about it is worse than doing it.]

You sure I'm not Slytherin?

[Ruthless. Selfish. (Bad.)]

I genuinely believe that one day, we won't be this insecure. It's just... gonna take a lot of time and work for both of us.

Even if you were, who the fuck cares? That's not like sayin' you're evil, idiot. I'm pretty fuckin' sure Rose would be in Slytherin. Cunnin' and ambition are not inherently evil traits. Terrifying when applied to the light-of-my-life, but not evil.

[ which he thinks is the concern here? ]

I'm pretty sure the whole thing about the hat was that your opinion mattered too, wasn't it? So. Be whatever the fuck nonsense house sorting you wanna be, dude. I for one plan to keep out of the rivalry houses.

You know, you could definitely come up with a way to refer to your sister that gave her less fodder for the Freudian machine.

['The light-of-my-life,' yes he gets the pun, but holy shit Dave.]

Do we not start tomorrow?

[Since. That's a Tuesday, and Dave said he promised his day to Rose.]

I haven't called her that to her - wait, shit, yeah I have.

[ ugh. ]

Whatever. It's true. [ not, like, romantically. but. ] Do...you want to start tomorrow?

[Dirk puts his hand to Dave's forehead, brushes his bands up. Looks at him with a certain peace.]

I am currently biting back from saying that it's okay and I don't mind because I know Rose is really important to you. [And that. Well.] Technically, it wouldn't be breaking the rules of the thing if we haven't started them yet. [He can't help himself: he has to give Dave an out.

It isn't breaking the letter of the law, but it is breaking the spirit.]

Technically, [ don't get, like, mad. ] technically Rose doesn't exactly know we have plans.

[ as in

dave and rose.

like, he didn't inform her about them. he just knew she had no plans and would be willing to spend the day with him if he 1) volunteered himself as labor and 2) let her analyze him.

it was the first convenient excuse, and like with dirk, he knew rose wouldn't sell him out in terms of an alibi later if cross-questioned. it's rose. she's cagey as fuck by nature. ]

[...]

I don't know why I didn't see that coming. It isn't like I missed it was an obvious excuse to stay the fuck away from me and replace me with her, but I do not know why I thought you would have secured the time with her before putting it down as a barrier between us.

[He really has to stop underestimating Dave.

Overestimating him?

Either way: estimating wrongly.]

It wasn't replacin' you. I would've found a different excuse next Tuesday.

[ rose was just the first excuse to come to mind, especially because he has promised he would help her with her office thing. ]

And also she's been talkin' about that office for like, nearly a month. I really did promise I'd help her with it whenever the fuck she wanted, but I figured that could be whenever the fuck I felt like it if that didn't happen first?

[Dave. Why are you like this.

His hand moves to ruffle Dave's hair btw.]

You're a dumbass, bro.

I am not. I didn't want to be alone like last time and who else would I stick to? Jade would ask what was up and John might actually get suspicious.

[ ... ]

Ok, he probably wouldn't. But he's very...John.

Also, you're still messed up about the John situation.

[If Dirk is not misreading things.]

[ ............... ]

Why do you think I'm messed up about that.

[ like besides admitting to having a panic attack after ditching john and saying he needed to go on a trip with rose to have space from john and like, other comments indicating maybe he's messed up about the john situation

BESIDES ALL THAT ]

[....]

Your reaction right now is a pretty strong confirmation. The panic attacks also were a small hint. A dozen other comments throughout this conversation, let alone your initial reaction of throwing yourself backwards in time to find out what happened when you've never done that before.

[ DON'T CALL HIM OUT ON HIS ENTIRELY SUBTLE JOHN BREAKDOWN no one else noticed it so at least there's that? ]

Ok but I should have thought to do that earlier. What the fuck.

[ he should. address dirk's comments. shit. shit shit shit ]

I [ have been trying not to think about it at all ] am a really fuckin' shitty best friend.

[ he can't ]

[dave's dumb txt it]

You're going to have to clarify on that claim, because right now it sounds baseless.

I can't tell him the most basic fact about me. I've never been able to tell him it. He still thinks -

[ hell. dave should warn him? ]

Bro's all that and I moved off base because you couldn't take it and probably he still thinks I'm cool with puppets?? And if he asks me about any of it I'll lie. Immediately. No hesitation.

[well that lie is. not super surprising, and admittedly Dirk would hold it up but literally anyone else would probably be able to tell John that in fact it isn't the case. not a great lie, there.]

You said you don't want to tell him those things because you just don't tell people like that how things are. Is that still it? I know there's the issue of forgettin', but that isn't even a question if we don't look at this first.

It's a huge part of it.

[ it's john. it's one thing to tell him hey i like dudes as well as girls. it's another thing to go hey i was abused. dave's not entirely sure john can handle that, or if he wouldn't react with some comment dave can't handle. it's really impossible to tell. ]

So's the part where I've lied to him since the day we met. Not about somethin' stupid like which way I swung, but just - everythin', full stop. The shit that mattered. But - it's John. He doesn't...he shouldn't need to know how the world works.

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