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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

You didn't say it. You also didn't say explicitly that you think it's bad to rely on me at all.

[But Dirk is good at reading between the lines.]

[parodeity]

[ oh goddamnit okay he can't answer that one so dave veers to the left instead. ]

What do you want to do?

[splinten]

I want to help you understand how much you matter to me. I don't have any problem spending years working on that. It's a difficult thing, and I understand that.

[He kept his promise about sharing information to that end. He wants Dave's trust, but he wants Dave to believe Dirk cares about him even more. He'll keep any other promise he has to if that's what it will help make happen. He'll do it again and again and again, until maybe one day something like Valentine's being on a Tuesday will not shake Dave's faith in Dirk's affection.]

We agreed no unilateral decisions, so whatever we come up with, we have to agree on.

[It's why Dirk hasn't insisted on putting Dave first every night. It's a choice, but it's also one he can't force on Dave if Dave doesn't want to be in the position of being a sacrifice someone has to make for his sake.]

[parodeity]

Just...stick to one problem. What do you want to do about this?

[ he thinks they're still arguing about tuesdays but it's hard to be sure. sometimes the topics seem to blur into the same old conversation, time and again. ]

What do you want? I won't...just say yes, so just tell me.

[splinten]

[One problem. Okay. Dirk closes his eyes. When he opens them, he tries to be brave.]

I want a set time for you and me, every week, with makin' food and watchin' a dumb movie. I want us to agree on what to do if there is a possible conflict like Valentine's. I want not to hurt you.

[A pause. Then quietly, but firmly:] The agreement can be that movie nights take priority over everything. I'm willing and capable. I've done it with information you tell me already. I can make the same choice here.

If... you can't accept that, I understand. But I can't just give up even if you do.

[parodeity]

[ he'd said he wouldn't say "yes" immediately just to say it so dave does not do that. he stays quiet and stares at dirk and tries to figure out what he wants (he kind of knows that already, he's just not letting himself say it) and what he's willing to ask for and how much the two things overlap, if at all. ]

What else could the agreement be?

[ just. what are the options. ]

[splinten]

There are probably as many possibilities as we can come up with, and then the combination. [Like. There's a huge variety of options here.] We could agree to prioritize the movie night, but if there's a conflict we have to say and the other gets a right of veto to make the person with the conflict do their own thing. We could put a limit on the number of vetoes permitted in a set time period to stop each other from sending each other off every time. We could declare ahead of time what exceptions are okay. You could try, and definitely fail, to have me give up movie night by default. It is technically a possible agreement.

There's an option to set two possible movie nights every week and pick one every week, such that if one is missed in a week then the other one necessarily has to be attended. Or that conditional could be dropped. We could have alternating movie nights and movie mornings, or something. We could give them up completely. We could pick other kinds of scheduled time, like study hours.

[It's a handful of ideas, plans he came up with before he even knew what was happening, negotiations he was willing to offer to try to save some piece of what broke. Most of them don't feel like they answer what's really happening. But they're possibilities, and Dave asked him to offer them.]

We can do what you want but can't say.

[parodeity]

And what do you think that is, wiseguy?

[ you could try and definitely fail is rude and possibly true enough to shade irritation into the question, even though he's still more or less on an even keel. ]

If you know me well enough to think you know what I want, what is it?

[ what the fuck does dave even plan to do here if dirk's right, though ]

[splinten]

You want movie night to take priority always. As much as you hate yourself for wanting that, it's what you want.

[That's the whole point of this: Dave felt like nothing, but it hit hard because he felt like he wasn't until then.]

[parodeity]

[ dave's poker face is good enough that it doesn't break, but his eyes widen just a hair and that's why you wear shades. and then, well - ok, his plan was to glower at dirk. this plan could possibly use some more direction? like, is there a part b?

part b is to pretty much deny it outright but he's been mostly honest so far and the second he lies to dirk's face he'll break that streak. ]

For fuck's sake.

[ fuck off dirk you're not his REAL dad - or uh technically? he is? so dave can't even use that as a defense?

part c of the plan is snagging a pillow and half-heartedly smacking dirk in the face with it, apparently. this does likely zero damage if it even hits but at least it makes dave feel slightly better about things for half a second. ]

[splinten]

[Yeah Dirk blocks that with a raised arm.]

That's a point for Wiseguy.

[That may have been a little sardonic in its monotone. Dave asked for it.]

[parodeity]

You suck and I hate you.

[ a wry return before dave grumbles, rolls onto his back so he doesn't have to look at dirk's Smug Face which isn't even smug. ]

Not actually. Except the first half.

[splinten]

Not arguin' with that.

[He does, in fact, suck. It is a truth about Dirk Strider and he would be the first to own up to it.]

[parodeity]

You agreein' with mean shit I say to you takes literally all the fun out of it.

[ not that it's like the reason he exists or that he even says things that are that mean on the regular. probably if he did more than half-hearted insults when irritated he'd get more of a fight in return? ]

For the record that is a way in which you suck.

[ this isn't even actually true since dave generally is fine without pointless bickering? ]

[splinten]

Not what I'd put top of the list, but sure.

[Honestly, Dirk finds it funniest to agree and then watch Dave get more petulant.]

[parodeity]

[ there is a reason this annoys him, and it is: ]

You need to stop copyin' my playbook, holy shit.

[ HE PULLED THIS ON PEOPLE ALL THE TIME and still does tbh but no one ever pulled it on him until dirk? this is bullshit? like rose would edge close to it but mostly if he gave her a hard time she'd throw it back in his face, not just agree ]

[splinten]

Sorry to disappoint you, bro, but this is something they call 'convergent evolution.' These moves are self-taught.

[Well, as much as that's true about anything. But it was a very effective way to deal with their particular aliens, and anything else.]

[parodeity]

They were my moves first, so therefore they were stolen.

[ since he's pretty sure bro never did this shit to anyone since --> bro. ]

As soon as we meet up with Pyrope again I'm hirin' her to sue you for plagiarism. She will get me everythin' in the settlement, and also possibly hang you and eat a box of chalk in the process?

[splinten]

You'll have to get me to show up for legal proceedings first. And since I have no interest in the corrupted institutions of a rotted society, I think I'll take a hard pass.

[fuck da clown police 2422 or whatever]

[parodeity]

[ ok but ]

What if I said please?

[ he's never sure how far that goes. for things that are complete jokes, though? dave will waste the effort on that. just not in a serious situation. ]

[splinten]

[...]

I'll see you in court.

[instant ko]

[parodeity]

[ dave is still not sure why the fuck that works. ]

Idk how manners negate the corrupted institutions of a rotted society bein' a thing.

[ it is probably more along the lines of dave actually bothering to ask for something, but he's decided it's clearly the "please" that worked. ]

[splinten]

[jfc dave]

Yes. Manners. Clearly, it's manners that sway me when push comes to shove. I'm a sucker for a well-used cutlery set.

[parodeity]

Do you think we need a cutlery set?

[ not because of the manners thing just because he literally never considered it before just this moment, and now that the thought exists it's a perfect time to discuss it? ]

Or like. Shit what else do sophisticated people even have in their houses. An iron is still a thing that needs to exist, but like...ok this isn't even a thing but I just keep thinkin' of those rotary phones. Why is that what comes to mind when I try to think "sophistication".

[splinten]

I can't pin it to a specific movie, but archaisms often carry cultural prestige in the form of the refusal to update. The traditional, if done at the right time and the right way, moves a person outside of the post-Industrial Revolution market of constant improvement and development, and maintains a connection of tradition that implies old money and old power. It only works with certain kinds of symbols, obviously. You probably weren't imagining a neon pink rotary phone. But if the phone you imagined was already designed for appeal to the upper classes, then the distance in terms of technological advancement allows it to become a status symbol.