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There's a bit of a gap, yeah.

[The ball is in Dave's field on that, though. Dirk was the last to try to make a point there.]

You're not usually the one to use a distraction technique.

[ yeah he

still isn't really comprehending this was a point in the whole. argument they were having? oops. ]

That wasn't a distraction.

[Dave. Oh my god. Dirk like. Actually looks blank at him for a moment.]

You think I'll choose other people over you. I'm telling you that I won't, and that I just did not do that exact thing. I promised not to spread information without your okay, even if I really wanted to. And I didn't. I wanted to tell people, especially Jake. It's been somethin' I've been uncomfortable sittin' on for a week now. But I chose to keep the promise I made to you on this.

I chose you, Dave.

[

oh. ]

I just assumed you would. [ tell people. dave didn't even bother to believe in the promise dirk had given him after the first time. that had never had anything to do with restoring any amount of his trust, if it even had been restored to any degree at all. he'd just worked around the lack, telling dirk whatever he thought he had to or needed to and not allowing himself to consider where it might end up.

maybe he should start thinking about it again. ]

My first thought is I shouldn't've told you, because it's upsettin' you to know and not tell. [ may as well just say exactly what comes to mind. ]

I'd rather have your trust than comfortable ignorance.

[No hesitation.]

That's the choice I made. I don't regret it.

It's not like that's a necessary component to me tellin' people shit.

[ he can force himself to share certain things even without it. it's how he treats a lot of his updates on day-to-day shit. ]

I don't really want to sit through a scheduled amount of tolerated torture any more than you probably do.

I'm aware of that.

[Painfully, and often unhappily. He tries not to dwell on it too much; he knows it isn't good for him. It's like dwelling on Jake's hideously low self-esteem. He helps where he can but he really shouldn't torture himself with it.

Sometimes, he does anyway.]

I don't want to put you through torture either.

I meant you, dumbass.

[ in case that wasn't clear. obviously, the concern here should be for dirk having to sit through tolerated torture? not dave? ]

It's only torturous for me if you're being tortured.

[Because despite Dave's best efforts, Dirk tends to figure it out. And then it's agony.]

You misunderstand. You're uncomfortable not tellin' them about shit. Exactly how bad do you think it'd be to have to sit with me for a stupid movie night when one of them actually wanted or needed you somewhere?

[ which dave assumes dirk wouldn't be able to get through too much of before ditching, honestly, but. ]

[That is a different question. Dirk doesn't answer it in a stubborn retort; he listens, so that he can respond better. It's a habit he wants to be good at.] If they wanted me, they could wait a few hours. Not an issue. If they actually needed me, yeah, it'd be difficult. I won't deny that.

I doubt it would be more difficult than ditching my brother who needs me to stay with him.

I've never said I needed that.

[ about this. it's true maybe, or at least having that time set aside was helping and it meant a lot to dave and rose had said it was a good thing but he still hadn't told her he'd fucked that up even though he should. but.

it will be so much worse the second time, and dave can't believe there won't be one. next week or next month or a year or two from this moment. and maybe he'll be able to handle it better the second time around, but dave kind of doubts it. ]

I said it was a bad thing to rely on. [ essentially that he shouldn't rely on dirk At All, but. ]

You didn't say it. You also didn't say explicitly that you think it's bad to rely on me at all.

[But Dirk is good at reading between the lines.]

[ oh goddamnit okay he can't answer that one so dave veers to the left instead. ]

What do you want to do?

I want to help you understand how much you matter to me. I don't have any problem spending years working on that. It's a difficult thing, and I understand that.

[He kept his promise about sharing information to that end. He wants Dave's trust, but he wants Dave to believe Dirk cares about him even more. He'll keep any other promise he has to if that's what it will help make happen. He'll do it again and again and again, until maybe one day something like Valentine's being on a Tuesday will not shake Dave's faith in Dirk's affection.]

We agreed no unilateral decisions, so whatever we come up with, we have to agree on.

[It's why Dirk hasn't insisted on putting Dave first every night. It's a choice, but it's also one he can't force on Dave if Dave doesn't want to be in the position of being a sacrifice someone has to make for his sake.]

Just...stick to one problem. What do you want to do about this?

[ he thinks they're still arguing about tuesdays but it's hard to be sure. sometimes the topics seem to blur into the same old conversation, time and again. ]

What do you want? I won't...just say yes, so just tell me.

[One problem. Okay. Dirk closes his eyes. When he opens them, he tries to be brave.]

I want a set time for you and me, every week, with makin' food and watchin' a dumb movie. I want us to agree on what to do if there is a possible conflict like Valentine's. I want not to hurt you.

[A pause. Then quietly, but firmly:] The agreement can be that movie nights take priority over everything. I'm willing and capable. I've done it with information you tell me already. I can make the same choice here.

If... you can't accept that, I understand. But I can't just give up even if you do.

Edited 2017-02-22 11:23 (UTC)

[ he'd said he wouldn't say "yes" immediately just to say it so dave does not do that. he stays quiet and stares at dirk and tries to figure out what he wants (he kind of knows that already, he's just not letting himself say it) and what he's willing to ask for and how much the two things overlap, if at all. ]

What else could the agreement be?

[ just. what are the options. ]

There are probably as many possibilities as we can come up with, and then the combination. [Like. There's a huge variety of options here.] We could agree to prioritize the movie night, but if there's a conflict we have to say and the other gets a right of veto to make the person with the conflict do their own thing. We could put a limit on the number of vetoes permitted in a set time period to stop each other from sending each other off every time. We could declare ahead of time what exceptions are okay. You could try, and definitely fail, to have me give up movie night by default. It is technically a possible agreement.

There's an option to set two possible movie nights every week and pick one every week, such that if one is missed in a week then the other one necessarily has to be attended. Or that conditional could be dropped. We could have alternating movie nights and movie mornings, or something. We could give them up completely. We could pick other kinds of scheduled time, like study hours.

[It's a handful of ideas, plans he came up with before he even knew what was happening, negotiations he was willing to offer to try to save some piece of what broke. Most of them don't feel like they answer what's really happening. But they're possibilities, and Dave asked him to offer them.]

We can do what you want but can't say.

And what do you think that is, wiseguy?

[ you could try and definitely fail is rude and possibly true enough to shade irritation into the question, even though he's still more or less on an even keel. ]

If you know me well enough to think you know what I want, what is it?

[ what the fuck does dave even plan to do here if dirk's right, though ]

You want movie night to take priority always. As much as you hate yourself for wanting that, it's what you want.

[That's the whole point of this: Dave felt like nothing, but it hit hard because he felt like he wasn't until then.]

[ dave's poker face is good enough that it doesn't break, but his eyes widen just a hair and that's why you wear shades. and then, well - ok, his plan was to glower at dirk. this plan could possibly use some more direction? like, is there a part b?

part b is to pretty much deny it outright but he's been mostly honest so far and the second he lies to dirk's face he'll break that streak. ]

For fuck's sake.

[ fuck off dirk you're not his REAL dad - or uh technically? he is? so dave can't even use that as a defense?

part c of the plan is snagging a pillow and half-heartedly smacking dirk in the face with it, apparently. this does likely zero damage if it even hits but at least it makes dave feel slightly better about things for half a second. ]

[Yeah Dirk blocks that with a raised arm.]

That's a point for Wiseguy.

[That may have been a little sardonic in its monotone. Dave asked for it.]

You suck and I hate you.

[ a wry return before dave grumbles, rolls onto his back so he doesn't have to look at dirk's Smug Face which isn't even smug. ]

Not actually. Except the first half.

Not arguin' with that.

[He does, in fact, suck. It is a truth about Dirk Strider and he would be the first to own up to it.]

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