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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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forward-dated to late 10/22 text technically

[windeity]

[So after a probably awkward library trip early in the morning John and Dave split off for hours.

It's probably very late, 1am or so.]

stars.mp3

[Rather than make Dave talk to him about anything important, he can just send this and ignore the things he's remembered lately that inspired such things.]

[parodeity]

[ the title was maybe a mistake. it makes him think of stars gathering in the sky all at once and feeling melancholy and useless, and knowing, months later, why that strange memory had made him want to cry even though he didn't really know how.

he's not in the room simply because it's easier to freeze on the roof, staring at actual stars.

he's going past twenty-four hours without sleep at this point, so john gets the brief but halfway honest message of: ]

i dont like it

[ with zero questions about what inspired it and zero explanation as to why he doesn't like it. ]

but the composition is solid

[windeity]

[Huh. That's weird.]

thanks. it could use some tweaking i guess.
what part about it didn't you like?

[parodeity]

[ it's a question he can't answer "what do you think" to because that's basically forbidden, so dave chooses the most passive and least offensive one he can think of: ]

nothing you can fix

[ a few minutes after failing to bother to explain, he attaches a few files dated from earlier in the month in a folder titled "totalbullshit413". they have to be things he was doing before saturday that he never got around to sending. since he's usually done cds or mixes in splits of eight, it's probably because he never got around to finishing the set and apparently isn't going to bother to anytime soon.

one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. ]

[windeity]

[He takes the files and downloads them and listens for a while. Doesn't text back for a while either and he's not sure how to feel about that.

It sort of feels...

...nah.]

these are cool. thanks.
i never thought you could remix beethoven but somehow you surpassed expectations again.

[parodeity]

[ there's another delay before dave texts back, not doing his usual eerie rapidfire replies but trying to force his brain to figure out words that pass a test even sleep deprived. ]

if you cant remix the classics you cant say you can mix at all

[ sure. that sounds close enough to his usual bullshit that it gets sent. ]

[windeity]

[Yeah. Sure.]

a good point.
this is why i definitely cannot mix, haha.
you can come sleep in the room tonight if you want.
i won't be back for a while.

[parodeity]

[ he stares at that one a little longer. and decides that actually, he would rather...freeze to death or something than acknowledge he is being avoided when he can just avoid the fuck out of the room too. ]

im good
feel free to go back whenever

[ "i wont be in your hair as much either" is deleted as "basically what he gets mad about" and dave has to dither for a few minutes to come up with a suitable alternative. ]

december is coming so
ill be in and out at weird hours
have to take a bunch of extra shifts in preparation of present armageddon
mostly at the cafe probably

[windeity]

[Dave has been self-control than John does because:]

i do not want you to freeze your ass off just because you do not want to be around me right now.
so. consider it? please?

but ok. that is fine, thank you for the heads up.
take mewpac with you sometime, she might be a mutant but she can socialize with other cats.

[parodeity]

[ there's just a notification he's typing for. a long ass time.

he deletes several things along the lines of "why the fuck do you get to do the same thing you get mad at me about to me" before reminding himself not to do that sort of thing, and trying to figure out some sort of suitable alternative.

it takes about fifteen chronological minutes to make his way to: ]

no

[ to any of that. he's not sure what part earns it most.

he starts typing again to try to modify it to something softer, realizes he has no actual things he can say in response, and anyway he probably can't pull his thoughts together for a second attempt in less than half an hour, and will john. wait that long for typing and deleting. ]

[windeity]

[Well. Yes. Considering he sees that no and it's something he immediately feels bad about.]

?

[And when Dave keeps typing and deleting...]

...to...which?

[parodeity]

[ there's more typing for like another ten goddamned minutes and then...

more deleting as he decides "no nevermind can't actually say the issue". ]

nevermind

[ which does not explain that amount of "typing" but okay. ]

thanks

[ and more typing and deleting so "thanks" almost definitely preceded something else that would have sounded way more argumentative than just the thanks does.

it actually kind of probably looks more annoyed than any long rambling sentences could, compared to his usual texting style.

it was easier to call john a fucking moron when they were thirteen and john didn't look at him when he said the wrong thing. and when john actually remembered years of shared experiences and points of reference. and when empty rooms didn't mean the same thing they do now.

he still types it up and deletes it like twelve times in a row though. ]

good luck

[ goddamnit that doesn't even make sense but he needed more than two words. ]

[windeity]

[It's fine, John will apparently take up the mantle of rambling sentences because he's typing...for a really long time.]

i'm sorry. i still do not know what i did wrong and i am really sorry about it.
i overreacted. a lot. i overreacted and it was shitty and i am really sorry and it won't happen again because i think i understand now.
or maybe i don't.
i do not know.
i want to understand and i cannot unless you talk to me and i do not want to make you talk to me if you do not want to talk because i promised you that i would not make you tell me things.
and i said that i would tell you things but i can't tell what you do and do not want to know.
i remember a lot and i do not know how to really tell you everything i remember or how to bring it up and i just wanted you to not worry for once because this month has been fucking bullshit.
and this is bullshit because i have no idea what to do anymore.
and i could add more dumb metaphors about eating my insides and all of that but it gets weird and creepy and i don't want to be weird and creepy.
i am sorry that i got too close and it freaked you out.
that is probably it? i do not know.
but i will listen this time.
i told you i am not the hero because i fucked this up somehow and i did not figure out a way to make this ok.
i do not want to be back there if you are not coming back.
i thought maybe you were just finally tired of me not keeping up and i am trying to gain back my memories as fast as possible, which is impossible since i am not sure what will and will not make me remember things.
and i am sorry that i am not the right version that you need or want or i don't know.
I DON'T KNOW.
this is stupid and i have no idea what else i can say.

1/??????

[parodeity]

[ well it's better than dave typing and deleting things forever, although he then

proceeds to do that for a little longer

jfc dave spit it out ]

it would be cool if you would be less of a hypocrite for five seconds

[parodeity]

[ HE MEANT TO DELETE THAT ONE. ]

wait fuck

[parodeity]

i didnt mean that
that was stupid
im sorry

4/4 i guess end

[parodeity]

[ well, he DID mean it but. ]

youre fine
im sorry
we can just forget it

[windeity]

[...ah.

Okay what if he just. Calls him. Because this continues to be stupid.]

[parodeity]

[ NNNNGH.

he'll pick up but he's not saying anything. ]

[windeity]

You know. [He sounds kind of annoyed but also...sort..of...amused...] That is probably the thing you could have started out with last night.

[parodeity]

[ dave sounds...

completely emotionally neutral and monotone. it is remarkably hard to gauge where he's at without his facial expressions and body language to go off of; even if they're smaller than other people's they kind of explain it better than his vocal emotional range on a day to day basis. ]

It isn't a thing that's true. So no.

[windeity]

Dave. [Just. Cutting him off for a second.] It's fine. I uh. You're not...exactly wrong? About being kind of a hypocrite? I am not entirely sure what brought that on but you are not the first person to tell me that. Actually you are not even the first person to tell me that this week, so. Yeah.

[parodeity]

I was just tryin' to annoy you. I don't think that.

[ like, he DOES, but he sure isn't explaining why apparently. he still sounds supernaturally calm, as per usual. ]

[windeity]

Would it really be so bad if you did? [He's curious why Dave's suddenly resisting calling him on bullshit but he'll play along for a little while.]

[parodeity]

[ HE SHRUGS.

ON A TELEPHONE CALL.

how long has he been awake counting a few probably loops. let's not find out.

...

it takes him a few minutes to realize no one can see a shrug via telephone. ]

Who knows. Weren't you busy with things?

[ like john pretty much admitted that was a lie but let's just focus on that for a bit. ]