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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[windeity]

You know. [He sounds kind of annoyed but also...sort..of...amused...] That is probably the thing you could have started out with last night.

[parodeity]

[ dave sounds...

completely emotionally neutral and monotone. it is remarkably hard to gauge where he's at without his facial expressions and body language to go off of; even if they're smaller than other people's they kind of explain it better than his vocal emotional range on a day to day basis. ]

It isn't a thing that's true. So no.

[windeity]

Dave. [Just. Cutting him off for a second.] It's fine. I uh. You're not...exactly wrong? About being kind of a hypocrite? I am not entirely sure what brought that on but you are not the first person to tell me that. Actually you are not even the first person to tell me that this week, so. Yeah.

[parodeity]

I was just tryin' to annoy you. I don't think that.

[ like, he DOES, but he sure isn't explaining why apparently. he still sounds supernaturally calm, as per usual. ]

[windeity]

Would it really be so bad if you did? [He's curious why Dave's suddenly resisting calling him on bullshit but he'll play along for a little while.]

[parodeity]

[ HE SHRUGS.

ON A TELEPHONE CALL.

how long has he been awake counting a few probably loops. let's not find out.

...

it takes him a few minutes to realize no one can see a shrug via telephone. ]

Who knows. Weren't you busy with things?

[ like john pretty much admitted that was a lie but let's just focus on that for a bit. ]

[windeity]

[SIGH. He doesn't say anything and instead he holds the phone away from his ear. It may take Dave a few minutes but soon he will hear the sound of waves?]

When have I ever been too busy for you? I am just curious.

[parodeity]

[ he's quiet for a fairly long time before his monotone goes terse: ]

Do you want the itemized list? It ends with today, and starts eons ago.

[ he does not question john's location or comment on the waves. ]

So I would like to let you get back to that.

[windeity]

What? Wait hold on a second, I don't--what? [WHAT. He's busy trying to wrack his brain for when he ignored Dave in recent memory but...he...obviously can't say anything for past-him who somehow keeps helping to fuck things up. Thanks buddy.]

Yes, I want an itemized list. I'm really...Dave?

[parodeity]

What?

[ that ended on a question so he does not, in fact, provide a list. ]

[windeity]

[Oh. Okay.]

What did I do that was hypocritical, do I stand a chance at fixing it, or did I fuck up even worse than the first time? [What first time?]

[parodeity]

What first time?

[ - shit ]

Fuck. [ that sounds the faintest bit frustrated, because he slipped into asking questions and he was trying not to do that. ]

[windeity]

[...:)

Yeah he. Will keep casually poking and prodding to get somewhere even if this is still the worst.]

The first time that it became clear I do not remember everything just right just yet. [And before Dave can interject, he continues.] Maybe I am projecting a little, but I definitely remember telling Davesprite that I wanted to talk to you specifically because you were my friend who understood everything I was going through at that point. And that is why I asked you for advice and we pissed off Karkat. I always wanted to talk to my friends because I knew we were on the same page and it felt weird when we weren't. And that is probably how this feels a little, doesn't it?

[parodeity]

[ .....................................

he genuinely is speechless for like ten minutes out of sheer aggravation. ]

Do you ever listen to yourself say words. God fucking damnit I hate phone conversations. Can we switch back.

[windeity]

Are you going to actually keep talking to me if we do?

[parodeity]

Hey, more -

[ "hypocrisy" ends that sentence. he cuts himself off before he finishes it. ]

...How about we see one another when we see one another, like you originally planned.

[windeity]

No. I am not waiting a fucking week to see you, what the fuck? Just because I planned for one solid day does not mean I do not want to see you other days.

Do you--I don't know. Do you want me just to stop? Because I have no idea how to actually do that.

[parodeity]

Do you? Because that's all I'm gettin' from anything you've done recently! God, fuck this, I didn't want - if you want to text we can, or if you think you can win at hide and seek we can do that.

[ he is hanging up solely because he said more than he wanted to but he will text like 2 seconds later.

...that wasn't even yelling. it was the same godforsaken even tone as usual, but now he's getting snarkier. ]

also 4 someone who doesnt have an idea on how to do that youre really good at it so kudos

[ or just outright annoyed, so. ]

[windeity]

[And then Dave is hanging up.]

WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
you are the one who went completely cold and awol on me and who has been avoiding me all month when you can help it to sleep on goddamn roofs!
also YOU wanted to leave last night!
so why am I the hypocrite, you are still not explaining that part!

[parodeity]

[ ok you know what ]

lmao and which of us left first after specifically locking me out of doing so
im sorry is the ocean suddenly our room egbert
thanks for the heads up btw and making a point of thanking me for mine
its complete and total bullshit you left to avoid me leaving after forbidding me from leaving basically

[ like, he said "please", but it may as well have been an ironclad decree for dave. which is 1) stupid and 2) unfair ]

for someone who is supposedly tired of people making assumptions about what he thinks or feels from what he does or how he acts
or trying to guess anything about him
which by the way not doing that makes it really hard to say anything
YOU DO IT TO ME ALL THE TIME
you do all the stuff to me you get mad about me doing to you
this is unfair and bullshit and i HATE IT
and now im doing his godforsaken capslock thing fuckdamnit i hate that TOO
and i cant STOP IT

[windeity]

??????
are you talking about leaving the fort because i never left the room.
but fine, ok, it's bullshit that i am afraid of you never coming back given what the fuck i happened to see right before that.

you won't actually tell me what you want or what you think so i have to make assumptions just so you will tell me i am wrong.
look at that, IT WORKS!
WOW! AMAZING!
for fucks sake dave there is such a thing as balance and APPARENTLY! WE SUCK AT IT!
OR YOU DO? OR I DO?
oh my god i sound like karkat.
you know what else is unfair and bullshit is the part where you won't even talk to me about what the fuck i can be doing to even fix this, you already decided and don't give me that shit about how i am assuming things. I SAW you freeze on me. i can SEE it and i can HEAR it and i am so fucking pissed about EVERYTHING and i wish i was him because you would probably at least be happier.
DID YOU KNOW IT IS POSSIBLE TO BE JEALOUS OF YOURSELF? BECAUSE I DIDN'T. AND IT IS SO FUCKING STUPID AND I HATE IT.

[parodeity]

do you really fucking think i told you anything back then either
spoiler alert we had ONE argument in our entire lives
and it was about you being a fucking dumbass and the only reason we had it was because
if we DIDNT youd die
otherwise i wouldnt have started it
!!!!!!!!!!!
amazing
i fucked up and i told you shit here and i shouldnt have and i knew better and i did it anyway
so yeah the thing you should miss is me doing this right

so like you just get to do the shit to me
and i dont get to do it back
thats where were at
i mean i deserve that for telling you anything i did tell you
but thats cool

and you DID leave first
our room was empty and you ditched first
you dont get to say i left first because i didnt
i was being sarcastic about the heads up you didnt give me
because
you didnt give me one
jfc this is a pointless conversation

[windeity]

[...Dave does not get a response. Because John has stepped out of his car and threw his phone into the ocean out of sheer frustration.

So that's awesome. Why the fuck did he do that.

Give him about half an hour so that he can fish his phone out of the water and go to a grocery store for a bag of rice and then back to their dorm. Assuming that Dave isn't there, he'll message him back from his computer.]

i never said that i wasn't coming back.
i said i would be gone for a while.
as in a few hours.
but yeah, i fucked up.
a lot.
so. sorry.

[parodeity]

[ ...he is obviously still on the roof of the dorm building, although he's at least not fuming because it's hard to maintain an actual argument for that long anyway. which is either a good or bad thing, since at least he was giving john legitimate reactions when they were bickering. ]

yeah
im sorry too
wasnt really your fault on any part of it

[ ...so he's back down to censored responses and kicking himself for arguing, given half an hour to chill the fuck out. ]

[windeity]

no i am pretty sure at least a good part of this is my fault given everything that was just said.

[Wow. What wonders happen when they have some time to chill out. Like. Not that the censored responses are great again but okay at least he knows what to work with.]

are you still above my head?