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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[windeity]

Why would I know this kind of thing, oh my god. [Thanks for not even acknowledging the married comment, John. But then again Dave says all kinds of stupid bullshit all he time and John's getting better at ignoring it.

He's also going to unceremoniously dump Dave on his bed instead of Dave's while Mewpac wakes up with a wide yawn.] Seriously, please leave me off the swole scale.

[parodeity]

[ there is an undignified hey as he is dumped???? fucking rude??? ]

Too late, you are on tier six, titled "fuck you, John Egbert".

[windeity]

Yeah, yeah, I am the worst. It's me. [He's grabbing some spare blankets before throwing them on his bed for them, too.] Anything else I should know about that tier?

[parodeity]

I refuse to give you more details about the swole tiers because you clearly do not appreciate them. [ also he just made them up twenty seconds ago. ]

[windeity]

Seriously please stop staying swole unless you want to sleep in your own bed tonight. [But he pauses not long after that.] Oh. I maybe should have asked after all of that...do you want to sleep in your own bed tonight?

[parodeity]

...Do you want me to want to sleep in my own bed tonight, or do you and you swole arms want to sleep alone?

[ he cannot fucking help himself, john forbid the use of the word it is now his new favorite word ]

[windeity]

[And suddenly Dave's hit in the face with his own pillow that John picked up and threw across the room.]

My swole arms are going to kick your smol ass if you don't shut up. [He can play along even if he looks like he wants to die a little.] Scoot over.

[parodeity]

[ no he’s too busy looking faintly amused to scoot ]

That doesn’t even work, I’m taller than you?

[windeity]

[Well that's better than looking utterly wrecked, so he'll take it even if it's at his own expense.]

You're only taller than me by, like, two inches. And I still outweigh you and you're all...willow-y. So it kind of counts? [Probably not but whatever.]

[parodeity]

Smol is the antonym of tall, not fat. Ergo your fat ass cannot call me smol.

[ 1) rude 2) john isn’t fat 3) stop debating the use of this word?

he will scoot over after picking up mewpac though. ]

[windeity]

We really need to cut down on your Tumblr time...[But he shakes his head and he'll head back to where Dave and Mewpac are, dropping down onto the bed and laying on his back. Dave's closest to the wall and Mewpac's happily kneading her paws into Dave's hands and whatever part she can reach.] Better?

[He's also pulling blankets and shifting things around to basically keep them warm since Dave is an asshole and also still probably frozen.]

[parodeity]

[ he is definitely still frozen but he doesn’t complain about the shifting although he starts squirming to remove his shoes without reaching down to do it, which involves moving his feet around a lot. his hands are occupied petting the cat. ]

Fuck you, I’m an adult and I get to decide how much social media time is too much?

[windeity]

[He'll wait for Dave to figure out how to take off his own shoes like an adult then, jesus. But he sort of shakes his head even as he's reaching for his phone to flick on some background noise. It's a low volume and it's not him playing but it's nice to have.]

Right, I forgot you are technically an adult when I carried your stubborn ass back here and also when you whined at me about taking a nap a few weeks ago.

[parodeity]

[ it’d be easier with hands but he eventually manages and kicks them. off the bed if he isn’t under covers already or they just get trapped in the bed if he is. the cat has priority. ]

I wasn’t done talkin’ to you and I never whined about taking a nap!

[windeity]

[Dont leave your shoes in his bed what the fuck? He’ll kick Dave’s shoes out of the bed and just drop another blanket on him because this is stupid. ]

Really? Because I remember having to sit on your legs to work on an essay because you were still being too stubborn. And you could keep talking to me here. What a concept.

[parodeity]

I wasn’t tired, you just decided I was.

[ alternative facts... ]

...do you actually get somethin’ out of this, Egbert?

[windeity]

Okay. [Sounds fake, Dave.] Out of what, practically babysitting you sometimes? [He knows but. Dave. Use your words ]

[parodeity]

I’ve spent more of my lifetimes babysitting you than the reverse, shut the hell up. [ he shifts to his side, carefully transferring mewpac to the bed. he watches the cat. ] You aren’t that dense. Do you get something out of sleeping with me or not?

[windeity]

Ha. Ha. [Mewpac settles between them but she faces Dave and purrs at him like the traitor she is. John on the other hand is staring at the ceiling.]

...yeah, you could say that. I like to think this is mutually beneficial and maybe that’s weird but I have sort of accepted my friendship with you has always bordered on being a little weird.

[parodeity]

[ dave scratches the mutant kitten behind the ears. ]

I could say that how? Does it or doesn’t it?? Does it - do you even have trouble sleeping?

[windeity]

Of course I do. [His arms are folded behind his head and Dave can pet the kitten and everything about this situation is not weird in the slightest.] Moreso in recent nights than before, but yeah. I do. So I don't mind like...staying up, bullshitting about stuff, letting my brain wind down a little. I think maybe I think too much sometimes especially lately. It's not...always nightmares, it is lately, but it's not always that.

[parodeity]

So you need me to stay up with you when this happens?

[windeity]

Not exactly need, but the company is really nice. It gets a little weird when I let my mind wander.

[parodeity]

...I've fallen asleep before you at least two times before.

[ a frown. it's not a thing he frequently does and now he's...worried...about it... ]

[windeity]

Dave. You do know you cannot take full responsibility for things I do or do not do, don’t you? I am also an adult, believe it or not. [A hand reaches up to lightly pat him on the head.] It’s okay. I would actually prefer you fall asleep first since you sleep way less than I do.