[ like yes there is no way dave doesn't have ptsd after how many deaths both his and other people's, killing his brother, time player bullshit, and child abuse, thanks homestuck what the fuck. ]
...Yeah, more or less. I don't find it easy to sleep, either, and you help with that, too. Having someone around who can watch my back. Whatever.
[ that sounds too flippant for what he admitted but okay. ]
[Please save Dave Strider. Again, he says nothing while methodically moving his fingers over Dave's head and maybe someday Dave will realize it's partially because he's hoping it's soothing but also as a physical reminder that things are real. As it is, he doesn't reply just yet. when he does, there's a tiny laugh, not quite amused but acknowledging.]
You tell me things like that and I think about how dumb my own fears are. Being alone and forgotten isn't really...[A shrug. He never mentioned the "forgotten" part, but there it is.] I'm glad though? Even if it only sometimes helps. [Dave said sometimes. John's not stupid enough to think it's a surefire fix.] ...have you ever thought about talking to someone about all of this? [Like a therapist, he means.]
No. [ and he's passive and cagey sometimes but there's pure steel in that statement, calm and secure. everything else shuffles back behind the wall. maybe he should talk to someone, but he isn't there yet and might not be ever.
he then marks that topic as done and shifts back to the other one. ]
[It was nice while it lasted, but he can at least tell that the no is "no, I'm not going to" rather than "no, I've never thought of it." So instead he keeps up with what he's doing. With his head on John's chest Dave's probably stuck rising and falling every time John breathes but he's still relaxed and comfortable.]
Makes one of us at least. Like I said, someday I'll get over it and stop counting down when people are going to leave. [...hm.] ...I do sort of wish these stupid beds were bigger though. [That is probably because they're not supposed to comfortably fit two people, but alas.]
not that dave would sleep further away unless he had. to. so why did he suggest this. he doesn't seem to care about the rising and falling thing since he's more interested in john's heartbeat.
he taps it out with his free hand, absently. ]
You know, I don't think your idea about a permanent thing for you would work that great, either. I mean, you'd know better than me, but.
[Just. Raising an eyebrow because that's a little gay, Dave. He's not arguing it and he's not saying anything about it but there's a shrug that basically says "eh" and he doesn't seem to bother moving Dave or stopping him from tapping out a rhythm.
...why isn't he stopping this, what the fuck? He suddenly seems to come to the realization that this is probably a little unusual but at the same time their circumstances are different than most people's. It probably doesn't matter. Yeah. This is just...it just is. He almost gets lost in his train of thought before he clues in that Dave's said something else.]
Because you bein' permanent to yourself doesn't seem to be your issue, either. I kind of get the feeling sometimes we have the same problem with permanence? Ink on your skin is fine, whatever, but a thing staying isn't what you actually want, is it?
[ john was the one who was complaining about the beds and dave wasn't moving anyway? he very rarely lets himself hang off of people but john's been weirdly cuddly when they share beds so he's...assuming it is fine if he does it then.
this is really stupid but at least it means he is actively getting comfort from someone.
he keeps up the tempo, tapping it out. ]
A symbol is only a symbol. And it only has meanin' if it has what you want attached. Don't you want a person to stay, rather than a concept?
[John is just cuddly by nature, it's kind of a curse. Alas. Either way he's too lazy to move their beds together right now anyway and Dave's sprawled on him and so that's good enough for him. He's picking up on the tempo, not moving to match but memorizing it.]
I guess in a way, yes. I would not be opposed to a concept staying, too, since most things that I know have different meanings now than they did when I was a kid. But of course I want a person to stay but sometimes that is asking a lot of a person. I obviously do not mind, but it's other people I wonder what their limits are. [He tugs at Dave's hair lightly.] I think a lot of the people I've met here have a better chance at staying than others.
[John also threw his phone in the ocean not that long ago, can anything be surprising? Speaking of, there's definitely a bag of rice on his desk with his phone in it.]
Yes. Mostly because the worst a person can say is "no" and if you're already kind of prepared for that, it's better. If they say yes, then you have one more person. I think that's how people obtain best friends and significant others and whatever.
[He'll get a new phone omg. But he laughs a little and doesn't quite reply.]
Uh! That is kind of a stupid question for me. I've never had a person I need to ask one way or another. Before moving here, people either left before I could ask or I didn't feel strongly enough to try and beg them to stay. [Or he has more dignity than that even if it kills him a little.]
Mm. I mean...what changed was that I met people I really like here. Not that I didn't like the friends I had in high school and stuff but being here is different. That's all.
I won't forget you. I remembered you before I met you, anyway. And I think I remembered you even in another lifetime we never met in.
[ something about bullshit action movies and a nic cage museum, dirk had mentioned those. ]
You're a frustrating whimsical asshole, but there's some piece of you lodged in my core and I can't get it out, I guess. So, I won't forget you, even if the details go hazy.
You never told me that part. [But he doesn't say anything about it, allowing that thought to settle comfortably over him.] I think the same might be for me. That there's a piece of you constantly stuck with me now and...I don't know. I used to think maybe it was a little weird to connect with you so fast but considering we have been friends over a handful of timelines, it seems less weird now. Especially the more I remember about you.
Timeline differences. Do you know how a Scratch works? Probably not. It basically just switched around the meteor delivery dates. That means you, Mr. Egbert, were an old fuckin' man by the time I hit planet Earth. I don't know a whole lot about it, but I can't think of a single damn reason post-Scratch Dave Strider would collect Nicholas Cage memorabilia or have a Con Air obsession except for the phantom of a best friend.
[ because fuck that guy? ]
...So, you know. I won't forget you. I might apparently go weirdly crazy and make a museum dedicated to your terrible movie interests, but I won't forget you.
So that's how that works. [A mumble because yeah, everybody kept throwing around the word "Scratch" and he created the Scratch without actually understanding wtf he did consequence-wise. There's a wide grin though because that's kind of cool to think about. Something that could be that powerful is impressive.]
My movie tastes are not that terrible, shut up. [But he lets his arm curl around Dave's back and shoulders to pull him closer.] How in the fuck are you real sometimes, seriously. Our universe is so stupid sometimes and yet I keep wanting to know more anyway.
[There's a light hum.] At least you didn't have to wait around forever for me this time.
[ i'd say this is the most gay john has been but he did princess carry dave into the room in this very thread so i can't. :/
dave stops petting the probably sleeping at this point kitten and curls his hand against his chest, letting the other stay where it was on john's side as his arm was slung over, probably. and idk how much closer he can get but i guess john gets the top of dave's head at his neck or something. ]
The hell did I do to make you ask how I'm real? But yeah, that's the one thing I have up on post-Scratch me: I got to actually meet you.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
...Yeah, more or less. I don't find it easy to sleep, either, and you help with that, too. Having someone around who can watch my back. Whatever.
[ that sounds too flippant for what he admitted but okay. ]
So, yeah. You help. To answer your question.
no subject
You tell me things like that and I think about how dumb my own fears are. Being alone and forgotten isn't really...[A shrug. He never mentioned the "forgotten" part, but there it is.] I'm glad though? Even if it only sometimes helps. [Dave said sometimes. John's not stupid enough to think it's a surefire fix.] ...have you ever thought about talking to someone about all of this? [Like a therapist, he means.]
no subject
he then marks that topic as done and shifts back to the other one. ]
I've never thought your fears were dumb.
no subject
Makes one of us at least. Like I said, someday I'll get over it and stop counting down when people are going to leave. [...hm.] ...I do sort of wish these stupid beds were bigger though. [That is probably because they're not supposed to comfortably fit two people, but alas.]
no subject
not that dave would sleep further away unless he had. to. so why did he suggest this. he doesn't seem to care about the rising and falling thing since he's more interested in john's heartbeat.
he taps it out with his free hand, absently. ]
You know, I don't think your idea about a permanent thing for you would work that great, either. I mean, you'd know better than me, but.
no subject
...why isn't he stopping this, what the fuck? He suddenly seems to come to the realization that this is probably a little unusual but at the same time their circumstances are different than most people's. It probably doesn't matter. Yeah. This is just...it just is. He almost gets lost in his train of thought before he clues in that Dave's said something else.]
What? Oh. You don't think so? Why not?
no subject
[ john was the one who was complaining about the beds and dave wasn't moving anyway? he very rarely lets himself hang off of people but john's been weirdly cuddly when they share beds so he's...assuming it is fine if he does it then.
this is really stupid but at least it means he is actively getting comfort from someone.
he keeps up the tempo, tapping it out. ]
A symbol is only a symbol. And it only has meanin' if it has what you want attached. Don't you want a person to stay, rather than a concept?
no subject
I guess in a way, yes. I would not be opposed to a concept staying, too, since most things that I know have different meanings now than they did when I was a kid. But of course I want a person to stay but sometimes that is asking a lot of a person. I obviously do not mind, but it's other people I wonder what their limits are. [He tugs at Dave's hair lightly.] I think a lot of the people I've met here have a better chance at staying than others.
no subject
Do you think it's worth asking anyway?
no subject
Yes. Mostly because the worst a person can say is "no" and if you're already kind of prepared for that, it's better. If they say yes, then you have one more person. I think that's how people obtain best friends and significant others and whatever.
no subject
And is that all talk, or have you tried it, hotshot?
no subject
Uh! That is kind of a stupid question for me. I've never had a person I need to ask one way or another. Before moving here, people either left before I could ask or I didn't feel strongly enough to try and beg them to stay. [Or he has more dignity than that even if it kills him a little.]
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
[ ..............he's not being serious. ]
Hey, John?
no subject
Yeah?
no subject
no subject
[He...completely missed the implication here because he would never put two and two together in this sort of instance.]
no subject
[ something about bullshit action movies and a nic cage museum, dirk had mentioned those. ]
You're a frustrating whimsical asshole, but there's some piece of you lodged in my core and I can't get it out, I guess. So, I won't forget you, even if the details go hazy.
no subject
no subject
[ because fuck that guy? ]
...So, you know. I won't forget you. I might apparently go weirdly crazy and make a museum dedicated to your terrible movie interests, but I won't forget you.
no subject
My movie tastes are not that terrible, shut up. [But he lets his arm curl around Dave's back and shoulders to pull him closer.] How in the fuck are you real sometimes, seriously. Our universe is so stupid sometimes and yet I keep wanting to know more anyway.
[There's a light hum.] At least you didn't have to wait around forever for me this time.
no subject
dave stops petting the probably sleeping at this point kitten and curls his hand against his chest, letting the other stay where it was on john's side as his arm was slung over, probably. and idk how much closer he can get but i guess john gets the top of dave's head at his neck or something. ]
The hell did I do to make you ask how I'm real? But yeah, that's the one thing I have up on post-Scratch me: I got to actually meet you.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)