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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[parodeity]

I don't get jealous, really.

[ he says. and then he amends the statement: ]

...I don't like to acknowledge when it happens, and I think the easiest solution is to just remove myself from the picture if it does. I don't like to compete. [ stupid games for favors he can do; actually competing with people for affection or attention or power he's less in favor of. ] But it does. And it's stupid, and useless, and pathetic.

[ because who lets themselves be jealous of their friends being loved? the things dave has gotten jealous over have been mostly bullshit. maybe terezi aside. ]

- I'm jealous of people I never met.

[windeity]

[He shuts up to listen, letting Dave talk and trying to think this through.]

Yeah, I don't like to acknowledge it either when it happens. [It's very rare for John and it's not even remotely the same, but. He's making an effort.] In most case I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and say you can't change how you feel about stuff even if it's the ugly stuff like jealousy or anger or whatever. So I am not sure I would classify it as stupid and useless and pathetic. And if we are, then I guess we are both pathetic for different reasons.

[Just a thought. He doesn't ask Dave what he's been jealous about, he doesn't ask about the competition thing, he just...kind of accepts it.]

Does it help if you remove yourself from the picture even if the people you are jealous of aren't around?

[parodeity]

I don’t know. It’s not really viable in the cases that exist right now - mostly.

[ he had a reason for bringing it up. he just has to circle around to it. ]

- there’s a version of myself I was jealous of even back then. [ post scratch. not raised by bro. died fighting the batter with but he had been jealous of the idea of a version of dave strider who wasn’t such a complete mess. ] And I want...

[ what he wants is to never admit to what he wants because that is always dangerous. ]

...What you joked about, because I always pick the stupidest fucking thing.

[windeity]

Oh. [There were plenty of versions of themselves, he thinks, even if he doesn't know post-scratch yet or the BW or anything like that.] It is strange, isn't it?

[He furrows his eyebrows together though while he tries to understand what Dave's asking for.] I joked about a lot of things, dude, including going phone-shopping and raising the cat together. [A hesitant smile.] Help me out here?

[parodeity]

[ ...ok he thought John was being kind of serious about both those examples so dave pauses and. files away the information that this was not the case before moving on. it takes a few startled minutes. ]

Just. The weirdest one.

[ which is??? ]

[windeity]

[His brain catches up a few minutes later--]

I was serious about those, by the way. But like. They are different levels of seriousness? [Haha help him.] ...look I'm really bad at trying to take things like this seriously too even though I really, really want to. My default reactions are either joke about everything immediately or cynicism and those are really, really bad options sometimes. So...I have no idea what even counts as the weirdest one considering you felt like you had to use a favor for me to hug you.

[parodeity]

The one where we talked about me carving out your insides.

[ hey remember how dave is super fucking weird john when he says weird he means weird although this time he means it metaphorically. ]

In this lifetime I’m really kinda jealous of the people who got to like... [ ok this isn’t the explaining why he said the weird thing ] ...be your friend and hear your thoughts and who you actually told those things to or who - people who lucked out and got to be around and didn’t have to be told. I want to know the things that make you tick that I just don’t know. Because knowing you then doesn’t cover - it’s not - it doesn’t let me know you now except sideways? I want -

[ a shrug, sort of helplessly amused at his own inability to explain himself in a way that sounds halfway normal. ]

- I want to be the person - one of the people - you tell things to and I want to open you up and see how the gears fit together, and that’s ridiculously weird and unfair and I’d understand if you want to like...leave the roof.

[windeity]

[He's going to stare at him for a moment because that is a lot to comprehend and it is a lot to handle. He doesn't know what to say exactly and he doesn't want to answer immediately and risk screwing it up. So. Staring. That happens for a minute before there's a small sigh and he moves, grabbing Dave's arm and bedspread cape and pulling him to his chest anyway since Dave stopped halfway through the request. Take your hug, Strider.]

You are so goddamn weird. [It's mumbled, but there's a small hint of fondness in his tone.] You're jealous of people I don't even care about anymore. That's why I came here. And yeah, okay, maybe it is a little weird and unfair but I think it is sort of like one of those things that's a side effect of paradox space. In every other timeline we were best friends. I know that much even if I do not remember other timelines. So this one not having that probably is even weirder.

You just had to ask, dude. You've remembered so much about our universe and about me that I was really not even sure you wanted to hear about the stuff I remembered or the stuff about this life. I thought maybe it'd be boring since you grew up here and you had Yuri and Anya and your family and stuff. And I am making a lot of friends here but you are still the friend who understands what I'm remembering so...you have that over everybody else. And since you brought the creepy metaphor back, again, I am still okay with you eating my insides.

[A breath.] ...are we okay?

[parodeity]

[ every time dave says something is weird and john goes haha surely it’s not that weird dave is obligated to prove him wrong. if only it were less easy? he doesn’t dodge being dragged but he’s been up here most of the day and night so john is treated to the frozen version of dave strider. dave has icicle fingers to latch onto john’s arms to catch his balance and this is stupid so.

he does not know the answer to that question. ]

Are we? Because I always want to know everything, and it isn’t fair. Because there’s shit I just can’t tell you.

[ it’s an uneven trade even if john were willing because dave isn’t sure he can work up to saying the words a third time. ]

I don’t...I’m kind of not a great pick for a best friend, I realize. I laugh when I shouldn’t and I don’t know how to do this right? I don’t know how to be serious either.

[windeity]

[He makes a face because yeah, he can feel Dave's hands and he resolves this by bundling him up tighter.]

I would like to be if you would let it be a thing. Being okay, that is. It's...we're not perfect yet but I definitely feel more at ease with you than I do with other people. I'm not sure what you can't tell me but...I can only guess they are just things that are pretty hard so they can maybe be talked about later. Or something. I don't think we need to know right this second what the fuck we're doing, but I would rather work on it than just leave it half-completed.

[parodeity]

[ what if dave resolves it by trying to catch john’s hands and sap all his heat ]

Work on it how?

[windeity]

[SIGH. He'll wrap his hands around Dave's because god!! Whatever!!]

We can start by going back inside and not sleeping on the roof? Just saying?

[parodeity]

[ john initiated this hug now he has to pay the consequences ]

I don’t know if we can yet. Why are you tryin’ to remember faster and then not telling me what you do? You get that’s not...you don’t havr to do that?

[windeity]

[They're going to sleep on this fucking roof, aren't they.]

Okay. [But. Hm. That's troubling to answer and he thinks it over.] I know I don't, but I want to so I understand things better and it takes pressure off of you keeping spoilers from me. [He frowns lightly.] Do you really want to hear everything else I've remembered so far?

[parodeity]

Yes? I already know enough that you probably won’t shock me. And I...

[ ....... ]

...it’s not like there’s pressure for that, but...

[ that’s vague and not a full sentence but basically he only wants to check john is still bro free ]

[windeity]

[...raising an eyebrow??]

But...? [Words, Dave.]

[parodeity]

...it’s up to you. It’s your shit, you know? If anything, it’s fine to just mention the ones that involve me so I know what might come up. If possible.

[ he can settle for that?? it’s a warning he wants?? ]

[windeity]

...I mean I don't mind, it's just. [How do you explain.] Hard to figure out when to bring things up. I remember them at the weirdest times so it's like...I don't want to text you every single time I remember something. [He licks his lips a bit to pause and think.] I remembered something last night when I finally fell asleep, for example. And things were weird with us so I just ignored it. But I can tell you anything I remember involving you, that makes sense.

[parodeity]

...yeah, I figured. [ blandly. ] ...whatever you prefer? I...

[ he already said he wants to know everything and modified it to “uh about me” to seem a little more reasonable because the rest isn’t even partly his to ask for.

dave shrugs. ]

I don’t know. I used to just bring Dirk up to speed when I saw him. I haven’t...tried to do that otherwise?

[windeity]

Let's try this. I can tell you what I've remembered recently and you can see how much of the rest of the dumb bullshit you want to remember. Mostly because I cannot remember what you already know and what I have already told you. I told you everything about you, I think.

[parodeity]

All right. Go for it?

[ he’s reasonably sure john can’t like rock his understanding of their dumbshit universe too much.

...he’s reasonably sure john never had a clue what the plot was. ]

[windeity]

...Karkat told me about the bomb and he told me about you and Rose. I knew about that before last night. And I did not really understand what that meant. I remember fighting Jack and winning, but he didn't die. He ran away, I think. I had a different hammer? I remember Rose throwing a blanket fort down into the endless abyss. Um. I remember talking to Jade about meteors and things being destroyed.

And...I remember ascending.

[parodeity]

The Jack thing was probably around the time you started pulling bullshit, and yeah, I figured. [ re: ascending.

...

he remembers rose mentioning the jack thing. so as per usual none of the information seems to shock him. ]

[windeity]

And by bullshit you mean the time-changing powers? [Thanks Dave.]

[parodeity]

What time changing powers? [ calmly...he can’t remember what the fuck john knows ]