I remember zapping because I disappeared from your room. I don't remember dream bubbles though I think? [A shrug. The tone gets his attention but he doesn't ask.] The whole thing is very confusing but yeah, I remember that, I remember talking to Terezi about learning to use my powers, and I remember Vriska putting me to sleep.
[ he had been about to briefly explain dream bubbles just to have the terminology out there, but his attention snaps to the relevant part he didn’t know. ]
Uh huh. I think so, anyway. [He's still holding Dave's hands to warm them up but he's thinking about that particular memory.] AG is Vriska, right? We were talking and she said that taking a nap on this specific bed would make me climb the god tiers. But it was like a slab of rock instead, and she asked if I wanted her to put me to sleep. And I said yes because sleeping would help me realize my destiny or whatever.
And then I remember the fireflies and ascending and becoming a god. [A beat.] I saw my death in the clouds.
But you don’t remember it. [ with just hand holding and no friction they will warm slowly but dave doesn’t seem interested anyway. he’s just staring at john. ] You can’t remember that pain.
[ this is literally the only good news he’s ever had about any death. ]
No. [And maybe he will remember the pain of another death later. He doesn't tell Dave that Jack killed him because he doesn't remember how yet, and he came back. He will another time when he has the facts. But this is important and he's nervous but he shakes his head to affirm his words.] No, I do not remember it. I only remember rising after that.
I am going to guess I didn't know I had to? [He sounds confused because--] How did you even know about this? Did I tell you guys about god tiers or what?
fireflies in the sky; how many times had he ended up looping past and through that moment doing other things, only to see it again and again? dave doesn’t remember, but he does wonder. ]
...that's why you didn't like what I sent you earlier. [Because if it reminded him of a sky of fireflies and rising up, it probably reminded Dave, too.]
...oh. [WHOOPS.] ...sometimes I get inspired by very strange and maybe morbid things. I upped the tempo from what I was thinking about. I was thinking about this for days but I fixed it after I remembered last night. I had no idea you actually knew about it.
[...] That's all though. Everything I remember and stuff.
...that's not fair, Dave. [Just a thought. His thumbs are moving over his hands to get his blood moving again, warm up his hands a little even as Dave's draped in his bedding.] I learned last night, I would have told you when I thought it was a good time.
[Maybe that's not what Dave even means.] But yeah. I do.
It’s not. [ fair. he shrugs. ] - I didn’t react fair. I don’t...you seem to have the wrong idea about things I do sometimes? You don’t like it when I ask you if you’re sure or say you don’t have to or - all of that. I know...I fucked up. But that isn’t...what you were saying, not entirely and maybe not even all the way. That’s not really related I guess.
[...] They might be a little related? I am not entirely sure since I cannot tell what all you're thinking. You're right, I do not like when you ask if I'm sure about stuff or tell me I do not have to do things because they are usually things I am very sure about.
...wanna try to explain? [He's expecting a no, but that's okay.]
...I do not like not having escape routes even though I am used to that. Paradox space does not offer them to people generally. Doesn’t matter what the fuck you want or don’t; if you’re a time player you have to do what you’re going to do, or you’re just another dead kid walking. There are the illusions of options, maybe, but there’s one razor thin line you walk on and no matter what you think or feel you can’t deviate.
[ there’s bro, cutting off every escape route and never asking if things were all right because he never spoke; dirk and other people trying to make choices dave didn’t want but did accept; the way he lies himself on the first go around because he’s too well trained to put up a fight sometimes. ]
I don’t like to trap people into things and I don’t like to not give them outs a few times to be sure. And maybe that can be summed up as not trustin’ what you mean, but I can’t flip it off and it isn’t for the reasons you think, I think, or it’s not...as clear cut as that.
[He has a weird feeling about this. He doesn't like thinking about it and so his thoughts shy away from following a line of logic, blindly trusting what Dave's saying and nodding along for now. Paradox space is a bitch, he knows that, and he's not a Time player. He doesn't know what it's like to be locked into a timeline.]
...okay. See, that was all you needed to say. [He keeps his expression calm and relaxed so that he can get his point across.] I'll try not to get frustrated about it then. I'm just not used to people questioning my choices, that's all. But we can work on that.
[ this blind trust is exactly what he always relied on back then. he is automatically trying to rely on his ability to talk fast to get him out of any confirmation of his deepest secret.
he does shrug, though. ]
You aren’t wrong that part of it is I don’t...people who have agreed to shit with me before have eventually regretted it, or they leave, or whatever. Both timelines. It’s not that it isn’t a factor. It just isn’t the only factor.
[ he keeps jumping around because he is not sure wtf they need to talk out but he’s a little desperate to make sure whatever it is works. ]
[But is Dave desperate to make sure things get talked out and fixed or just that John doesn't learn about Bro? The world may never know.]
I still think you should maybe let me make that decision to take the risk anyway, but I have a hard time picturing regretting or leaving considering what I have told you about my life and the things I hate. But I get it. It's a scary thing to think about.
[He's somehow trying to keep up though.] I don't want you to fuck off. You piss me off sometimes when I have no idea what's going on and I feel like my brain is melting sometimes and I threw my phone into the ocean, but I'll get over it after a while. It's never permanent and like I said, it is just another thing we can work on if you want. We do have to live together for the rest of the year and next summer.
[They don't have to live together next summer, but he wants to and he's conveying that as well as he can.]
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[ he actually sounds
Annoyed
because why did rose get dream john :/ ]
So actually I can place that pretty precisely on my timeline. Pretty sure the stupid hat is just because you’re a hopeless dork though.
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[ he had been about to briefly explain dream bubbles just to have the terminology out there, but his attention snaps to the relevant part he didn’t know. ]
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And then I remember the fireflies and ascending and becoming a god. [A beat.] I saw my death in the clouds.
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[ this is literally the only good news he’s ever had about any death. ]
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[ he doesn’t remember being told that? and of course he wouldn’t ask back then - without John saying sleep, he wouldn’t have asked now. ]
I’ve been worried since...
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fireflies in the sky; how many times had he ended up looping past and through that moment doing other things, only to see it again and again? dave doesn’t remember, but he does wonder. ]
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[ GOD
and then, shockingly: ]
But yeah.
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[...] That's all though. Everything I remember and stuff.
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[ talk? they do, just not about this usually. ]
Do you ever realize that you just don’t know someone? It happens here all the time, even if you used to.
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[Maybe that's not what Dave even means.] But yeah. I do.
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...wanna try to explain? [He's expecting a no, but that's okay.]
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[ how the fuck can he explain without bro. ]
...I do not like not having escape routes even though I am used to that. Paradox space does not offer them to people generally. Doesn’t matter what the fuck you want or don’t; if you’re a time player you have to do what you’re going to do, or you’re just another dead kid walking. There are the illusions of options, maybe, but there’s one razor thin line you walk on and no matter what you think or feel you can’t deviate.
[ there’s bro, cutting off every escape route and never asking if things were all right because he never spoke; dirk and other people trying to make choices dave didn’t want but did accept; the way he lies himself on the first go around because he’s too well trained to put up a fight sometimes. ]
I don’t like to trap people into things and I don’t like to not give them outs a few times to be sure. And maybe that can be summed up as not trustin’ what you mean, but I can’t flip it off and it isn’t for the reasons you think, I think, or it’s not...as clear cut as that.
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...okay. See, that was all you needed to say. [He keeps his expression calm and relaxed so that he can get his point across.] I'll try not to get frustrated about it then. I'm just not used to people questioning my choices, that's all. But we can work on that.
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he does shrug, though. ]
You aren’t wrong that part of it is I don’t...people who have agreed to shit with me before have eventually regretted it, or they leave, or whatever. Both timelines. It’s not that it isn’t a factor. It just isn’t the only factor.
[ he keeps jumping around because he is not sure wtf they need to talk out but he’s a little desperate to make sure whatever it is works. ]
- I figured you wanted me to fuck off.
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I still think you should maybe let me make that decision to take the risk anyway, but I have a hard time picturing regretting or leaving considering what I have told you about my life and the things I hate. But I get it. It's a scary thing to think about.
[He's somehow trying to keep up though.] I don't want you to fuck off. You piss me off sometimes when I have no idea what's going on and I feel like my brain is melting sometimes and I threw my phone into the ocean, but I'll get over it after a while. It's never permanent and like I said, it is just another thing we can work on if you want. We do have to live together for the rest of the year and next summer.
[They don't have to live together next summer, but he wants to and he's conveying that as well as he can.]
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- what did you want to know. About what I said or did. Last night?
[ we are still skipping around apparently ]
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If I had let you go last night, would you have eventually come back?
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Probably, if I figured you wanted me around again. I would have kept out of your hair ‘til then.
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[ he clearly hadn’t thought that far ahead. ]
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here take my 8000th tag
im loved
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