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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[parodeity]

I could see it. [ he gestures up at the sky.

fireflies in the sky; how many times had he ended up looping past and through that moment doing other things, only to see it again and again? dave doesn’t remember, but he does wonder. ]

[windeity]

...that's why you didn't like what I sent you earlier. [Because if it reminded him of a sky of fireflies and rising up, it probably reminded Dave, too.]

[parodeity]

...I didn’t say that.

[ GOD

and then, shockingly: ]

But yeah.

[windeity]

...oh. [WHOOPS.] ...sometimes I get inspired by very strange and maybe morbid things. I upped the tempo from what I was thinking about. I was thinking about this for days but I fixed it after I remembered last night. I had no idea you actually knew about it.

[...] That's all though. Everything I remember and stuff.

[parodeity]

I don’t mind morbid things. [ not really. ] But I’ve spent months waiting for that particular shoe to drop, and it was confirmation we don’t...

[ talk? they do, just not about this usually. ]

Do you ever realize that you just don’t know someone? It happens here all the time, even if you used to.

[windeity]

...that's not fair, Dave. [Just a thought. His thumbs are moving over his hands to get his blood moving again, warm up his hands a little even as Dave's draped in his bedding.] I learned last night, I would have told you when I thought it was a good time.

[Maybe that's not what Dave even means.] But yeah. I do.

[parodeity]

It’s not. [ fair. he shrugs. ] - I didn’t react fair. I don’t...you seem to have the wrong idea about things I do sometimes? You don’t like it when I ask you if you’re sure or say you don’t have to or - all of that. I know...I fucked up. But that isn’t...what you were saying, not entirely and maybe not even all the way. That’s not really related I guess.

[windeity]

[...] They might be a little related? I am not entirely sure since I cannot tell what all you're thinking. You're right, I do not like when you ask if I'm sure about stuff or tell me I do not have to do things because they are usually things I am very sure about.

...wanna try to explain? [He's expecting a no, but that's okay.]

[parodeity]

I...

[ how the fuck can he explain without bro. ]

...I do not like not having escape routes even though I am used to that. Paradox space does not offer them to people generally. Doesn’t matter what the fuck you want or don’t; if you’re a time player you have to do what you’re going to do, or you’re just another dead kid walking. There are the illusions of options, maybe, but there’s one razor thin line you walk on and no matter what you think or feel you can’t deviate.

[ there’s bro, cutting off every escape route and never asking if things were all right because he never spoke; dirk and other people trying to make choices dave didn’t want but did accept; the way he lies himself on the first go around because he’s too well trained to put up a fight sometimes. ]

I don’t like to trap people into things and I don’t like to not give them outs a few times to be sure. And maybe that can be summed up as not trustin’ what you mean, but I can’t flip it off and it isn’t for the reasons you think, I think, or it’s not...as clear cut as that.

[windeity]

[He has a weird feeling about this. He doesn't like thinking about it and so his thoughts shy away from following a line of logic, blindly trusting what Dave's saying and nodding along for now. Paradox space is a bitch, he knows that, and he's not a Time player. He doesn't know what it's like to be locked into a timeline.]

...okay. See, that was all you needed to say. [He keeps his expression calm and relaxed so that he can get his point across.] I'll try not to get frustrated about it then. I'm just not used to people questioning my choices, that's all. But we can work on that.

[parodeity]

[ this blind trust is exactly what he always relied on back then. he is automatically trying to rely on his ability to talk fast to get him out of any confirmation of his deepest secret.

he does shrug, though. ]

You aren’t wrong that part of it is I don’t...people who have agreed to shit with me before have eventually regretted it, or they leave, or whatever. Both timelines. It’s not that it isn’t a factor. It just isn’t the only factor.

[ he keeps jumping around because he is not sure wtf they need to talk out but he’s a little desperate to make sure whatever it is works. ]

- I figured you wanted me to fuck off.

[windeity]

[But is Dave desperate to make sure things get talked out and fixed or just that John doesn't learn about Bro? The world may never know.]

I still think you should maybe let me make that decision to take the risk anyway, but I have a hard time picturing regretting or leaving considering what I have told you about my life and the things I hate. But I get it. It's a scary thing to think about.

[He's somehow trying to keep up though.] I don't want you to fuck off. You piss me off sometimes when I have no idea what's going on and I feel like my brain is melting sometimes and I threw my phone into the ocean, but I'll get over it after a while. It's never permanent and like I said, it is just another thing we can work on if you want. We do have to live together for the rest of the year and next summer.

[They don't have to live together next summer, but he wants to and he's conveying that as well as he can.]

[parodeity]

[ some of column a some of column b ]

- what did you want to know. About what I said or did. Last night?

[ we are still skipping around apparently ]

[windeity]

[Hm. There are a lot of things but he's on a little bit of overload trying to even remember.]

If I had let you go last night, would you have eventually come back?

[parodeity]

[ instant shrug. ]

Probably, if I figured you wanted me around again. I would have kept out of your hair ‘til then.

[windeity]

And what would you have taken as a sign that I wanted you around again? [May as well know for the future.]

[parodeity]

Saying so or touching me, I guess?

[ he clearly hadn’t thought that far ahead. ]

[windeity]

If I recall, I tried to hug you like twenty minutes ago and you sat there and stared at me. [He sounds mildly amused at least.] I'm sorry I blocked you from leaving but I kind of think maybe I was a little right? At least for last night. In the future if you want to go somewhere I won't stop you since I know you'll eventually come back

[Or John will figure out how to with this new information.]

...I know there are a lot of things you are afraid of that we talked about yesterday. But I will do what I can to make sure it's less of a thing. [And then, curiously:] Still against coming inside and sleeping with me tonight?

[parodeity]

Probably you were. My reactions when I shut down ain’t always the most reliable. It wasn’t like it was a panic attack or anything, though.

[ muttered. he raises back to a speaking voice for: ].

...not if you want me there. Was that your only question?

[windeity]

[He thinks about asking about panic attacks, but then he thinks maybe he misheard and so he leaves it alone.]

I have other ones, but it's still really cold out and I am a little worried about you getting sick from staying out too long. Come inside with me?

[parodeity]

I don’t get sick easy.

[ ...why can’t they talk inside though. ]

Can you ask the other ones? I’ll avoid the roof for, I don’t know, the rest of the week.

[windeity]

[Yeah this is a little weird, Dave.]

Is there something wrong that you don't want to come inside yet?

[parodeity]

...no. [ sounds like yes but he can’t figure out how to word his issue so he twists his hands away so he can stand up. ] Just bein’ weird?

[windeity]

Dude. [He stays on the ground and looks at him carefully.] Whatever it is you may as well try to say it now?

[parodeity]

...I still don't know if I completely understand how I fucked up, and I'm worried I'll do it again.