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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

[He wants to ask why Dave is lying to him. The answer is always the same, though. He shouldn't be surprised.]

In other words, you don't trust me.

[parodeity]

I didn't say that. [ he's said it before, but not recently. ] That's not - there's always goin' to be shit that comes up. For anyone. There's no way anyone in the universe can guarantee always bein' at a specific place and time every iteration of that specific place and time all the way into eternity.

[ but yeah, he doesn't trust that something else won't end up taking precedence some tuesday in the future, bringing dave to a redux. he's not sure it matters if he just...doesn't think about them as absolutes. it's probably the best of both worlds: give dirk the movie nights, but treat them casually, so dirk doesn't get hurt and neither does dave when it eventually goes south. ]

We can if you want to. I shouldn't have said anythin' to start with.

[splinten]

Yes, you should have. I'd rather know than not know. Considering the alternative makes me physically ill.

[Sitting there while Dave pretends that this means the same thing that it did. Regularly scheduled brotherly deception. He could throw up.]

You'd say that I wouldn't know, and maybe you'd actually manage to get it past me. As you've commented in the past, I'm not as good at it as I think I am. That doesn't mean you lying to me once a week every week would be any less toxic to us.

[parodeity]

I think the way I felt the other day is probably more toxic. We'd only done it three times.

[ valentine's was only the fourth tuesday since they'd made it a thing, and dave's pretty sure as the time player he should have seen this coming. he's since gone through every potential conflict for the next few decades.

dave decides he will not tell dirk that part, because it sounds about as insanely neurotic as it actually is. ]

But I can handle it now if you still want to. [ which dirk literally just said they shouldn't do if it required lying, but simply refusing to expect anything isn't the same as outright lying. probably. ]

[splinten]

It isn't more toxic. [Lying is worse. Dirk is sure of it.]

Three times is a pattern. [It's a weird way to phrase it, but Dirk and Dave have mathematics in common. It's the basic rule. One is an instance. Two is a repetition. Three is a pattern. Three items in a series, three siblings in a story, three iterations in a joke.] That's long enough to make you get used to a thing. Valentine's is the punchline.

[Dirk doesn't move closer. The punchline: he wanted to have part of Valentine's with his brother because he loves him, and instead it wrecked that and movie nights at the same time.]

I really hate the Gods of Irony.

[parodeity]

Isn't that the same thing as sayin' you hate us?

[ gods. irony sprinkled in things they do and say. the shoe fits. ]

Not that I'd blame you there. Just sayin', though.

[ he'd ask dirk to sit down to move or something, but dave doesn't want to ask for anything else right now when his last halfway request is still the aftereffects of a nuclear bomb. ]

[splinten]

If we were the Gods of Irony, we'd have way better control over the stupidity that happens in our life.

[No one asks him anything so Dirk stays standing with his hands in his pockets and his expressions on his face, for anyone with Strider adeptness to read.]

The thing that's ironic is I wanted to spend Valentine's with you because I love you, and I really like allocating time to your exclusive company. Instead, I broke the time that I allocate to your exclusive company.

[parodeity]

Dirk, you literally did nothing wrong, full stop. It's just...me. Okay? I did the wrong thing and I can't...

[ dave nearly says he can't handle that, but he keeps saying he can so he shouldn't so obviously contradict himself, maybe. ]

You did everything right. I'm sorry I'm an asshole. [ he's sorry he didn't just keep it quiet, too, but dirk doesn't want to hear that part. dave uncovers his face and examines the bottom of the top bunk before flicking his gaze sideways to see exactly how much damage he did. ] We can still do the time allocation thing.

[ should have just gone with it in the first place, and this is why people like having brain to mouth filters, although dirk said he hadn't expected this so maybe dave had been hiding it better than he'd been worried he had until he fucked up and told the truth. ]

[splinten]

We can't if you don't actually believe in it.

[Dirk walks over to Dave, but then he stops. He doesn't sit on the bed. He sits in front of it, on the ground. Cross-legged and so level with Dave's head.]

You know how I said I wanted you to need me more? That's why I'm okay with you being an asshole. This particular assholeishness is about needing me. Because I'm also an asshole, I like that.

[parodeity]

[ dirk. why the fuck are you sitting on the floor. dave turns on his side, but he doesn't reach out. ]

I'm sorry. [ for not believing it, for not wanting to give dirk the chance of him believing it, because there's just no way they'll be able to stick to it and it'll hurt worse the second time and the third time and the fourth time. ]

I know every single potential foreseeable conflict for the next several decades now. For any day of the week.

[ ok, shit. that sounds creepy and clingy and weird. ]

...I didn't want to say that part, so let's pretend I didn't.

[ but it'd freaked him out that something time related had snuck up on him so. he hadn't been able to stop himself checking. ]

[splinten]

[It doesn't surprise him. Dirk also doesn't ignore it. Instead, he listens.]

What are the conflicts on Tuesday for the next ten years?

[parodeity]

Please don't make me go through them.

[ that's so many years and so many tuesdays and while he has the figures there (halloween this year and rose and roxy's birthday the year after that and fucking christmas the year after that - ) dave doesn't want to think about the things he doesn't want to go up against. ]

There's at least two more holidays this year alone, if you gotta know.

[splinten]

Which two?

[parodeity]

Dirk. Please. You can get a calendar from URSULA if you really want and discuss it with yourself. Even discountin' the shit I can see comin', there is always the shit I can't and I think it'd be best if we just...made it more casual.

[ safer, but also less toxic maybe? he doesn't fucking know, dave just knows he hated the other day and doesn't ever want to get in the way remotely like that. ]

If someone else - Mom or Jake or Hinata or anyone - ever needs you on a Tuesday evening, you can't be fuckin' worrying about me and I can't be an idiot. I don't want this to be a thing we do anymore. Okay? Not on my side.

[splinten]

[Dirk leans forward. Without getting onto the bed, he tilts and rests his head on it. It's awkward and stupid but he can't get any closer. He is so tired.] I enjoy having routines and schedules with you. I hate having anything we built between us destroyed.

[parodeity]

At various times in the next ten years every friend's birthday falls on a Tuesday at least once if not multiple times. New Year's and New Year's Eve and Christmas and Christmas Eve and Halloween and the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving and Valentine's. Those are all foreseeable conflicts.

[ he doesn't even want to think about the unforeseeable ones. ]

If you want a schedule we can - no that wouldn't work.

[ he was about to offer their birthday as collateral but dirk might want to do other things on his birthday so nvm. ]

[splinten]

We can what? [There's a pause. A frown.] You said 'if I want a schedule.' You were going to offer me a bargain to make me stop.

[parodeity]

You said you hate it when I do that.

[ but also he doesn't actually have a bargain worth making here because every day he could give dirk is better spent with like. anyone else. for dirk. ]

[splinten]

That would be because I do.

[The frown softens, but it's still there. He wants to say something but he knows Dave won't take it. Still, he has to say it. Isn't that what his Bro stood for? Fighting the losing battle because you have to. Because it's the right thing to do.]

All of those are things we can do before or after the hours we use for movie night.

[parodeity]

Ok. We'll defer that train wreck until December.

[ whatever train wreck he's referring to. ]

If you don't want to give them up we don't have to. Just...we can just keep it casual. So it's okay to break them. That'd be better. If it's not a promise it doesn't matter if we have to reschedule.

[splinten]

[The other thing could be answered to but.]

What trainwreck.

[Now what.]

[parodeity]

...Nothing?

[ fuck ]

[splinten]

Wow. I'm completely persuaded.

[being exhausted and sad doesn't stop him from being sarcastic. IT ONLY MAKES HIM STRONGER]

[parodeity]

...I'm probably not going to spend huge amounts of time at our birthday party?

[ especially if it's a combo party. ]

I was going to offer to...stick around then instead of ditch.

[splinten]

[A few things occur to Dirk here. Some are the reasons why Dave wouldn't be there. There are other matters as well.

One, however, is most prominent.]

You are offering to stay in a place you don't want to be, for me. After I explained I didn't want to spend time with you if it made you miserable because it was toxic and lonely.

[Dave.]