[ dirk. why the fuck are you sitting on the floor. dave turns on his side, but he doesn't reach out. ]
I'm sorry. [ for not believing it, for not wanting to give dirk the chance of him believing it, because there's just no way they'll be able to stick to it and it'll hurt worse the second time and the third time and the fourth time. ]
I know every single potential foreseeable conflict for the next several decades now. For any day of the week.
[ ok, shit. that sounds creepy and clingy and weird. ]
...I didn't want to say that part, so let's pretend I didn't.
[ but it'd freaked him out that something time related had snuck up on him so. he hadn't been able to stop himself checking. ]
[ that's so many years and so many tuesdays and while he has the figures there (halloween this year and rose and roxy's birthday the year after that and fucking christmas the year after that - ) dave doesn't want to think about the things he doesn't want to go up against. ]
There's at least two more holidays this year alone, if you gotta know.
Dirk. Please. You can get a calendar from URSULA if you really want and discuss it with yourself. Even discountin' the shit I can see comin', there is always the shit I can't and I think it'd be best if we just...made it more casual.
[ safer, but also less toxic maybe? he doesn't fucking know, dave just knows he hated the other day and doesn't ever want to get in the way remotely like that. ]
If someone else - Mom or Jake or Hinata or anyone - ever needs you on a Tuesday evening, you can't be fuckin' worrying about me and I can't be an idiot. I don't want this to be a thing we do anymore. Okay? Not on my side.
[Dirk leans forward. Without getting onto the bed, he tilts and rests his head on it. It's awkward and stupid but he can't get any closer. He is so tired.] I enjoy having routines and schedules with you. I hate having anything we built between us destroyed.
At various times in the next ten years every friend's birthday falls on a Tuesday at least once if not multiple times. New Year's and New Year's Eve and Christmas and Christmas Eve and Halloween and the Fourth of July and Thanksgiving and Valentine's. Those are all foreseeable conflicts.
[ he doesn't even want to think about the unforeseeable ones. ]
If you want a schedule we can - no that wouldn't work.
[ he was about to offer their birthday as collateral but dirk might want to do other things on his birthday so nvm. ]
[ but also he doesn't actually have a bargain worth making here because every day he could give dirk is better spent with like. anyone else. for dirk. ]
[The frown softens, but it's still there. He wants to say something but he knows Dave won't take it. Still, he has to say it. Isn't that what his Bro stood for? Fighting the losing battle because you have to. Because it's the right thing to do.]
All of those are things we can do before or after the hours we use for movie night.
If you don't want to give them up we don't have to. Just...we can just keep it casual. So it's okay to break them. That'd be better. If it's not a promise it doesn't matter if we have to reschedule.
[A few things occur to Dirk here. Some are the reasons why Dave wouldn't be there. There are other matters as well.
One, however, is most prominent.]
You are offering to stay in a place you don't want to be, for me. After I explained I didn't want to spend time with you if it made you miserable because it was toxic and lonely.
[He almost gets his hackles up and starts defending and then he realizes it's pointless and also slight of hand. So, instead, he makes himself not do that.]
You're ignoring nuance, but yes. There are a few reasons behind it. Do you want to know the major one?
Because of all the things I really don't want to do, being responsible for your unhappiness is top of the list. Prince of Heart means I should see it coming. Mostly, it makes me need to send you an urgent text message which is usually pointless since we're in the same room.
No. [He's okay right now. He's calm and he's thinking and he is resting his head awkwardly on a bed.]
A while ago, though, yeah. Before you told me you wanted to cancel movie nights. For another dishing of irony on tonight's overdone menu, that helped me get out of it. It was around when I mentioned drowning.
[Dirk grew up alone in the middle of ocean. Of course whenever he thinks of dying, he thinks of giving in to the sea.]
Then it just took a system reboot to refocus, to use inappropriate computing metaphors that are probably not awesome for my self-image. Anyway, I'm okay now. It would be dishonesty even past your usual level to say I'm good, but I don't want to make creative use of a sendificator so I'm calling it a win.
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I'm sorry. [ for not believing it, for not wanting to give dirk the chance of him believing it, because there's just no way they'll be able to stick to it and it'll hurt worse the second time and the third time and the fourth time. ]
I know every single potential foreseeable conflict for the next several decades now. For any day of the week.
[ ok, shit. that sounds creepy and clingy and weird. ]
...I didn't want to say that part, so let's pretend I didn't.
[ but it'd freaked him out that something time related had snuck up on him so. he hadn't been able to stop himself checking. ]
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What are the conflicts on Tuesday for the next ten years?
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[ that's so many years and so many tuesdays and while he has the figures there (halloween this year and rose and roxy's birthday the year after that and fucking christmas the year after that - ) dave doesn't want to think about the things he doesn't want to go up against. ]
There's at least two more holidays this year alone, if you gotta know.
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[ safer, but also less toxic maybe? he doesn't fucking know, dave just knows he hated the other day and doesn't ever want to get in the way remotely like that. ]
If someone else - Mom or Jake or Hinata or anyone - ever needs you on a Tuesday evening, you can't be fuckin' worrying about me and I can't be an idiot. I don't want this to be a thing we do anymore. Okay? Not on my side.
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[ he doesn't even want to think about the unforeseeable ones. ]
If you want a schedule we can - no that wouldn't work.
[ he was about to offer their birthday as collateral but dirk might want to do other things on his birthday so nvm. ]
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[ but also he doesn't actually have a bargain worth making here because every day he could give dirk is better spent with like. anyone else. for dirk. ]
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[The frown softens, but it's still there. He wants to say something but he knows Dave won't take it. Still, he has to say it. Isn't that what his Bro stood for? Fighting the losing battle because you have to. Because it's the right thing to do.]
All of those are things we can do before or after the hours we use for movie night.
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[ whatever train wreck he's referring to. ]
If you don't want to give them up we don't have to. Just...we can just keep it casual. So it's okay to break them. That'd be better. If it's not a promise it doesn't matter if we have to reschedule.
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What trainwreck.
[Now what.]
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[ fuck ]
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[being exhausted and sad doesn't stop him from being sarcastic. IT ONLY MAKES HIM STRONGER]
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[ especially if it's a combo party. ]
I was going to offer to...stick around then instead of ditch.
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One, however, is most prominent.]
You are offering to stay in a place you don't want to be, for me. After I explained I didn't want to spend time with you if it made you miserable because it was toxic and lonely.
[Dave.]
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[ he only got...halfway through the offer. ]
I don't get why you have such a big deal with this - you do shit you don't want to do for other people, too.
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You're ignoring nuance, but yes. There are a few reasons behind it. Do you want to know the major one?
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[ he imagines it's because bro always let dave do things he didn't want to do. or required it. ]
But tell me anyway.
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A while ago, though, yeah. Before you told me you wanted to cancel movie nights. For another dishing of irony on tonight's overdone menu, that helped me get out of it. It was around when I mentioned drowning.
[Dirk grew up alone in the middle of ocean. Of course whenever he thinks of dying, he thinks of giving in to the sea.]
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[ no, wait. he actually works through it. ]
Because I wasn't tellin' you at all.
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Then it just took a system reboot to refocus, to use inappropriate computing metaphors that are probably not awesome for my self-image. Anyway, I'm okay now. It would be dishonesty even past your usual level to say I'm good, but I don't want to make creative use of a sendificator so I'm calling it a win.
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Creative use of a - oh.
[ goddamnit dirk. dave seriously debates demanding dirk never make anything remotely resembling a sendificator ever again, but opts not to. ]
You're kind of the furthest thing from a robot. Thinking in those metaphors doesn't change that.
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