parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

I didn't know. [He should have. But he could not have, not really.] I haven't known a lot of shit I could maybe have worked out, and it's hurt you every time.

For me, it was just knowing that I would get to be with you at all. [That was what was most precious and valuable: not being alone. Dave wanting his company.]

Edited 2017-02-18 11:30 (UTC)

[ dirk's the heart player. dave's the time player. for all he talks about chronology not mattering so much, or the way he thinks it has the importance people give to it, he gives a lot of importance to anyone promising they'll spend time with him. he doesn't get those promises often, if at all. he doesn't have a solid claim on even rose's time like that. book club meetings are semi-scheduled but they've never been set in stone and so when they're diverted or changed dave doesn't really give a fuck.

it mattered more to him that there was a set irrefutable amount of time that was absolutely his, regardless of whatever happened the rest of the week, in which dirk was 100% going to be there with undivided attention. that wasn't a thing that had ever existed in his childhood or after it and it was a thing he should not have relied upon and should not have wanted to start with. they can't start the movie nights back up because it only took three sessions for dave to feel sick to his stomach when he realized it was about to be valentine's day and tuesdays don't trump holidays or any other obligation ever, and he couldn't let them even if dirk was willing to pretend for five seconds they could. ]

It doesn't really matter. I knew how it was going to go a few days beforehand. I just didn't think I'd have to deal with you sticking around that long instead of instantly ditching? So I wasn't as nice as I would've been if I'd figured out you'd do that.

[ if he'd had time to firmly lock his mask in place, he means, instead of waking up to dirk being way too there. ]

I've already said nice isn't what I'm looking for. [His fingers curl in against the back of Dave's shirt. Uncurl.]

It does matter. [It matters because Dave matters. Dave always matters.]

I'll handle it better next time. [ or he'll make sure there isn't a next time to be handled. same difference.] Sorry.

Also not the thing I'm looking for.

[Not repression, not avoiding it.]

You aren't nothing to me, ever. I'm aware you don't believe it, and that you can't deal with movie nights. And you said, once, the easiest way for you to believe me that I loved you was just me living day to day beside you. Can I... is that a thing I'm allowed?

You can do whatever you want.

[ dave will take what is offered without promises and expectations, this time. ]

I won't stop you either way. I know you love me. [ he just believes in expiration dates and half-measures. ]

[Dirk doesn't think he can respond to that tonight. So he doesn't. He curls his head against Dave's chest and shuts his eyes.]

[ dave will either go to sleep or he'll fake it. it's the same thing either way so. whoops ]

subnautica ic inbox 3.0;

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject