[ that was a completely needed clarification because dave would not have gotten that one. he blinks. ]
Sure? You would have freaked out if I'd pushed the issue. [ and the reason he'd given at the time still stood: he wouldn't have been able to handle it if it'd been a positions reversed scenario. ]
[Hm. Dirk doesn't reply immediately. He is thinking about it.]
I don't know if I'll ever get that, myself. That isn't to say I can't follow the reasoning. It sounds like the sort of training I'd put myself through before I started learning from you. But I still can't get it. When you do things like that, you get this look on your face, and... It's impossible to understand anything that would make him willing to see that face.
The one where you... [He frowns. Rubs at his brow, and then... he imitates it. It's a good imitation: no emotion, no response. A blank mask. (Bro's little soldier.) An expression shut down.] That one. The blank one.
[ wow, dirk, mimicking dave's exact replica of bro's expression on dirk's (bro's) face was maybe not the hottest idea. dave doesn't quite flinch but it's a near fucking thing as he forces himself to smother the impulse.
...
yeah give him a second here to remember that breathing is a thing and he should maybe do it. ]
Oh.
[ a little weak but there we go that was words. he words'ed. ]
[ well, dave snorts? it's still pretty weak but. that's absolutely an expression bro never made (dude only ever made that expression, the blank mask, and dave's not sure how he feels that he has it on lockdown himself). ]
You were not made to make silly faces. [ tiny awkward smiles and weird quirks of his lips maybe, but silly faces look wrong in a ridiculous way on dirk. ]
My silly faces are awesome, fuck you. [He makes another one? It's a silly scared face. It is also terrible, and one hundred percent in the Macaulay Culkin tradition.]
Awesome, because my face is killing me. It's like shouting. I am not equipped for that kind of thing.
[He relaxes back to his default neutral: not expressionless, not for someone who can actually read it, but not over the top. A quiet and muted facial range for a kid who never had anyone to express at, but never anyone to hide from either.]
I, uh, don't know how much I would've. [Dave refers to his smiles. Dirk shrugs here, which is a little weird in a hug but Dave has done it to him often enough.] Mimicking his accent was a deliberate effort that took a lot of practice, which I realize sounds incredibly embarrassing, but even then it didn't stick the way it should for lack of someone using it with me in conversation. Making expressions was harder. I ended up just giving up on it and hoping the coolkid vibe would cover up the Harlow monkey reality.
[ about the accent. does dirk practice in private or use shit dave says that he didn't used to.
does he all y'all now that he's heard dave do it a thousand times. ]
Y'know, the ones I imagine he had to give to the paparazzi. Or the kind you give to gel things along. [ he's not specifically referring to forced smiles so much as the easy-going tools they can be, slid in to grease the wheels and keep things calm. ] You don't do that.
At this point it's happenin' whether I like it or not. [
That one was deliberate though.]
The paparazzi hated him. Most of their pictures had him blurred out from a flashstep with a single clear middle finger left in the frame. He was pretty nice to his fans, but at a certain point during my research, I started to assume he was deliberately trying to make his publicist die of horror.
[It isn't really what Dave is asking, though. Dirk doesn't know if he's sure what Dave is asking.] I guess it wasn't ever really a thing I thought about adding in. I don't know if I can do it.
It's a 'no.' It happens more naturally now. That makes it stick better.
[He doesn't know why Dave's asking that question, but he doesn't mind.]
My vocal cords did. [That hurt them.] I don't regret it now. I did basically immediately then. Raising your voice is considered a negative, generally speaking. [Because it implies violence.] But it doesn't bother you, so it isn't really an issue as long as I only do it with you.
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Thanks again. [He. Will clarify.] For not experimenting on your time healing trick at more extreme levels.
[Kids and scrapes reminded him.]
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Sure? You would have freaked out if I'd pushed the issue. [ and the reason he'd given at the time still stood: he wouldn't have been able to handle it if it'd been a positions reversed scenario. ]
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[Dirk would have had to decide whether or not to beg Dave to use him instead. He thinks he'd end up hating himself either way.]
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[ a puppet or dave strider or what? there's similarities, but they're so fucking different. ]
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[Why breaking your rib cage for science is bad? Because Dirk feels like he mostly got that one.]
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[ it's really fucking jarring that dirk would do everything he could to stop that exact situation. ]
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I don't know if I'll ever get that, myself. That isn't to say I can't follow the reasoning. It sounds like the sort of training I'd put myself through before I started learning from you. But I still can't get it. When you do things like that, you get this look on your face, and... It's impossible to understand anything that would make him willing to see that face.
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What look do I get?
[ he's pretty fucking sure he shuts his expression down (he tries), so what's getting through? ]
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...
yeah give him a second here to remember that breathing is a thing and he should maybe do it. ]
Oh.
[ a little weak but there we go that was words. he words'ed. ]
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In retrospect, a mistake was made.]
That was his expression.
[It's a question that isn't a question. It's a realization.]
Shit. Sorry.
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[ bro's little soldier wasn't far off. he doesn't answer the question that isn't a question because: yeah, duh. ]
It's cool. I'm cool. [ hadn't seen that expression irl in a while but good to know dirk apparently doesn't like seeing it, shit. ]
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I can make a silly face to wash it out. Like. [He tries. He draws out an operatic apologetic face. It looks incredibly stupid and definitely awful.]
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You were not made to make silly faces. [ tiny awkward smiles and weird quirks of his lips maybe, but silly faces look wrong in a ridiculous way on dirk. ]
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[He relaxes back to his default neutral: not expressionless, not for someone who can actually read it, but not over the top. A quiet and muted facial range for a kid who never had anyone to express at, but never anyone to hide from either.]
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[ is that a good thing or what? ]
Paradoxically, I probably didn't help, huh.
[ he pokes the corner of dirk's mouth with a finger. dave, leave your brother alone? ]
Can't imagine p space made me all that much more expressive on the flipside, or a loop wouldn't close, or something.
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[No, Dave has no objections to being poked there. Little lift of the eyebrows there. Gonna give him a dumb finger-pull smile there, Elmer?
There's actually a frown because it takes Dirk a little longer than usual to follow.]
You mean my Bro?
[With the personal pronouns.]
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[ is he wrong, here?
also, no. the poking ceases after a second and dave lets his hand fall again. ]
I've never seen you pull one of my smiles or anythin' else.
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What do you mean by one of your smiles?
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[ about the accent. does dirk practice in private or use shit dave says that he didn't used to.
does he all y'all now that he's heard dave do it a thousand times. ]
Y'know, the ones I imagine he had to give to the paparazzi. Or the kind you give to gel things along. [ he's not specifically referring to forced smiles so much as the easy-going tools they can be, slid in to grease the wheels and keep things calm. ] You don't do that.
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That one was deliberate though.]
The paparazzi hated him. Most of their pictures had him blurred out from a flashstep with a single clear middle finger left in the frame. He was pretty nice to his fans, but at a certain point during my research, I started to assume he was deliberately trying to make his publicist die of horror.
[It isn't really what Dave is asking, though. Dirk doesn't know if he's sure what Dave is asking.] I guess it wasn't ever really a thing I thought about adding in. I don't know if I can do it.
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That wasn't a yes or no.
[ there actually is a real but fleeting tiny smile at the description of the paparazzi antics. oops. ]
There's no reason to bother. Do you regret shoutin' around me?
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[He doesn't know why Dave's asking that question, but he doesn't mind.]
My vocal cords did. [That hurt them.] I don't regret it now. I did basically immediately then. Raising your voice is considered a negative, generally speaking. [Because it implies violence.] But it doesn't bother you, so it isn't really an issue as long as I only do it with you.
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