WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[splinten]

It's a lot more than that. It ain't adrenaline and terror drivin' me now.

[He's scared, sure, but not that way. He breathes, and flips up his wrist.] Pulse is still steady, whether or not you choose to check it.

[parodeity]

No, but like I implied back then - that's why you agreed and that's why I can't trust you. Or one of the reasons. Fuck, this isn't even what we came here for.

[ and he has to curl his fingers in on his palms tight to keep from reaching out. ]

I asked you to guard my back. That's as far as I can go.

[splinten]

I agreed because I care about you.

[Dave doesn't reach out, but Dirk doesn't pull the offer away.]

Okay.

[parodeity]

Still don't know me, dude. Even less at that time. You care about the idea of me, not the...me of me.

[ okay he could have like

Worded that less stupid... ]

[splinten]

It isn't the idea of you. I know you aren't my Bro, Dave. You are an intelligent, carin' dude who values his life too little and the lives of others a lot. You're guarded and distrustin' but you've got a weak spot for kids, especially kids who've been through difficult things. You struggle with how bad you think you are while tryin' to be good, and you hate yourself for being capable of hurtin' other people. You're hilarious and creative in really unique ways and you make me laugh more than anyone ever has.

After not even a week of knowing me, you said that you are pretty sure you could love me if you let yourself. Why wouldn't it be the same for me about you?

[parodeity]

[ "because I'm me" doesn't seem like an answer dirk will accept. ]

You're not hard to make laugh. [ it'd taken dentures, the second time they'd ever talked. ]

[splinten]

You only think that because you are uniquely designed to hit all my humour buttons. I am super not prone to laughing out loud otherwise. 'Lol' is barely in my vocabulary, and not merely because I eschew the acronyms that you've got a hilarious habit of saying out loud.

[parodeity]

Ok, fuck you, lots of people do that?

[ literally two people do that. dave and roxy must be stopped. ]

[splinten]

The only other person who does that is Roxy.

[parodeity]

That isn't how genetics work.

[ ok cool lets drag this argument off topic ALSO he actually does feel like

mildly strong irritation on the new subject

homestuck genetics are dumb ]

[splinten]

We are not how genetics work. [They're terrible slime creatures.] You write a lot like her too, not in terms of handwriting but in your choices for capitalization and shortforms.

[parodeity]

That's not how science works????? [ god!!! but actually: ] Maybe I wouldn't mind havin' a mom.

[splinten]

You'd get on with her really well. She'd, like, spoil the shit out of you I am pretty sure. I think she really genuinely wanted kids.

[parodeity]

You didn't want us. [ is implied there. ]

[splinten]

Well, there were two major problems with me havin' kids, one of which is that I don't think I'm fit to be anyone's father, and the second of which you've kinda implied gettin' and not approvin' of so we'll take a pass on.

[His shoulders shrug.]

I wanted a brother. Rose sounds like the kind of kid I wish I were capable of bringing up. Both of you, really; she sounds great and you are way better than I ever imagined coming from my genetic source code. You managed to turn out to be a really good dude despite the negative influence I had on your life, like, a way better dude than I imagined my Bro to be. Everything you tell me about Rose makes me believe she's amazing too.

[parodeity]

What.

[splinten]

...What to what.

[parodeity]

What are you implyin' I've implied.

[splinten]

[...]

That you don't like that I find women romantically unpalatable in favour of my own gender.

['Don't like' UNDERSTATEMENT Dirk thinks Dave is disgusted by it]

[parodeity]

Why do you...oh. [ yeah that made him uncomfortable but that's - ] You in conjunction with sex makes me uncomfortable fullstop.

[ it just makes him think of the fucking smuppets and porn sites and the webcams he got caught up in sometimes, the puppet vids he was an unwilling participant in. dave can joke about sex and the like but the actual reality is kind of too much and he prefers to think of dirk's orientation not at all so far. ]

Not...genders.

[splinten]

[There's a brief pause as he processes this and turns it over and







oh fuck]

Sorry. Uh.

Fuck what he did. I don't know all the details or if there was anything he ever did to make up for it, but it isn't stuff you put a child through.

So. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I won't... bring that sort of thing up again. I didn't plan on it anyway for—the other reason. But I won't now for this one.

Yeah.

[parodeity]

You didn't bring it up. And you can't stop whatever you're already doin'.

[ right. details. dave hates those, but after doing a review of what he just said based off what dirk just said, he makes himself at least clarify just in case: ]

He didn't touch me like that or anything.

[ just like constant attacks with sex puppets and the enforced puppet snuff porn video participation and constant onslaught of...all that. dave does not clarify his statement any further than that though. ]

[splinten]

Yeah okay good. God. [There's a rush while he says it because he hadn't actually thought that and he winced at the very thought.]

I don't know what the point of this was. That you make me laugh more than anyone, I think.

[parodeity]

I don't know who that'd be for me. Maybe Egbert? Rose makes me smile moreso.

[splinten]

In my universe, John was a comedian. To all reports, he was a really stand-up dude, and hilarious in that kinda charmin' cornball sort of way. Top of the line prankster. Jane takes after him in that respect.