WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[parodeity]

No. When did you decide you don't know how to define yourself, or that you're admitting it?

[splinten]

I don't' know if I get the thrust of this one.

[parodeity]

When you were tryin' to tell me you were arrogant. [ like the day dave went Fuck Off and ignored dirk for like two days ]

[splinten]

You mean the day you told me to fuck off and ignored me going forward. I'm not sure it's a matter of deciding or admitting about not knowing how to define myself. I think I do know how to define myself. It's more that I'd like to aspire to something else.

[parodeity]

You'll eventually wish you'd let me. [ like, just saying. ] I can think of like five scenarios off the top of my head - and no, I'm not listin' them. But I don't know if you really do know how to define yourself.

[splinten]

You're the one who said I'm going to destroy you. That's pretty Prince of Heart to me.

[parodeity]

I'm not what defines you. And that's not...really about you. You're just a person who happens to kind of be standin' off to the side of a ten car pile up in progress. It's not malicious.

[splinten]

Hey, who knows. Maybe Prince is actually a passive class.

[self-depriciating classpect jokes??]

[parodeity]

[ unseen eye roll. he refuses to laugh???? ]

Hard to picture you as anythin' passive.

[splinten]

Hey, you couldn't picture yourself kickin' my ass, and I'm basically 2-0 here.

[parodeity]

You're not passive. I recognize [ he is, a lot of the time when dealing with most people in an easygoing if guarded sort of way ] passivity. You're anxious but there's a difference. You're not...as hyper-aggressive as I expected, but you still lean towards "active", just...you know.

[splinten]

Just also a mess.

[IS WHAT DAVE SEEMS TO BE IMPLYING]

[parodeity]

Not actively malicious about bein' aggressive.

[splinten]

That implies I'm passively malicious in my aggression.

[parodeity]

I don't really count. The circumstances are...weird. You're not malicious in general I don't think. Though you're not as...

[ he has not idea what he wants to say so he trails off. ]

[splinten]

You count. [Dave counts. Dave has value. Dave matters.] What am I not as?

[parodeity]

You're more distant than you could be, with some people, I guess. You're less open, but in a different way.

[splinten]

Uh... I didn't notice. Could you explain? It's sort of self-evident that I haven't been around a lot of people so is that what you mean?

[parodeity]

You're... [ HAND GESTURES. ] You close yourself off in a different way.

[ he is explaining this badly but he's not sure how to put it. it's not like bro, it's not like dave, dirk doesn't really seem that remote to dave except when he is, but it's hard to explain how. ]

You're...it's not on purpose.

[splinten]

What... way? [He doesn't understand. Sorry Dave.]

[parodeity]

I don't think you really know how to connect to people that easily? It's not...like you're closin' yourself off. You're just awkward.

[ .........................

GIVE HIM A MINUTE - ]

Uh. Sorry.

[splinten]

[...Well.]

Okay, that was admittedly pretty blunt, but it also isn't exactly an arguable point. I'm not going to deny that I'm lacking in more than a few social graces necessary to escape the descriptor of 'awkward fuck.'

I'm also not super interested in connecting with people, but I don't think I'm great at it when I do make an effort in that direction.

[parodeity]

I didn't mean it as like...a bad thing. Although I guess it's technically a bad thing? I don't know if what I got is any better, because it ain't like I can't talk to people but I mean, look at what I fuckin' use it for. I lied to Clem the first time we talked alone to get her to tell me what the fuck her role was, while not tellin' her mine. I don't really got trouble talkin' to people but it ain't what it should be. Not like Rose is much better.

[ ANYWAY god why so many words ]

You're not...a wall or a void, you're just...unreadable other ways. I guess.

[splinten]

You have good reasons to be like that. I'm genuinely envious at how well you manage to get on with people, and how you don't seem to need to tear yourself open to do it.

[Dirk isn't upset, at least. He will own up to his awkwardness, and it doesn't hurt him the way some things do. He wishes he was better but it's not one of his top failings to feel self-loathing over.

Mostly, he's just worried about Dave.]

It isn't intentional, but there aren't too many people I'd especially want to be readable to. But you're one of those people, probably the most, so I don't mind if you want to ask me to navigate my ocean of awkwardness and try to give you something comprehensible to work it.

[parodeity]

I...it's not that hard for me in particular to read you, I just...

[ don't believe it? ]

Maybe it'd be easier if you were.