WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[splinten]

What do I do or say? [He doesn't understand, and he's honest about it, pours it out:] I'm not lying. I'm not... being insincere, or half-assed, I'm not trying to trick you into relying on me or trickin' myself into thinking you can. I genuinely believe I can be here for you. I genuinely want it. I don't know how I'm managin' to remind you of somethin' that isn't true, or at least not true to how I feel.

I don't understand what's happening, but I want to.

[parodeity]

Probably more than I see and hear. But - [ but he sees and hears enough to draw back. ] It's not...your fault.

[splinten]

What is it? If it isn't really my fault.

[parodeity]

...Mine, probably.

[splinten]

Dave. [He's quiet, but adamant.] What am I doing that makes you think you can't trust me? I'm not being insincere, I'm not lyin' to myself. Whoever's fault it is, what do I do?

[parodeity]

You're just...yourself. You just make me believe that the next adrenaline-fueled decision you make will be one that fucks me over. And that's fine, maybe, as long as the girls get out of it free.

[splinten]

It isn't like that. [His voice is quieter still.] I was willin' to steal Jake's weapon from him for this. Not on an adrenaline high, not because of immediate danger. In the cold sober light of this day I was going to leave him unarmed without letting him known just because I'm on your team.

[parodeity]

That's...the only point I started to buy it, earlier. [ but: ] But it's only ever a little while before I don't again. I spent most of the trial waitin' for you to change your damn mind.

[splinten]

[He stares at him in confusion.] About what? What in the trial would make me change my mind?

[parodeity]

That's...just, things.

[ ok, dave. ]

Look. It ain't relevant until it happens, okay?

[splinten]

It's pretty clearly relevant before it happens, because you insistence that it will happen means there's an extra wall made out of the same thing Captain America's shield is.

Is it Jake?

[parodeity]

Vibranium.

[splinten]

I know it's Vibranium. Is it Jake? [He's quiet still but his jaw is tight, his spine tense.] Do you want me to... abandon him? Just, not even—do you want me to stop havin' anything to do with him? [He flips up his shades, and he is in so much pain but he is so, so sincere.] I'll do it if that's what you tell me to do. It'd be like cutting off both my arms, but I'd do it. That's the loyalty I offered you. That's the loyalty you've been given.

Is that what you want?

[parodeity]

Technically it's a Vibranium steel alloy, I think.

[ "so this egg looking thing"
"it's not an egg!!!!"
"so anyway the eggy thing"

maybe not the point but that's what he has just decided to latch onto. ]

What I want is Rose. [ he picks at random. there's a thousand things he wants - although maybe rose isn't random because that's been a constant desire, not even background noise but always present and too-loud. ]

[splinten]

I'm not Rose, and I know that. And Cap's used several different shields of varying composition and design.

[Dirk why.

The shades don't come back down, and the line of pain isn't out of his body. He speaks steadily, though.]

Do you want the logic? Logically, it's going to benefit me most to stay loyal to you no matter what. The stakes are highest there; there's more to be lost. If I hurt Jake, if I betray him, I'll upset him and that will hurt me but I won't lose him. I've already done the worst to him I could do and he's still willin' to be my best friend. So he'll come back to me, and I can clean up the pieces.

If I betray you, you're gone and I can't do anything to get you back. You don't have any reason to stick with me. The only logical decision is to pick you, the person I will lose if not chosen, instead of the person I won't lose no matter what. Even if you die, it holds, because whatever afterlife is operating here, the stakes will be the same and the structures will play out identically.

Rational and emotional arguments both mean that I pick you. That isn't an adrenaline fuelled decision. It's the only choice that makes sense, and it's the only choice that feels right. So it's the choice I'm going to stay with. You get my loyalty.

[parodeity]

[















... ]

Rank 'em in order of your favorites. [ the several different shields. obviously. ]

[splinten]

Smithsonian, 1979 television, Silver Age standard, first shield, second circle design, Avengers Academy.

[parodeity]

[ he still looks majorly withdrawn about whatever it was dirk just said that yet again made him go "no", but then dave frowns mostly in confusion. ]

...Rank 'em in order of your favorites without anythin' post 2009.

[ what the fuck is avengers academy ]

[splinten]

...Same list without the Avengers Academy one.

[parodeity]

[ he tugs his hand back and crosses his arms. ]

1979s should be first. [ dave looks at the ground, still frowning. ]

[splinten]

The Smithsonian's pretty cool.

[Dirk has deflated, though, and the pain is now just bound up in him. Choking him. He thinks, very much, that he'd like to die. What's the point? Only his promise to Jake to stay alive keeps him going because what does it matter if he keeps a promise to Dave when Dave will never want him?

What does it matter?

He swallows, and holds it in.]

What did I do wrong?

[parodeity]

It's not as ridiculous.

[ dave didn't tell him to rank them based on ridiculous levels. ]

You didn't. It's still just me. [ and the reminders dirk doesn't even mean to give that feel like warnings. ] Do you want to know a secret?

[splinten]

I think it's more ridiculous.

[Okay but Dirk kinda did rank with ridiculousness in mind because Striders.

Anyway he glances over at the pool, not pulling his shades down yet. He is controlling his breathing with a combatant's expertise.]

Sure. Yeah, I'd like to know.

[parodeity]

It's not as cheesy.

[ SO 1979S WINS?

he opens his mouth, pauses, and then lets it shut with a frown. after a second, he says: ]

Everythin' that comes to mind is mostly morbid. I'm tryin' to think if I have any secrets that don't suck.

[splinten]

That makes two of us.