WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[parodeity]

I don't understand why you'd want that.

[splinten]

I value you.

[parodeity]

I - [ and why were you going to say it back immediately on automatic, mouth? there's a startled stumble before he swerves into: ] think you need to value yourself, too, though. In order to survive.

[splinten]

I could say the same to you, Dave. [He isn't sure if he values himself less than Dave does but he doesn't think there's a huge difference.]

im tagging this every 7 people i process.

[parodeity]

The point is, bein' unfair to you would make you less capable of survivin'.

[splinten]

My survival isn't really something that you're planning for. It's something I've promised to work on, but it isn't something either of us expect. There are three people you are aiming to get out of this alive, and I'm not one of them.

[parodeity]

If I have to pick, yeah, the girls get out. But I don't want to resign myself to a three-person endgame.

[splinten]

Neither do I.

[parodeity]

I'm not...not plannin' for your survival.

[splinten]

I know you aren't plannin' to get me killed. You've already made it clear that if I let myself die after you're gone, you won't talk to me even in the afterlife.

[It's a pretty bad threat, though, when Dave isn't talking to Dirk anyway. The conversations Dirk has against himself aren't easy to win.]

[parodeity]

I...

[ "am so bad at this" wouldn't be encouraging, even if it were true. ]

...part of the reason I kept tellin' you to fuck off was because it'd be easier for you.

[splinten]

I think I've already made it self-evident that self-preservation isn't a priority, or that at least I don't consider certain kinds of life worth living.

I've made a promise, so I'll do my best to live that life even if I don't see any real reason to bother being alive. I won't go back on that and it isn't really a concern. I just mean that we probably have roughly the same amount of value for our own lives and our personal well-beings, and any difference probably doesn't amount to much.

[parodeity]

What promise? To back me up? Because - [ ngh how to even say words ] - I don't know if it's true we have the same amount of value or ourselves. My life at least does have a purpose.

[ 2 throw it away for everyone else, that is. ]

[splinten]

To throw it away for other people. [He knows.] Do you think I'm alive for myself? You kinda implied you'd hate me if I stopped trying to live after you died.

[parodeity]

I didn't figure you were alive for me. More for [ gestures ] the questions you've asked him.

[ craftly. ]

[splinten]

...I'm not followin'.

[parodeity]

If we die back home, or if we don't, or like...incentives. That kind of thing.

[ maybe rose's mom and john's grandma and whoever else they lost. ]

Not that I think that's really worth thinkin' about.

[splinten]

[As a matter of fact.]

You misinterpreted the questions I asked Craftly. The end result of those is that I realized I have no reason to stay alive for any of it. We'll be spat back into our timelines no matter what happens, so what's the point in stayin' alive to suffer? Given that the timeline rules hold, what's the point of fighting for incentives when our timeline's a dead-end and there's going to be another one where everyone does live? This stupid game won't give me anything I want, and quitting now won't lose me anything. The game is rigged, and there ain't an ounce of justice in it.

There isn't any reason for me to stay alive for any of this. It's just going to be pain and sufferin' and misery until I either die fast or slowly, or the whole thing breaks, and I'm not exactly favourin' my chances if we break it either. I have nothin' to gain in stayin' alive within this game's framework, but I do have a lot to lose.

So the reason I haven't saved myself the trouble of all this shit didn't come from the questions I asked Craftly.

[parodeity]

There's always a reason.

[ to keep going when the timeline goes defunct. it's a pointless hopeless battle and it's always only for the chance of something better somewhere else, but it's a pointless hopeless battle dave has to take up every time. ]

Do you...want me to kill you?

[splinten]

No.

[It's quick, horrified.]

Holy fuck, dude. I wouldn't want to put that on you.






[the irony gods chortle]

[parodeity]

[ i stg dirk ]

Do you want me to just...not hold you to anythin' you agreed to?

[splinten]

I'm not askin' you to let me die, dude. I'm explaining that the reason I'm alive aren't the reasons you thought they were.

You did kinda nix my plan to die for someone else's sake though. [He shrugs.] I thought it'd be nice to land Heroic instead of Just, or just Pathetic.

[parodeity]

People kinda hate that. [ he says, like he doesn't plan to do it. like he didn't do it in the timeline that ended, even though he doesn't know it (can assume it). ]

So...what. Just because I told you it was dumb?

[splinten]

You're plannin' on doing it.

[He says that with confidence because he can tell. Reset Button.]

Not just because. The first plan was to stick around as long as I could for Jake, and then find a way to make use of my death when he was gone. When I saw you were here, I decided to try to live at least as long as you did to support you. Then, when you and Jake were gone, I could leave the playin' field peacefully on my own terms.

I can't, now. You implied it would be betrayin' you. That it'd mean the rest of my afterlife with you never talkin' to me again. That's... I can't do that. I can't betray you. I can't lose you for good in this life and whatever idiot place we go after.

So I'll live as long as I can. I can't let myself just die if that would be a betrayal.

[parodeity]

Dude. I'm essentially betrayin' you every second of every day with...this.

[ GESTURES AT THE SITUATION, LIKE THAT MAKES SENSE. ]