WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[parodeity]

You're not. Not like you think.

[ it has pretty much always been too late to save dave strider since he landed in texas on a meteor. it was too late when he woke up here and things lined up just so and even right now with someone reaching out he feels nothing but absolutely alone.

he lets his fingers curl further. ]

...I need the help. But it's not my choice to make.

[splinten]

I will do everything I can to help you. But I can't do anything if you don't really let me.

[Dave didn't tell him to leave. Dirk knows he has failed, but he also knows that he operates on different principles than Jake English. He can't rely on hope, he has always been hopeless. It is only a matter of necessity.]

Sorry doesn't cut it, but I'm sorry I ruined you anyway. I'm pretty sure I can't undo the damage I've done.

I won't abandon you as long as you choose to have me stay.

[parodeity]

How do you need me to let you?

[ he doesn't say you didn't ruin me because it's the kind of blatant lie that won't be believed. he doesn't tell dirk if there is or isn't a way to fix him, because dave was honest a few times: he doesn't believe dirk is capable of doing anything that would help. accepting dirk's hand the first time, when he'd caved and said fine when dirk swore his loyalty had always already been a sort of ending.

because every second after that was only a reminder that it would end and end and end. it was always just a matter of when. dave's never been so precious as even some felt and cotton. ]

[splinten]

[Almost amused, but in the worst kind of way.] Wrong question, kiddo. ["How do you need me to let you" puts the focus back on this narcissistic, arrogant asshole.] Is there anything at all that would help? Even a fraction. Anything.

[parodeity]

Don't call me that, asshole. [ automatic. not exactly snappish or angry or irritated so much as "what the fuck, you're two years older, max" even though he uses the term on emily all the time. ] Help with what? The plan?

[splinten]

Whatever you want my help on.

[He wants to get Dave out of his apartment but he doesn't think he can. He'll help there if he can.

If he can't, he'll get Dave out of this hell and then let him go.]

[parodeity]

...I broke this permanently, didn't I.

[ and there's no lie that can save it. it's an unwelcome but not unsurprising revelation, and one he'd warned dirk about from the start.

there's a whisper inside that says you're why bro was what he was because shit, he sure did do this. dave doesn't vocalize it. ]

Guard my back. Is still the plan.

[ he tugs to see if he can get his hand back and though he didn't put his shades back on something in his eyes shutters as dave gives up on feeling feelings for the next few hours, or days, or weeks. get everyone out, allow himself to register the break, and hopefully just end, the finality of death that every doomed dave is promised.

it's enough of a plan to go on. ]

[splinten]

No, you didn't. [He lets Dave's hand go, but not his eyes.] I did what you warned me I'd do. I'm going to stay here and try to help you as long as you'll have me, because for some stupid reason I'm still arrogant enough to think I can I can.

[No: that isn't true. He doesn't really believe he can. But he believes he has to.

He has let Dave's hand go, but he hesitates, and then touches his arm, close to the wrist.]

When I was a kid, I built robots to attack me. It's how I trained, since there wasn't anyone else around, and you can only learn so much battlin' sea monsters. I programmed them to stalk and surprise me, and I set them to kill.

I knew my Bro wouldn't have wanted me to do it, but I kept doing it because I wanted to break myself becoming good enough to deserve the legacy he left me. I'd have been dead in the water, entirely literally, if it weren't for what he had prepared to keep me alive. I wanted to deserve it and I didn't get how badly I fucked myself making sure it happened. I didn't believe I was getting any better if I didn't break or bleed or hurt. That wasn't on him, though. It was my own fucked up personality turning on itself. The responsibility wasn't his.

The responsibility here isn't yours. You're the one who has been hurt.

[parodeity]

It isn't yours, either. You've been hurt, too.

[ by me, he doesn't add, because it's obvious. because dirk said dave didn't break this, but he did. it is everything he never wanted to do to any of his friends, and every reason he never told them anything.

he could have done this differently. he could have played off the first meeting calm and waiting, and he could never have let on to how many pieces his heart has always been in.

it's too late to make that lie a reality. but dirk doesn't really need to be aware of the settling numbness and the patient wait for the end to come, when all dave's tasks are finally done. maybe in eternity after life he'll just lock himself away somewhere alone, or maybe he'll find a rose who won't be his but won't mind the company.

maybe he can get lord english to kill his ghost, too, along with all the obnoxious teenage trolls. ]

You're still just a kid. [ it's something he can recognize even at a distance, through fog. ] You always have been.

[splinten]

So are you.

[He's a little incredulous, a little too exhausted to be that.]

You have no idea how you're keepin' me alive right now, do you?

[parodeity]

I don't think I'm as main a factor as all that.

[ veering conversationally: ]

It wasn't just about wanting to deserve something, was it?

[splinten]

You are, even if you don't believe it.

...The training? [Dave stop taking u-turns??]

[parodeity]

You would've been better off without me here.

[ it's not a statement that hurts, because hurt is a thing that isn't happening right now, so he continues with his other topic, implacable and calm: ]

It wasn't about bleedin' to prove you deserved somethin' or whatever, was it? Or whatever grandiose explanation you're tryin' to say it was, always. That isn't the full truth, is it? Sometimes it was probably just to feel a thing, even if it was a really stupid thing. Or to try to stop feelin' them.

[splinten]

I'd die within two days of Jake's death without you.

[It's true.]

...Yeah. Sometimes. Human motivations are pretty complicated things. I've spent a long time trying to pick apart and fully understand mine.

[parodeity]

That might have been better off for you.

[ but it's too late for that. they're locked into whatever this is and dave can't shut the door entirely until he's dead, and then he never has to think about any of it ever again. he can find a corner and sit down and just not care to his heart's content, and then he can end. he imagines dirk will maybe figure something out that isn't just dying after death for himself. maybe dirk will meet rose someday.

rose would probably like that. ]

You're too much your aspect.

[splinten]

...One, do not want to hear that from the Time player who called himself a reset button. [FIRST OF ALL.] Two, Heart is about the soul, not emotions. [Everyone always calls him over emotional as a Heart player and he has NOT.]

[parodeity]

I'm not sure the soul and emotions are so disconnected as you'd like to imply they are. And my thing is literally a game mechanic. That's what time players are for. Our planets are huge reset buttons, too.

[splinten]

I'm for destroying myself and others, which is a also a game mechanic. I literally halfway yanked out a spiderbitch's soul.

[This argument is... stupid? He is focusing on the wrong part.]

[parodeity]

A thing you tried to do isn't the same as bein' a thing you were made for.

[ ???? isn't the spider troll dead. ]

[splinten]

I'm reasonably confident that yankin' out and wreckin' people's souls is the only thing my God Tier ever gave me. My aspect sure as fuck didn't give me anything but the obnoxious ability to operate my wakin' and dreamin' body as well.

[parodeity]

Did you ever try to do anythin' else with it.

[splinten]

You're implying I didn't think of enough creative applications for 'Destroyer of Souls.'

[parodeity]

...I don't know that it actually matters. [ he's not really engaging in the topic that much anyway. ] You won't buy whatever I say, nor should you, and it ain't like either of us knows enough about the other's aspect to bother givin' a good argument.

[splinten]

[Ah. He quiets.]

I'll listen to you.

[parodeity]

I don't really have that many thoughts on the topic to start with.