WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[parodeity]

[ like, duh, but ]

Why d'you say that?

[splinten]

Because I don't want to see you break, first of all. And because I think breaking is counterproductive for your actual goals here.

[parodeity]

No, like, why the fuck d'you think I'm gonna break.

[splinten]

You mean aside from because you obviously are?

[parodeity]

...No I'm not. Why do you think I am??

[ why are they still having this conversation @ striders ]

[splinten]

Dude, you're trying to act like a person you hate to carry an impossible burden. In what universe does that not break a person?

[parodeity]

I'm not tryin', is the thing.

[splinten]

You mean you just are, or are succeeding.

[parodeity]

I mean this is all me. I mean, you're not the one who's most like him.

[splinten]

You just said that you have experience manipulatin' time loops at best, and only kinda your friends. I'll buy that lying and evading the truth are natural for you to pick up. I won't believe that you genuinely believe you can become a person who is so untouchable to you that you can't even imagine kicking the ass of a teenaged version of him.

[parodeity]

I didn't say I was. I'm...

[ ... ]

I'm hurtin' people for what I think is the best way to go about shit. I'm lyin' and I'm...you know.

[splinten]

...Not totally sure I do know.

[parodeity]

I'm hurtin' people.

[ that is the main thing that makes him like bro. ]

[splinten]

[He's quiet, for a moment. Not rejecting it out of hand. Trying, in his way, to figure out how it's best to answer this.]

Yeah. You are. That's what I think will mean you break.

[parodeity]

I...don't think I can stop. [ or he can, but: ] You keep not lettin' me.

[splinten]

[Ah.]

Because I won't let you cut me out?

[parodeity]

I know how to hold people back. [ that's familiar, he can do that. ] I'm not so great at...this. Not with people who aren't the others, not genuine.

[splinten]

...Neither am I.

I'm okay with gettin' a little hurt tryin' to figure out somethin' that works for us. I have gotten the impression, on and off, that you don't want anything. Or rather, you want something between us, but you refuse to have it because you can't trust it. So you want nothing.

[parodeity]

[ that would be accurate??? ]

It'd be better for you in the long run if you had...whatever else you can have? Rather than... [ ... ] You mess me up, and it ain't your fault, but I can't...stop that.

[splinten]

I'm pretty sure you just pointed out that I don't do a great job connecting to people.

[That won't get him far. His choices are limited here. He'll never be able to find a reason to live in anyone but Dave and Jake and he knows it.]

I asked for too much from you way too fast. It isn't how I wanted to do it. I liked... like when we shared music. I had decided that we'd get to know each other, and every step would be built on the last.

That isn't how it panned out.

[parodeity]

That's not really your fault. And it's not...like that's entirely true. You're just...kind of playin' against a stacked deck. In the dark. Over lava?

[ he liked the music, too. he doesn't say so. ]

Which is why you should've chosen not to. And why I know it's gonna be too much, eventually, and you'll realize it. And I can't even stop myself seein' the signs, or from bein'...too much. I was supposed to have...more time. Two years didn't sound like enough but there was supposed to be more time.

[splinten]

I can handle lava, and darkness and shitty stacked decks.

[He closes his eyes.]

I'm sorry you didn't. I'm not sorry I took the offer, but I'm sorry I didn't ... Well, I'm sorry I'm not what I needed to be.

[parodeity]

How could you be, when not even I know what the fuck that is.

[splinten]

[He shrugs, his eyes opening again.]

You aren't hurtin' me on purpose either, Dave. You don't want to hurt me.

[parodeity]

Maybe not, but I can't...not. I am unwillin' to ask you for the shit that might make me trust you. And I can't treat you how you want.