WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[parodeity]

Of course it does! With way too many people to count, but you're gettin' the worst of it.

[splinten]

Why? [He is quiet and thoughtful.] I don't exactly agree, based on what I've seen, but that isn't the point. Why do you feel like you have to be your Bro here, with all these people?

[parodeity]

I don't... [ look ] It's not...exactly.

[ ajwtka;lgk;arkr is an accurate mental assessment right now ]

Because the truth ain't safe. Because mindgames are actually necessary and I don't know how the fuck else to do 'em but make people believe shit that ain't true and keep the things that matter most locked down so they can't find 'em and burn 'em. Because Ems wanted to literally draw up what the dead said to her and put it on the fridge for everyone to see, and Clem told me her role straight up, and Vi didn't blink to do the same, and you did, too.

Because there are people who set me on edge but no one else really minds.

[splinten]

In other words, you're doing it to protect people. Us, even. You have to be cautious and careful and manipulative enough to make up for everyone else.

[parodeity]

But I can't be. I'm not Rose, all I got is experience manipulatin' time loops and...

[ ...well, and. ]

...my best friends, for years. [ that wasn't exactly manipulation, though. ] That was mostly just...creative interpretation of the facts, though.

[splinten]

That doesn't exactly count the same way.

[He can guess what it is. he is pretty sure he knows more about Bro than most do for very specific reasons.]

If you keep going this way, you'll break.

[parodeity]

[ like, duh, but ]

Why d'you say that?

[splinten]

Because I don't want to see you break, first of all. And because I think breaking is counterproductive for your actual goals here.

[parodeity]

No, like, why the fuck d'you think I'm gonna break.

[splinten]

You mean aside from because you obviously are?

[parodeity]

...No I'm not. Why do you think I am??

[ why are they still having this conversation @ striders ]

[splinten]

Dude, you're trying to act like a person you hate to carry an impossible burden. In what universe does that not break a person?

[parodeity]

I'm not tryin', is the thing.

[splinten]

You mean you just are, or are succeeding.

[parodeity]

I mean this is all me. I mean, you're not the one who's most like him.

[splinten]

You just said that you have experience manipulatin' time loops at best, and only kinda your friends. I'll buy that lying and evading the truth are natural for you to pick up. I won't believe that you genuinely believe you can become a person who is so untouchable to you that you can't even imagine kicking the ass of a teenaged version of him.

[parodeity]

I didn't say I was. I'm...

[ ... ]

I'm hurtin' people for what I think is the best way to go about shit. I'm lyin' and I'm...you know.

[splinten]

...Not totally sure I do know.

[parodeity]

I'm hurtin' people.

[ that is the main thing that makes him like bro. ]

[splinten]

[He's quiet, for a moment. Not rejecting it out of hand. Trying, in his way, to figure out how it's best to answer this.]

Yeah. You are. That's what I think will mean you break.

[parodeity]

I...don't think I can stop. [ or he can, but: ] You keep not lettin' me.

[splinten]

[Ah.]

Because I won't let you cut me out?

[parodeity]

I know how to hold people back. [ that's familiar, he can do that. ] I'm not so great at...this. Not with people who aren't the others, not genuine.

[splinten]

...Neither am I.

I'm okay with gettin' a little hurt tryin' to figure out somethin' that works for us. I have gotten the impression, on and off, that you don't want anything. Or rather, you want something between us, but you refuse to have it because you can't trust it. So you want nothing.

[parodeity]

[ that would be accurate??? ]

It'd be better for you in the long run if you had...whatever else you can have? Rather than... [ ... ] You mess me up, and it ain't your fault, but I can't...stop that.