WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[splinten]

[Ow.]

...They wouldn't deserve that position. You don't.

[parodeity]

A year ago, I would've happily done it. [ or maybe not happily. maybe that part would have been forced. but all the same. ] You're just a year too late.

[splinten]

I don't see it that way. [He reaches out to Dave again, and this time, he takes his hand.] Our time's mismatched, but... I wouldn't want to take advantage of what he did. It isn't the kind of relationship I'd want to build with you.

[parodeity]

[ he'll have to pry dave's fingers open. he was letting them dig in enough to break skin. ] I don't know if we can build anythin' either of us would want, here.

[splinten]

[Dirk frowns, looking at that palm.] Dave. Shit. [You broke skin???]

[parodeity]

[ he Really didn't want to reach out? do not check the other palm. ] It's not a big deal.

[splinten]

Yeah, it is. The other hand's like this too? [Fuck.] I'm sorry, Dave.

[parodeity]

No. [ YES IT IS??????? ] It's not like you did it.

[splinten]

[he's pretty sure it is] It happened because of me.

[Gently, he releases Dave's hand.]

You can tell me to stop when I'm hurting you.

[parodeity]

It wasn't 'cause of you. You didn't touch me.

[ it was, clearly, because of dave. ]

[splinten]

So this would've happened if I hadn't done... whatever. [He's not sure.] Offered my pulse?

[parodeity]

Yes. It's a habit. [ ??????????????? he lies about this with a completely straight face and even tone. it was 100% because he wanted to reach out too much and wasn't allowing himself to do so. ]

[splinten]

[Dave is a really good liar and Dirk should, in theory, believe him. Except he doesn't. Is it Dirk's self-loathing that wins out? Maybe. Or maybe he is just got a sense of bullshit.]

Yeah, you are one hell of a good liar but I'm not buyin' this one. Shit.

[parodeity]

[ the fact dave keeps choosing to flawlessly lie about the most blatantly false bullshit to dirk probably does not help his credibility, does it. ]

My nervous habits are not your fault??? [ CONTINUES LYING, ANYWAY, ]

[splinten]

[Not really.]

We can argue that one in a roundabout way.

[parodeity]

You are completely invalidatin' my right to nervous habits.

[ do you wanna go ]

[splinten]

You know perfectly well that I'm not. I am worried that I hurt you, have reasons to believe you're lying to me, and want to figure out how to not hurt you again.

[parodeity]

[ hrrrg. honesty. why the fuck does dirk have it. ]

I just... [ ... ] Can't let myself rely on you like that.

[splinten]

Because you think you'll lose it. [That's what he's getting here.] How can I show you that you won't?

[parodeity]

Or you...won't be around to give it to me. That's a possibility even if you don't die. It's better to only rely on yourself for comfort or whatever.

[ this is not even his opinion for anyone who isn't him tho... ]

...I don't know. Sometimes I almost believe you, but then you do or say somethin' and I remember I can't.

[splinten]

What do I do or say? [He doesn't understand, and he's honest about it, pours it out:] I'm not lying. I'm not... being insincere, or half-assed, I'm not trying to trick you into relying on me or trickin' myself into thinking you can. I genuinely believe I can be here for you. I genuinely want it. I don't know how I'm managin' to remind you of somethin' that isn't true, or at least not true to how I feel.

I don't understand what's happening, but I want to.

[parodeity]

Probably more than I see and hear. But - [ but he sees and hears enough to draw back. ] It's not...your fault.

[splinten]

What is it? If it isn't really my fault.

[parodeity]

...Mine, probably.

[splinten]

Dave. [He's quiet, but adamant.] What am I doing that makes you think you can't trust me? I'm not being insincere, I'm not lyin' to myself. Whoever's fault it is, what do I do?