WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[parodeity]

You're... [ HAND GESTURES. ] You close yourself off in a different way.

[ he is explaining this badly but he's not sure how to put it. it's not like bro, it's not like dave, dirk doesn't really seem that remote to dave except when he is, but it's hard to explain how. ]

You're...it's not on purpose.

[splinten]

What... way? [He doesn't understand. Sorry Dave.]

[parodeity]

I don't think you really know how to connect to people that easily? It's not...like you're closin' yourself off. You're just awkward.

[ .........................

GIVE HIM A MINUTE - ]

Uh. Sorry.

[splinten]

[...Well.]

Okay, that was admittedly pretty blunt, but it also isn't exactly an arguable point. I'm not going to deny that I'm lacking in more than a few social graces necessary to escape the descriptor of 'awkward fuck.'

I'm also not super interested in connecting with people, but I don't think I'm great at it when I do make an effort in that direction.

[parodeity]

I didn't mean it as like...a bad thing. Although I guess it's technically a bad thing? I don't know if what I got is any better, because it ain't like I can't talk to people but I mean, look at what I fuckin' use it for. I lied to Clem the first time we talked alone to get her to tell me what the fuck her role was, while not tellin' her mine. I don't really got trouble talkin' to people but it ain't what it should be. Not like Rose is much better.

[ ANYWAY god why so many words ]

You're not...a wall or a void, you're just...unreadable other ways. I guess.

[splinten]

You have good reasons to be like that. I'm genuinely envious at how well you manage to get on with people, and how you don't seem to need to tear yourself open to do it.

[Dirk isn't upset, at least. He will own up to his awkwardness, and it doesn't hurt him the way some things do. He wishes he was better but it's not one of his top failings to feel self-loathing over.

Mostly, he's just worried about Dave.]

It isn't intentional, but there aren't too many people I'd especially want to be readable to. But you're one of those people, probably the most, so I don't mind if you want to ask me to navigate my ocean of awkwardness and try to give you something comprehensible to work it.

[parodeity]

I...it's not that hard for me in particular to read you, I just...

[ don't believe it? ]

Maybe it'd be easier if you were.

[splinten]

If I were more like your Bro.

[parodeity]

Not really what I meant. I mean - I guess kinda what I meant, but not...the way you mean I meant it.

[splinten]

It might've been the way you meant it.

[parodeity]

I mean if I couldn't read you, maybe I'd trust you more.

[ that makes sense. ]

[splinten]

...Because that makes sense.

[parodeity]

It's the shit I can read that indicates I can't rely on trustin' you forever.

[splinten]

Like what?

[parodeity]

Just...who you are as a person. Not a bad person, but...your levers and how you tick. It's functionally incompatible with me relyin' on you.

[splinten]

[A pause.]

Because you think I'll tick in the other direction.

[parodeity]

Maybe that's part of it, but I don't think you're... [ he does the struggling for words again thing, shrugs, and gives it up. ] ...like I've said. Like I said a few times, I mean, just - you didn't make this decision, like...from a logical standpoint rather than an entirely different place. You can't really trust shit people decide to do when it's based off of...the heat of the moment. That changes.

[splinten]

Loyalty to you is more logical, dude. I didn't think that needed explaining. And the heat of the moment shows a lot of what a person values.

[parodeity]

Yeah, it does. [ this is said mostly with a frown, though. ] But only in any given moment. The only thing I've learned in the past year besides, like, how to build can town homes? The choices and decisions you make in an instant aren't always even the shit you actually wanna do. And when you actually think about things, or...whatever, sometimes the entire world shifts.

[splinten]

[Quietly.] I was making that choice slowly, over the whole time we've known each other. And I don't—[He breaks off.] You said you won't even talk to me in the afterlife. I can't betray you.

[parodeity]

You can. There's like a thousand million dead daves floatin' around the afterlife. And they ain't gonna uphold my decisions. Includin' probably the one most contemporaneous to you.

[splinten]

I didn't make a deal with them.

[parodeity]

Most of 'em wouldn't make you. The vast majority of dead daves are thirteen. They'd listen to whatever you wanted.

[splinten]

[Ow.]

...They wouldn't deserve that position. You don't.

[parodeity]

A year ago, I would've happily done it. [ or maybe not happily. maybe that part would have been forced. but all the same. ] You're just a year too late.