WEEK ONE: SUNDAY, POST GROUP MEETING

[parodeity]

[ well, after That Meeting was over, dave would have hooked a hand on dirk's arm, said "a'ight, come with me" and dragged him off to an area where they can maybe be alone and have enough room for...whatever...the hell he dragged dirk off for.

dirk gets a measured look before dave crosses his arms - dropping dirk's - and says: ]

Ground rules for comin' with me into dangerous shit: you guard the rear, I'm on point. Solid?

[ before dirk can answer, he adds: ]

You're less familiar with weapons that ain't the damn katana. I'm more familiar with 'em. So, point's me. [ he's tense and hesitant when he continues with: ] ...And you guard my back. [ he's usually more than a little wary about having dirk at his back, so this is. probably progress? ]

Comments

[splinten]

In my universe, John was a comedian. To all reports, he was a really stand-up dude, and hilarious in that kinda charmin' cornball sort of way. Top of the line prankster. Jane takes after him in that respect.

[parodeity]

He's the best guy I know. Kind of a dumbass and way too genuine. He doesn't do fronts and he doesn't lie or fake shit about how he feels or what he thinks. Unless he's pullin' shit, but like.

[ he trails off. ]

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

[splinten]

I asked you.

[So, that's part of it, probably.]

[parodeity]

It might be better if I stopped answerin' though.

[splinten]

[Dirk doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to approach it. He's sixteen and a mess and somewhere else he was thirty-something and a monster. Maybe he's a monster too, because he won't let Dave alone. Maybe he should.]

Please don't. You're too much what I wanted too, and more than that. I can't throw that away.

[parodeity]

I can't promise you, though. I can't promise I'll...feel like that about you ever. I can't promise I'll stop...stoppin' myself, whenever I'm reminded how close this is to topplin'.

[ and like. ]

And that's stupid unfair.

[splinten]

I know you can't promise that.

[It hurts and it's sad and he wants so badly to have Dave as a brother, to have his love and his trust and to feel close, to be family with him. But he knows.]

Whether or not it's fair, it isn't on you. If I'm too much what you want and too capable of destroyin' you, then that's because of your Bro. [Because of Dirk, in another life.] It's okay that you feel that way, and that you can't promise it. It'd be unfair of me to demand you throw away thirteen years and change of that experience.

[parodeity]

Then why? Why are you still...I know you won't whenever you freak about things goin' down, but right now, why are you still here?

[splinten]

I tried to let you shut me out. It wasn't something I could accept or handle, and not because of Jason's death. All that did was made immediate what my multi-day depressive fugue had already proven.

Like I said, you're too much, too.

[parodeity]

But that can happen in reverse. [ or like... ] I just...I have tried to save you the trouble, too.

[splinten]

I know. I sort of figure you were tryin' to protect me, too.

[parodeity]

You don't actually deserve...me? A mess. I know I kinda win the like, fucked up disappointment award. You don't deserve that.

[splinten]

I'm pretty sure we have opposite perspectives on why I don't deserve you. From my point of view, I'm the fucked up disappointment and you deserve somethin' better. You're more than I could ever deserve, and I'm just the kind of selfish asshole that wants you anyway.

[parodeity]

You're not a disappointment. You're just...you.

[splinten]

[A little wryly] I could say the same thing, and you'd probably have the same answer. As far as I'm concerned, I'm subpar at best, and you're the definition of Exceeds Expectations.

[parodeity]

I don't get you. [ super wryly ] I've spent a week bein' a pain in your ass and failin' to believe anything you say.

[splinten]

First of all, you've spent a week giving me the time of day when you have every reason not to. That includes givin' me, a version of the guy who trapped you in your apartment, the comfort and offer to help me out of the place I got stuck. As far as your treatment of me goes, it's all been better than I deserve and more than I'm owed.

In general, though, you're just... a good person. Like, all around a great dude, the kind I'd want to know no matter what. I'm not denyin' that you have flaws, and things are pretty obviously messed up between us. That doesn't change that the person you've shown yourself to be is someone I consider worthy of my admiration and respect. I just... like you, Dave. I like who you are.

[parodeity]

[ it's kind of like being punched, a rush of air and a physical flip of the stomach and he still thinks why, still can't understand how he got bro or how bro happened or how...dirk exists. he still can't understand the words even if he's craved them his entire life. ]

My first instinct is to ask you to list my flaws.

[ like. for the record? ]

I...liked your music. [ his second instinct isn't any less stupid. ]

[splinten]

Thanks. I liked yours a lot.

[Dave's second instinct is stupid, yes, as is his first, but Dirk saw that his words were like a gut punch and he has sympathy for that.]

Would it help for me to try to talk about your flaws? Admittedly if you asked for a list I'd probably blank out, but I can try to talk about them if it'd help you believe in the rest of what I said.

[parodeity]

I don't know? Sure.

[ this will go well or poorly let's find out which

dave is very familiar with his flaws so ]

[splinten]

[Yeah he is. Painfully aware of that. He doesn't know how else to go about it, though.]

I don't think it's the things you might expect me to say. You're capable and you're good, and you aren't any kind of disappointment or failure. Like I said, you're more than what I could've imagined and I really like you.

The thing is, I don't think you can recognize that in yourself. It's kinda self-evident in this moment, but you're way too willing to tear yourself down. Like, it's pretty self-destructive to ask anyone, especially me, to talk about your flaws. It seems to me like you don't really value yourself. I don't think you can even imagine yourself as being valuable and you act according to that self-evaluation.

It doesn't make you a bad person or worth any less. It sure as hell doesn't make me like you any less. I think, though, that it hurts you a lot. I can't help but think it isn't fair that you're so good and value yourself so little.

[parodeity]

[ that is...not what he expected so dirk earns a very honest if confused: ]

I'm a reset switch.

[splinten]

[Of course. Time player. And more than that: a kid raised by a guy who didn't care at him at all.

It isn't fair.]

You're worth a lot more than that.

[parodeity]

Are you knockin' my classpect?

[ it's a joke that isn't quite a joke. but. ]

I've never minded it. Even if dead daves are the enemy. [ he says it like a quote. ]

[splinten]

I'm not knocking your mythological role.

[It's what a Time player does. They're all bound by their roles, and Dave is a knight.]

It'd be hypocritical, anyway. I've been more than willin' to let Prince of Heart define my self-worth.