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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[splinten]

Is gainin' people or gettin' to keep them more anywhere in your lexicon of possible beliefs.

[He gives a bit of a wry shrug.]

We can't go back, yeah, but I haven't given up on our future.

[parodeity]

Yeah. Just not...the same. You want to be closer than I think we can be. If you're that close, and this worried, you might actually pay attention. And I still don't...you know.

[ a shrug. ]

I probably can't stop the things that hurt you day to day. You can't stop the things that hurt me. It's just...how it has been for a while now? So we just need to redefine how close we are to...less than what it was. Still close, just not...that.

[splinten]

[He lifts a hand to signal a pause, that he's listening but he wants clarification.]

You still don't feel comfortable with anyone seein' what's going on completely?

[parodeity]

[ dirk gets blank surprise since dave has no idea what that has to do with it, but confirms: ]

I pretty much never will, probably.

[splinten]

[The blank surprise means he clarifies:] You said that you still don't, and then trailed off.

[parodeity]

I still expect you to hurt me.

[splinten]

[Ah.]

I've been doing it pretty consistently. It's a reasonable expectation, as much as I hate it.

[parodeity]

What? Oh, no, not that. I'm used to that. [ ergo, it matters not. ] I mean, I expect you to change your mind about shit. Or stupid things, that I mostly know you won't do - the other day I wasn't sure you would not touch me after I said don't.

[splinten]

Being used to a thing and it being okay is not the same thing.

[FIRST OF ALL. But the rest. He frowns.]

Do you feel bad about feelin' that way?

[parodeity]

Yes. [ duh. ]

[splinten]

[Dave is being really honest and Dirk is kinda wondering if he's going for the bingo card today.]

Are you willin' to tell me why? It isn't like it's your fault.

[parodeity]

[ dirk has not asked so it's a mystery. ]

Because I shouldn't and you don't want me to?

[splinten]

Obviously I'm not in love with the idea that my brother can't trust I'll respect a request as basic as not touching him when he wants space, but that isn't on you. The alternate universe version of me put you in that situation, and you learned to think like that in order to survive.

[parodeity]

I'm pretty sure it's on me. I know...

[ ... ]

I should know you won't do that, at least.

[splinten]

You should, but you don't because in another life it wasn't true. And if I understand correctly, thinking that it would be true would be dangerous, physically and mentally. [He looks at Dave to confirm] You couldn't afford to trust that guy, and he is in some ways like me, being sort of me although also incredibly not.

[parodeity]

I didn't like that you were different.

[splinten]

[There's a pause.] Which me?

[parodeity]

Before. When I first saw you.

[ he'd grabbed roxy's hand and taken her away and it had been...

monumentally unfair and weird and distressing. ]

[splinten]

[He frowns.]

You mean on the rooftop? [He doesn't have the memory of the dream thing.]

[parodeity]

No. I don't want to lie about it, but I don't really want to talk about it. It was just...obvious you cared about people, and that fuckin' sucked.

[splinten]

[He frowns, but doesn't push, since Dave said he doesn't want to lie and he'll take that.]

Because the version of me that raised you hadn't cared about you.

[parodeity]

Yeah. [ it had been like - ] It was weird as fuck, watchin' you, because it was the same damn face and the same damn voice, and it was all I ever wanted to be directed at me directed like. Elsewhere instead? So it was petty idiocy overlaid with surreal unreality.

[ pointless thoughts and feelings, like always. ]

[splinten]

I would've been jealous and angry at myself if it had been flipped turnways. I'd wonder how I was deficient that I hadn't gotten that, and I would've come up with a long list of reasons.

[Petty and small and inadequate.]

[parodeity]

I think that's more or less what I did, except also I just repressed it.

[ a snort o laughter. ]

[splinten]

I have never repressed something when I could instead choose to drown myself in it.

[Yeah Dirk isn't exactly better.]

Do you feel that here?