[He looks at Dave, trying to find the way to put it that makes sense.]
It's okay. We're just... fucked up now, beyond the level that we used to be. I think, though, that you're also one of the people who's best able to unfuck my head. You make me want to keep tryin', at least.
Startin' with the easiest, then. I distrust the city now. I can't rely on things to stay constant or work the way they're supposed to. I'm always waitin' for the other shoe to drop, for a twist that will pull the whole thing out from under my feet. It's... fucked up when I have my sense of people's souls. It's like walking around knowing that most souls are just less.
['Window dressing.' Dave put into a phrase the thing that Dirk feels, on a visceral level, wherever he goes.]
I don't know. It isn't a reminder on a physical level, but I feel lacking without it. [A pause] And it's comforting to have a sense of your soul. It makes me feel at ease.
Not all of you, and not all the time. I'm not as good at finding others as I am at finding yours, and... [He pauses.] Sometimes when we were kids, you'd come up to me after a nightmare and I'd be still awake, and I'd tell you it was because I couldn't stop thinking. But once you were with me, I basically fell straight to sleep.
Lately I've been looking for your soul when I feel like that. I can't track you down, but I can sense that you're out there, and it helps. It has to be yours, not just because Rose's soul is wrong, but because... [This is stupid. He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth.] I always figured losing me forever would hurt you more than it would hurt Roxy. So you're always reason enough to stick it out.
Because I've always been transparent as fuck in unfortunate ways.
[ he doesn't say: i miss that about the nightmares, or that he slept better in those days, or that he hasn't slept at all since monday and it's exhausting in its own way. ]
[Because he has wanted to die, and he has chosen to live because of Dave.]
It isn't as versatile as time senses. Like I said, though, there's comfort in it. I want it back. I miss feeling the pulse of your life right beside me.
Yeah, I thought about that. On the flipside, that's another reason it's a comfort. When I reach out and get a sense of your soul, I know you're still here, and that you still are... real, in that specific way.
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[He looks at Dave, trying to find the way to put it that makes sense.]
It's okay. We're just... fucked up now, beyond the level that we used to be. I think, though, that you're also one of the people who's best able to unfuck my head. You make me want to keep tryin', at least.
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he nods. ]
...Okay.
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...What is it?
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Sorry. That's a hypocrisy on my part, but I'll try to correct it. [So.] What do you want to know my feelings about? I'll be honest about them.
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[ he's not sure where to start. ]
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['Window dressing.' Dave put into a phrase the thing that Dirk feels, on a visceral level, wherever he goes.]
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I don't know. It isn't a reminder on a physical level, but I feel lacking without it. [A pause] And it's comforting to have a sense of your soul. It makes me feel at ease.
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Lately I've been looking for your soul when I feel like that. I can't track you down, but I can sense that you're out there, and it helps. It has to be yours, not just because Rose's soul is wrong, but because... [This is stupid. He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth.] I always figured losing me forever would hurt you more than it would hurt Roxy. So you're always reason enough to stick it out.
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[ he doesn't say: i miss that about the nightmares, or that he slept better in those days, or that he hasn't slept at all since monday and it's exhausting in its own way. ]
It's a sucky power, isn't it?
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[Because he has wanted to die, and he has chosen to live because of Dave.]
It isn't as versatile as time senses. Like I said, though, there's comfort in it. I want it back. I miss feeling the pulse of your life right beside me.
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[ but: ]
That's not what I meant, although if you didn't reach the cynic's take yet, that's actually an improvement and don't let me deter you.
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Yeah, still want to know.
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[ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]
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Yeah, I thought about that. On the flipside, that's another reason it's a comfort. When I reach out and get a sense of your soul, I know you're still here, and that you still are... real, in that specific way.
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