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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[splinten]

[He's quiet.]

...What is it?

[parodeity]

Somethin' stupid. What about you?

[splinten]

What about me?

[parodeity]

Your feelings. I don't know. You always try to just talk about mine.

[splinten]

[Ah.]

Sorry. That's a hypocrisy on my part, but I'll try to correct it. [So.] What do you want to know my feelings about? I'll be honest about them.

[parodeity]

...Whatever. This, the city, the universe.

[ he's not sure where to start. ]

[splinten]

Startin' with the easiest, then. I distrust the city now. I can't rely on things to stay constant or work the way they're supposed to. I'm always waitin' for the other shoe to drop, for a twist that will pull the whole thing out from under my feet. It's... fucked up when I have my sense of people's souls. It's like walking around knowing that most souls are just less.

['Window dressing.' Dave put into a phrase the thing that Dirk feels, on a visceral level, wherever he goes.]

[parodeity]

Are you happier without it.

[splinten]

[He's quiet for a moment.]

I don't know. It isn't a reminder on a physical level, but I feel lacking without it. [A pause] And it's comforting to have a sense of your soul. It makes me feel at ease.

[parodeity]

So you just listen for our souls all the time? Like, all of us. [ well the house is that way but dave gestures towards whereabouts it is. ]

[splinten]

Not all of you, and not all the time. I'm not as good at finding others as I am at finding yours, and... [He pauses.] Sometimes when we were kids, you'd come up to me after a nightmare and I'd be still awake, and I'd tell you it was because I couldn't stop thinking. But once you were with me, I basically fell straight to sleep.

Lately I've been looking for your soul when I feel like that. I can't track you down, but I can sense that you're out there, and it helps. It has to be yours, not just because Rose's soul is wrong, but because... [This is stupid. He rubs the back of his hand against his mouth.] I always figured losing me forever would hurt you more than it would hurt Roxy. So you're always reason enough to stick it out.

[parodeity]

Because I've always been transparent as fuck in unfortunate ways.

[ he doesn't say: i miss that about the nightmares, or that he slept better in those days, or that he hasn't slept at all since monday and it's exhausting in its own way. ]

It's a sucky power, isn't it?

[splinten]

It isn't unfortunate to me. It's saved my life.

[Because he has wanted to die, and he has chosen to live because of Dave.]

It isn't as versatile as time senses. Like I said, though, there's comfort in it. I want it back. I miss feeling the pulse of your life right beside me.

[parodeity]

Then yeah. It'd kill me.

[ but: ]

That's not what I meant, although if you didn't reach the cynic's take yet, that's actually an improvement and don't let me deter you.

[splinten]

The cynic's take about how my powers work?

[parodeity]

Yeah. ...But I'm not sure you want to hear it, actually.

[splinten]

I'm curious, and not sufficiently smart enough to resist askin'.

[parodeity]

It might make you more anxious. Still wanna know?

[splinten]

[A couple of thoughts flit through his head.]

Yeah, still want to know.

[parodeity]

You'd feel us disappear if we ever went back down to window dressin', or if we died.

[ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

[splinten]

[Ah, that.]

Yeah, I thought about that. On the flipside, that's another reason it's a comfort. When I reach out and get a sense of your soul, I know you're still here, and that you still are... real, in that specific way.

[parodeity]

I miss it.

[splinten]

[There are a lot of ways to read that. He decides to ask.]

Miss what?

[parodeity]

The piece of me that could flip backwards in time. So I...get it. It feels wrong.

[splinten]

[Dirk nods, quietly.]

Talking to you like this helps. That's... another thing I keep feeling. Despite the worst parts of it, sitting you with alone together and talking clears my head. It makes me feel like these rooftops are a space that's just ours.

That might be delusional or stupid, I don't know. I'm worried—frightened, to be honest, and second guessin' everything all the damn time. But there's a comfort in being beside you and just... sharing these things.

I also feel guilty for feeling that way, though, and worse for saying it. It's the emotional manipulation thing, like I'm doing damage and being selfish by feeling it and saying it.