recollé ic inbox 2.0;

[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

VOICE | TEXT | VIDEO | ACTION

GO HERE FOR NEW THREADS!!!!!!! This one loads slow for me.

Comments

[splinten]

Why is it okay when I do what?

[He could guess but he has decided at this point guessing is a mistake and he needs to just ask things.]

[parodeity]

Let the other person decide all the things. Why are you runnin' a monopoly on it.

[splinten]

Because I landed Park Place. [Dumb joke.] So... do you want it so I decide where you get to decide all the things, and you decide where I do?

[parodeity]

You lost me.

[splinten]

You asked why I get the monopoly on letting the other person decide all the things. So I asked if you wanted in on my monopoly. Split the enterprise fifty-fifty, joint shareholders.

[parodeity]

I mean you lost me on how that would work?

[splinten]

We'd have to work out who gets to compel the other to decide on what.

[parodeity]

Such as?

[splinten]

[stop this plan doesn't make sense he's just winging everything stupidly??]

I could make you decide whether or not you tell me things, and you could make me decide whether or not I tell other people things?

[parodeity]

Dirk, come on.

[splinten]

Yeah, I know. You're right, Dave, it isn't right that it goes all one way. How to balance it out isn't immediately forthcoming, but I'm open to ideas.

[parodeity]

I don't have any. That's at least half the damn problem. What did you want to do? Talkin' is only gettin' us in tangled up circles.

[splinten]

We could ask each other that. Like I ask if you want to have to tell me things in a deal and you ask if I want to tell anyone else about my memories. Not yes or no, necessarily, but clear enough we can decide what to do from it.

Would that work to end the tangling, you think?

[parodeity]

Don't you? I'm not great at support and never was. I meant what did you want to do beyond...this, by the way.

[ another capitulation, or the attempt of one. ]

[splinten]

Not particularly, to be honest. I've been worried about tripping up and letting something slip, but I've never really felt inclined to confide in anyone else on it. I prefer to have you as my confidant, and frankly, the very things that I think make you think I'd rather turn to Roxy or Jake are exactly what make them impossible as options. Our past lives were messy and complicated, and I don't feel like I can really talk to them about any of it when they were part of it. And I don't especially trust anyone else outside of them enough to want to go to them with anything.

So no, I haven't really wanted to confide other people. I've just been worried about losing track of who already knows what and letting something slip. I'm scared of letting you down through sheer incompetence.

[Candidly for all of it, because it's true. It just doesn't work with anyone else]

You mean activities. [Confirm?]

[parodeity]

They got less messy. [ he doesn't expand on that, though, and doesn't answer the question dirk had suggested he ask dave on the basis he hadn't asked it. after a moment he tugs his hand back from dirk's neck, and rubs at his chest over his own heart. it still doesn't beat, and it bothers him more than he's willing to admit. ]

I meant activities. I promised you this timeframe regardless of how fucked up we are. I won't go back on it.

[splinten]

They're not entirely neat here. I don't want to talk to them about it. Not until they know themselves. I don't 'want to be the one to wake that shit up in them.

[He can't. He lets Dave pull away, but.]

Do you want me to hold you to a deal that requires you to tell me things?

[parodeity]

So once they remember you want to.

[ its easier to ask the question than if is to respond. ]

...I don't know. I want a person who doesn't exist.

[splinten]

Once they remember, I don't think either of us can get away with not. Unless you had a plan for that one you didn't tell me about.

[He doesn't fight the answer.]

Do you want to still have time set aside for just us, every week?

[parodeity]

I've just been refusin'. You can do whatever you want. I won't...try to make you into the person I...it barely matters. I won't hold you to your promises. I'll handle the fallout.

[ he drops his hand and thinks again it'd be nice to jump. he doubts it'd take. ]

You do. Yeah.

[splinten]

Even when they already know? [He pauses, turning the thought over.] I'm scared of talking to them. About everything, the things I did, the shit that happened. We can assume it all turned out decently. But honestly, I'm scared. I don't know what to do if they start to know and want to talk about it.

I don't think I can run away from having those conversations. But I don't want to have them. I don't... want that life over this one, with them.

[Everything is already a disaster. It will all be worse.

Dirk wants to reach for Dave's hand. He hesitates, though, because it might be torture to Dave.]

That wasn't the question I asked. Do you want to have time, every week, just for us to be together?

[parodeity]

I know how risky it is to talk about things. I do it with you, that's it, because it always brings up more shit. I remember when she told me to look up, why she wanted me to. I know the second any of them remember the shit I used to joke about, its game over. I couldn't hold it together in a non awkward fashion for the one time I talked to m - Roxy, and if she remembers that or thinks about it real close she'll - see the discrepancies. I kept bringin' you up and then backtracking at top speed and I was just really fuckin' morbid and the amount of times I made stupid deadpan jokes to the trolls and relied on them not havin' the human frame of reference is -

[ part of his reluctance is not wanting people to remember the bad things.

a larger portion of it is not wanting them to know. ]

You're goin' to be the only person I told without it bein' done for me, and even if that was done when I was out of my head freaked at least it was me doin' it. At least it wasn't me doin' it to preempt someone figuring it out. Because that's the fuckin' option I have , ain't it, if I can't - this is stupid. Forget all that.

[ he changes his mind and decides answering the question is easier than explaining himself. ]

I've always wanted your time. It's not a thing that goes away if it gets harder.

[splinten]

[He's still and quiet and listening.

When it all finishes, he says,]

The trolls are a non-issue. I won't talk to them about any of it. I don't owe them shit. Do you think Jake is a risk, or just Roxy?

[parodeity]

[ he shrugs. ]

I already told you I won't hold you to shit. That...it was unreasonable to expect someone to be that much on my side and it didn't even help me trust you more because I always knew I wouldn't be able to hold you to that forever. It's pointless to try to avoid the part where I - I'll deal with it whenever it happens. I'll avoid it until I can't and then I'll deal with it. Don't worry about it.

[splinten]

Of course I'm worried about it, Dave. It's fuckin' you up just to imagine people working it out. From your position, it's an hour glass running out of sand, and your best chance of escapin' game over is if someone knocks the hourglass off the desk completely.

[Quieter, but no less clearly,]

I am on your side. I know I can't be who you need, and I'm sorry. But this is a thing I want to protect you from. You don't deserve to have that... ripped out of you like this. It isn't right.