[ because that's true, too: he hasn't wanted to be honest in a fairly long time, and he's only forced himself to be. dave doesn't look up from his contemplation of his shoes. ]
Love and trust and love and honesty don't go hand in hand. But now you can have the truth with everyone else, which is a better than fair trade when you didn't even have it with me without conditions.
[He wants to ask, Why can't I have it with you? But he can't. He is taking unsteady breaths and trying to find peace and trying to be steady, trying not to let his breach hitch and stagger. Trying not to feel his world falling apart and the empty sea surround him.]
So I don't fucking get any truth at all ever again. Every smile and laugh, every word, it'll just be—
I don't know. Sometimes it might be real and sometimes it won't be. Does it matter? Sometimes they'll be lies I'll tell myself, too. But you won't know about the things I don't want to share.
[ he'll lay brick walls over the doors and windows. ]
It'll just be me buildin' the walls up enough so I can function and this time no one else is gonna be inside. You should text him back and let him know you changed your mind, and m - Roxy, too. They'll help you find balance.
[The water. He has to go to the water. His body is right for it now, for deep diving, getting lost in the waves. Dave has sent him back to the ocean, and there is nowhere else he can go.]
[ he pauses, and looks up, and cuts himself off. it's not his business any longer. it doesn't matter when dirk starts talking to any of them about memories, or when he leaves the promises behind, because dave has said the promises don't matter. and he can't insist that dirk go straight to one of the others to get help, because that's where he fucked up after remembering killing dirk. he stuck around and wouldn't leave until he saw him somewhere, and it was weak and probably hurt dirk more in the long run.
letting go means letting go.
dave breathes out, slow. he course-corrects: ]
...bye, Bro. [ today, tomorrow, forever. one of the three. ] I'll see you around sometime, maybe.
We won't like this. [ he gestures between them, and hesitates, but dave does know it's for the best. it has to be, doesn't it? ] I love you. Enough to let go. So. Goodbye, Bro.
[ and dave can leave. it's just a matter of walking back out to the street and slipping into the bustle of people coming and going. ]
[It isn't for the best. He knows that in his gut. He knows he might learn to move again. He knows he'll learn to fake moving. He knows from his memories that this deep, drowning loneliness is something he can learn how to function with. But it isn't for the best. It is a piece of his heart ripped from his chest. No matter how well he learns to live without it, he won't ever heal.
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[Dirk slumps back into the wall. He has his face in his hands. He is trying and failing to not cry.]
Don't go, I don't want to lose the truth from you—
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[ because that's true, too: he hasn't wanted to be honest in a fairly long time, and he's only forced himself to be. dave doesn't look up from his contemplation of his shoes. ]
Love and trust and love and honesty don't go hand in hand. But now you can have the truth with everyone else, which is a better than fair trade when you didn't even have it with me without conditions.
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So I don't fucking get any truth at all ever again. Every smile and laugh, every word, it'll just be—
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[ he'll lay brick walls over the doors and windows. ]
It'll just be me buildin' the walls up enough so I can function and this time no one else is gonna be inside. You should text him back and let him know you changed your mind, and m - Roxy, too. They'll help you find balance.
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I'm gonna just—go somewhere alone. It's fine.
[The water. He has to go to the water. His body is right for it now, for deep diving, getting lost in the waves. Dave has sent him back to the ocean, and there is nowhere else he can go.]
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[ he pauses, and looks up, and cuts himself off. it's not his business any longer. it doesn't matter when dirk starts talking to any of them about memories, or when he leaves the promises behind, because dave has said the promises don't matter. and he can't insist that dirk go straight to one of the others to get help, because that's where he fucked up after remembering killing dirk. he stuck around and wouldn't leave until he saw him somewhere, and it was weak and probably hurt dirk more in the long run.
letting go means letting go.
dave breathes out, slow. he course-corrects: ]
...bye, Bro. [ today, tomorrow, forever. one of the three. ] I'll see you around sometime, maybe.
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Don't make it like we might never see each other again. That's fuckin' cruel.
[He won't stop Dave from leaving. He can't, anymore.]
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[ and dave can leave. it's just a matter of walking back out to the street and slipping into the bustle of people coming and going. ]
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[It isn't for the best. He knows that in his gut. He knows he might learn to move again. He knows he'll learn to fake moving. He knows from his memories that this deep, drowning loneliness is something he can learn how to function with. But it isn't for the best. It is a piece of his heart ripped from his chest. No matter how well he learns to live without it, he won't ever heal.
When Dave leaves, Dirk goes to dive in the sea.]