It'd have negative effects on you. Tellin' Roxy no wouldn't, but tellin' Jake no would. So that settles it, doesn't it? I can't ask you to do somethin' for me that'd hurt you. The alternative is always preferable, no matter how willin' you are. You're right.
[ he doesn't even specify what alternative he means, staring down at the ground and frowning. ]
I'm sorry for ever bringin' you into this. I never should have called you any of those times. I know you wanted me to, I know you think you'd know what was up if I hadn't, but I'm sorry I did. It caused all of this. I won't make the same mistake again. Not for the millionth time.
It's okay, Dirk. I made a decision. I know what I'm gonna do.
[ want or need don't come into it. dave straightens out of his habitual slouch. his expression smooths out into bro's calm nothing and he speaks quietly but firmly. ]
As long as you want Saturdays and strife sessions we'll do those. If you call it quits, if you think it's too forced or fake or just stop wantin' to, we'll stop, no questions asked. Whatever time I've promised you already is yours to keep.
Consider yourself completely free of every promise you've ever made to me minus the decapitation thing. I'd still appreciate a heads up, but...you don't have to do that either, I guess. [ he sorts dirk mentally out of the category he'd been in and dumps him in the other, the one with everyone else in the world, and out of the halfway sort of trust he'd struggled to maintain. ] If you want or need to talk about or share your memories with people, feel free. I'd appreciate you not sharin' mine, but I won't enforce that, either, if that's a thing you end up needin' to do.
[ he doesn't fidget with his hands. there's no excess movement at all. ]
I'm not gonna do this again, though. Talkin' about things with you, from this world or the last one. When I need help, I won't call for you. I'll handle it alone. I'll do what you offered and I won't tell you what I remember, and whatever comes up, I'll handle it.
I shouldn't have told you. I should have lied and said it wouldn't hurt.
[It's a quiet dead whisper. He should have lied. He should have said it would be fine, nothin would hurt. He should have lied and told Dave everything would be okay and there wouldn't be any problems. He should have pulled Dave's own move on him and lied.]
That's not the only factor. [ dave's voice is still quiet and calm and completely and totally controlled. he doesn't breathe. ] I've considered it before. Now I decided.
I never wanted to tell anyone about your things. It'd fuck me up if I was the one who made someone figure out what you went through. I—it isn't something—That just isn't the kind of shit I could stand makin' happen.
I'm telling Jake that I can't talk to him about our memories. I'll tell him that I just can't handle it.
[He is legit typing up the message. Assuming Dave doesn't stop him from typing, this is the message he is composing and will send.
Jake, bro. I've been thinking about our memories. I've decided I don't want to talk about them. I want to face you in this life. I don't want the baggage from our last one. Can we agree to just focus on what's here and leave out the rest?]
I'm not gonna change my mind, Dirk, so you don't have to. Don't...do this to yourself. You can still go to everyone else. The only change is I'm not an option.
When it gets to be too much, I'll make the other one for you. So let me know when you can't handle it any longer.
[ dave sits a moment longer before standing, shoving his hands into his pockets and shrugging. there's no relaxation or half-smile or any of the usual signs of contentment that admittedly have been fairly rare. ]
Whichever you want. I said it was your choice, and it is.
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[ he doesn't even specify what alternative he means, staring down at the ground and frowning. ]
I'm sorry for ever bringin' you into this. I never should have called you any of those times. I know you wanted me to, I know you think you'd know what was up if I hadn't, but I'm sorry I did. It caused all of this. I won't make the same mistake again. Not for the millionth time.
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[But Dirk is being honest, and this is what they got stuck with]
What's the alternative? Makin' you take the hit isn't... It isn't preferable to me.
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[ want or need don't come into it. dave straightens out of his habitual slouch. his expression smooths out into bro's calm nothing and he speaks quietly but firmly. ]
As long as you want Saturdays and strife sessions we'll do those. If you call it quits, if you think it's too forced or fake or just stop wantin' to, we'll stop, no questions asked. Whatever time I've promised you already is yours to keep.
Consider yourself completely free of every promise you've ever made to me minus the decapitation thing. I'd still appreciate a heads up, but...you don't have to do that either, I guess. [ he sorts dirk mentally out of the category he'd been in and dumps him in the other, the one with everyone else in the world, and out of the halfway sort of trust he'd struggled to maintain. ] If you want or need to talk about or share your memories with people, feel free. I'd appreciate you not sharin' mine, but I won't enforce that, either, if that's a thing you end up needin' to do.
[ he doesn't fidget with his hands. there's no excess movement at all. ]
I'm not gonna do this again, though. Talkin' about things with you, from this world or the last one. When I need help, I won't call for you. I'll handle it alone. I'll do what you offered and I won't tell you what I remember, and whatever comes up, I'll handle it.
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[It's a quiet dead whisper. He should have lied. He should have said it would be fine, nothin would hurt. He should have lied and told Dave everything would be okay and there wouldn't be any problems. He should have pulled Dave's own move on him and lied.]
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I'll forgive you when it happens. Did you still want to spend today together?
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[He grabs his phone from his pocket and flips it on. He's going for Jake's number. He's going to stop this now.]
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[He is legit typing up the message. Assuming Dave doesn't stop him from typing, this is the message he is composing and will send.
Jake, bro. I've been thinking about our memories. I've decided I don't want to talk about them.
I want to face you in this life. I don't want the baggage from our last one. Can we agree to just focus on what's here and leave out the rest?]
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Even if I've lost you, at least I'll have protected you. No matter what, I intend on doing everything I can to keep you safe.
[He hits send.]
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When you need to backtrack on this, I won't be mad. Just...keep that in mind, I guess.
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Then I guess let me know when it gets to be too much.
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[He stands up from the roof's edge.]
Sand castle or horse mural?
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[ dave sits a moment longer before standing, shoving his hands into his pockets and shrugging. there's no relaxation or half-smile or any of the usual signs of contentment that admittedly have been fairly rare. ]
Whichever you want. I said it was your choice, and it is.
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How are you going to make the other choice for me?
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Beach.
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[ he steps off the roof and drops to the ground, only bothering to slow down when he can just step onto the ground itself. ]
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I changed my mind. I want you to do the thing where you ask before touchin' me. And I would prefer you to not, just now.
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