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[parodeity]

DAVE STRIDER

consider this your warning about stairs. itll just keep happening bro. im telling you man

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[splinten]

[The blank surprise means he clarifies:] You said that you still don't, and then trailed off.

[parodeity]

I still expect you to hurt me.

[splinten]

[Ah.]

I've been doing it pretty consistently. It's a reasonable expectation, as much as I hate it.

[parodeity]

What? Oh, no, not that. I'm used to that. [ ergo, it matters not. ] I mean, I expect you to change your mind about shit. Or stupid things, that I mostly know you won't do - the other day I wasn't sure you would not touch me after I said don't.

[splinten]

Being used to a thing and it being okay is not the same thing.

[FIRST OF ALL. But the rest. He frowns.]

Do you feel bad about feelin' that way?

[parodeity]

Yes. [ duh. ]

[splinten]

[Dave is being really honest and Dirk is kinda wondering if he's going for the bingo card today.]

Are you willin' to tell me why? It isn't like it's your fault.

[parodeity]

[ dirk has not asked so it's a mystery. ]

Because I shouldn't and you don't want me to?

[splinten]

Obviously I'm not in love with the idea that my brother can't trust I'll respect a request as basic as not touching him when he wants space, but that isn't on you. The alternate universe version of me put you in that situation, and you learned to think like that in order to survive.

[parodeity]

I'm pretty sure it's on me. I know...

[ ... ]

I should know you won't do that, at least.

[splinten]

You should, but you don't because in another life it wasn't true. And if I understand correctly, thinking that it would be true would be dangerous, physically and mentally. [He looks at Dave to confirm] You couldn't afford to trust that guy, and he is in some ways like me, being sort of me although also incredibly not.

[parodeity]

I didn't like that you were different.

[splinten]

[There's a pause.] Which me?

[parodeity]

Before. When I first saw you.

[ he'd grabbed roxy's hand and taken her away and it had been...

monumentally unfair and weird and distressing. ]

[splinten]

[He frowns.]

You mean on the rooftop? [He doesn't have the memory of the dream thing.]

[parodeity]

No. I don't want to lie about it, but I don't really want to talk about it. It was just...obvious you cared about people, and that fuckin' sucked.

[splinten]

[He frowns, but doesn't push, since Dave said he doesn't want to lie and he'll take that.]

Because the version of me that raised you hadn't cared about you.

[parodeity]

Yeah. [ it had been like - ] It was weird as fuck, watchin' you, because it was the same damn face and the same damn voice, and it was all I ever wanted to be directed at me directed like. Elsewhere instead? So it was petty idiocy overlaid with surreal unreality.

[ pointless thoughts and feelings, like always. ]

[splinten]

I would've been jealous and angry at myself if it had been flipped turnways. I'd wonder how I was deficient that I hadn't gotten that, and I would've come up with a long list of reasons.

[Petty and small and inadequate.]

[parodeity]

I think that's more or less what I did, except also I just repressed it.

[ a snort o laughter. ]

[splinten]

I have never repressed something when I could instead choose to drown myself in it.

[Yeah Dirk isn't exactly better.]

Do you feel that here?

[parodeity]

Sometimes. Not always in the same way, but sometimes. I at least got window dressin'.

[ he isn't sure if he thinks their parents are real or not. it's a weird thing to consider off and on. ]

[splinten]

[Dirk makes a soft sound, somewhere between agreement and thoughtfulness.]

Going back to the point at hand, it's okay. I hope maybe you can come back from it, but it'd be crazy to expect you not to feel that way.

[parodeity]

Come back from which part.

[splinten]

From the part where your past life experiences with the weird, evil version of me influence how you see me. I don't mean erase it entirely, but maybe at least learn to trust that I won't, you know. Things like ignoring you when you say you don't want physical contact. That kind of thing.