parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

I'm not sure love would've always been the best word - math just makes sense, you know? The answers aren't in question unless you get into the really gnarly still bein' figured out portions of it. There's a right answer or wrong ones and they don't change on you in general. And these days I can't help thinkin' in numbers sometimes, even if half the secret of time is that eventually it becomes meaningless.

[ why is he talking about this why can't he just come up with something profound ]

What would your favorite school subject have been?

I think that's one of the most reassuring parts of mathematics. It follows an essentially logical structure, even where it acts counterintuitively.

[He is. Surprised by the second thing?]

I never thought about it.

[his AU Fantasies did not involve school, they involved ninja fights vs juggalos]

Well, now you can? Not like I can really say for sure either since I didn't like...

[ well bro was a little controlling and never bothered to feed dave or do most domestic things so school and doctors visits were some of those things that weren't like huge priorities? ]

I mean, you probably wouldn't like any classes. You try really hard to cede control but it doesn't come naturally to you in most situations, does it?

[Dave, he gave you a touching brotherly present and now you're calling him out for being a control freak.]

It's possible that if I'd been socialized in the 21st century, I would have been more willing to take my education institutionally. As it is, it's hard for me to imagine any appeal in anything but an autodidactic approach. I prefer taking my own pace and following my own interests.

That sounds fake tbqh. Socializing you would not change the parts of you that're you. You'd hate havin' to sit in a room with people who didn't get the way you think while not bein' allowed to share what you thought about shot re discourse because you were just a student or whatever.

[ the calling out continues ]

You don't always have to stop yourself from bein' the naggy control freak you are, y'know.

[THE CALLING OUT WON'T STOP.]

Being a wet blanket control freak isn't one of my most flattering traits.

[He'll respond to that because Dave is still calling him out about school and Hey.]

I think it's probably more related to what you'd do it with that makes it flattering or unflattering; the context is important. Sometimes it's really nice not to be in charge. I'm not sure if you ever feel like that, though.

[ he's also not sure if he should feel like that? although he also doesn't like to cede control in situations that hit too close to home, but. being the leader of anything had never appealed to dave. the closest he's gotten is enjoying being in charge of their training sessions. ]

I've had times that I've felt like that. [He is thinking about it, considering where the appeal is.] Sometimes it's kinda nerve-wracking not being in control. When I can trust in it, though, it's good.

Sometimes it's a relief to let Rose make decisions about day to day activities. You too, but you do it less 'cause you freak out more about the bossy nagging sibling thing. I assume this says somethin' unfortunate about me like most things tend to but whatever. It isn't like Rose is likely to stop doing her whole Rose thing and since I don't mind it, it's probably okay?

[ things like what they'll do when they hang out or nagging reminders to eat or talk to someone or whatever. ]

Edited 2017-01-15 06:53 (UTC)

It makes you both happy, I'm assumin', especially if Rose has inherited my impulse to tell everyone what's best for the and bother them until they go along with it. So it should be okay.

[He isn't entirely sure what to say on his part. He does have his control freak impulses, and he still hasn't truly settled how to handle them. Sometimes he backs off too hard and sometimes he pushes too strong. It's a process, working it out.]

Yeah. She'd leave me alone if I ever legitimately did anything other than bitch to bitch.

[ because he obviously has to put up some token resistance for her? ]

Some things I need to be in control of and she never bothers me about those. I'm not sure how she knows the difference.

[ a small frown, but more thoughtful than anything else. maybe it's calculated on rose's part; maybe it's a seer thing. he'd have to ask to know and she might bullshit him. ]

Quite probably something she'd be vague and unclear about if asked. Either way, she knows you well enough to look after you.

[There's a little half-apologetic expression.]

I... know that I have a lot of catchin' up to do before I can meet the standard she said. I'm hopin' it'll come with time.

It's not like that doesn't go both ways. I'm pretty crap at fraternal support. I'm hopin' eventually I will attain "semi functional human being" when faced with a sibling crisis that requires me to like...say things right.

[ like what the fuck to say when someone is drunk and on a downward spiral. or a million examples from his history with dirk. ]

She would be stupid vague, shit. Half the time I think bein' answer means you gotta do your best unhelpful magic eight ball impression, but then I remember that's just Rose.

You said something to me about hammerin' this sort of thing out due to not havin' guides of our own.

[It's kinda ridiculous, all the little things that Dave said which Dirk has kept with him. That is one of them.]

Do we have other Seers? I know the only other Prince is dead. I don't know how many of the surviving trolls overlap with ours.

Terezi's Seer of Mind. Kan's Sylph of Space then Vris is Thief of Light, jugglo mcfucknuts is Bard of Rage and Vantas is Knight of Blood. For who overlaps, though...Aradia has my aspect, Tav has John's I'm pretty sure, weird sweaty horse guy has his class, fishtroll princess had Jade's class, you and cat troll share an aspect but she has mom's class, sweaty horse troll has mom's aspect, we covered genocidal fish guy as bein' Prince and he was also Hope, fish princess was also Life and Aradia was Maid. I think that covers all the overlaps?

[ he has spent too much time in dreambubbles with a zillion dead trolls, god. ]

Are you saying that me telling you that about brotherhood was knowin' the right thing to say?

You might consider being better at their names than their mythological roles.

[not that either helps, like most of them are super dead and Dirk will never meet them]

I'm saying that it was something that has stuck with me, and which has helped me a lot to remember.

Maybe if I had any interest in talkin' to most of them again. Like, it'd be chill to hit up Megido but most of 'em are people who awkwardly tried to be a pain in the ass to all of us like once and who then proceeded to die. A lot. No real time to get attached.

[ the classpects he remembers mostly thanks to lectures. ]

You told me I wasn't cool.

Edited 2017-01-15 08:36 (UTC)

[A short pause.]

That was a right thing to say.

[Not inflected as a question, but a question. He didn't think of it in those terms, though he understood it as part of what was behind Dave suddenly hugging him. Now, though, he is seeing it framed that way.]

[ dave runs a finger down the cover of the book in his lap. ]

You meant it as a good thing. [ his friends had said it before, too, but always teasing. and usually followed by an admittance they did actually find him cool to some degree. ] You didn't care that I didn't...you didn't see it as me not measurin' up. You said I was stronger than I realized and a better person than you'd imagined him being.

Yeah. I still do.

[All of it. Dave is stronger than he thinks. He isn't cool, even if Dirk adores him and thinks he is awesome in so many ways. He is a really, really good person.]

I...expected that meetin' to go a lot differently. It was a right thing to say.

[ he'd expected bro. he hadn't gotten him. ]

Okay. Good.

[There is a pause as he reflects on his own awkwardness.]

Neither of us is in any danger of thinking the other cool at this rate.

[They are both so lame.]

Eh. I'll never tell you if and when I do think that.

[ it comes with one of his rapid-fire casual smiles. ]

You definitely don't need to know that kinda thing.

What the Hell, man.

[Dirk seems relaxed about it too. After a pause, he decides to sit down beside Dave, close but not too close. Within reach.]

I love you, Dave. Thanks.

It's only fair.

[ he's thought dirk was cool before but he'll never share, okay. dave's quiet for a second, gaze slanting to the side. ]

I love you, too. But why "thanks"?

[ a heartbeat. two. he leans over to the side and drops his head onto dirk's shoulder, slouching against his brother. ]

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