parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

He's one of the possibilities.

[ there are a million. but he is also the main possibility. ]

[Dirk is quiet for a moment. He worries about his quiet. He worries Dave will read it into it. So he breaks it, just for a second—] I'm trying to find the right words.

[And then quiet again.

He moves his hand from his chest, and he lets it rest on the floor between them.]

I think... you might not understand the role you have in my life, and the role he has or might. Or rather, you simplify it to a matter of you not successfully filling in the slot of 'brother' and 'Dave' set by him.

Am I right that that's how you understand it, or am I off on this.

[ unlike dirk, dave doesn't get antsy in the quiet. he just breathes. it's always more worrying when he's quiet, probably, because dave rarely shuts the fuck up without cause, unless he's trying to knock himself out. dirk's loquacious, or at least he's wordy as fuck with dave, but he also just goes quiet sometimes.

dave hasn't yet categorized it as "always bad". ]

That's not it. I never thought I could fill in the slot.

I know that part. [Low and gentle in his monotonous voice.] You do think it's the only slot available to you. The one my Bro is capable of feeling but that you fall short of.

You don't think that maybe, you play a totally different role in my life. One that he couldn't ever fulfill.

That's not really it either.

[ it's halfway right. but not all the way right. ]

It's a moot point until we hit the inevitable Strider deluge?

It isn't moot point. What's am I getting wrong?

Nothin', I guess. You're just...not mine.

[ not entirely not ever really, not his by timeline or universe or anything else he has a tangible claim on over someone else. there is always going to be someone else who matters more, and that doesn't actually bother him. he isn't worried about meeting the standards that would somehow make all of that not matter, because he can't and anyway time eventually makes everything fade. ]

Dirk, I'm not actually, like, upset. I'm not worryin' about that. I'd like to focus on here-now, not there-then.

[There's a moment of quiet again.]

We can move on in a second. Just... before we do. I appreciate by the logic of universes and timelines, you don't have a claim on me as much as I don't have one by you. The logic of universes and timelines, however, is mostly dumb.

Could you... maybe try thinking about the idea that you've been turning me into yours all these months. [He adds, because he wants to be honest.] Truthfully, I've spent a lot of effort trying to make you into mine.

Okay. We can discuss the other thing now.

You don't actually have any competition?

[ he would. try. to consider the turning dirk into his part except 1) he definitely does not deserve that and 2) dirk has always felt like a trap that's too good to be true because yeah he does not deserve that and 3) how the hell can he ever keep dirk permanently. ]

But uh what other thing.

You seriously underestimate my insecurity if you think that matters.

[realtalk dirk is a mess]

The part where you said you don't want to be a waste of time. Like if it didn't work, it would b.

I think deliberately not fixin' things I can try to fix counts as wastin' time.

[ it's not exactly what he said or meant. ]

Is that what you meant?

[Sometimes, he has to just try the yes-or-no questions.

Not with any belief Dave might actually answer with a 'yes' or 'no' but he tries.]

You're...actually willin' to give me time. I don't want to waste it.

[ or make dirk waste it. one of those things. ]

And that's what you meant.

[He needs to have clarification here.]

Yeah. I don't...want you to realize you're wastin' time on me.

[ and if that means making sure dirk is not well. yay? ]

Dave. Knowing you aren't likely to believe me, I'd still like to say something.

[He breathes out, slowly, then takes a breath in. His eyes are watching Dave for a reaction and expecting he won't see what he wishes he would.]

If all of this turned to nothing tomorrow it wouldn't have been a waste of time. Because you've made me a better person, more like the version of myself I'd most like to be, and because I value all of the experiences we had together. I just... don't want it to be nothing tomorrow. I like having this relationship, and learning with you. What red now signifies for me won't be lost. Frankly, I'm too damn clingy for it to go away.

[His eyes shut.]

Okay. That's all I needed to try to tell you. Thanks for letting me.

[ what he gets is dave freezing entirely and watching him as closely as he ever does when dirk speaks and he's actually looking at him. his throat working like he's going to say something, but he just swallows it down and listens and doesn't move, red eyes wide.

then dirk shuts his eyes and dave's not actually sure what to say.

he settles for sitting up and shoving over, flopping back down actually next to dirk or sort of just. using dirk's shoulder as a pillow since actually the floor is not that comfortable. this will not do anything for dirk's comfort level, probably, nor will just kind of rearranging dirk's arm to be a. better pillow. ]

If you don't leave now I'm goin' to sleep. Or we can take your turn to be flipside of this argument?

[ disgruntled and embarrassed and he doesn't know how to say what he wants to say or what he wants to say. ]

[Oh. That wasn't the expected response?

He is a pillow now.]

I'm okay with sleeping now. [A pause.] I don't know what my turn is.

Sleep is usually better done on beds. [and not. floors?]

The conversation we always have, about whether we're important or not or love one another or not.

[ flipping sides too quick for anyone else to keep up. ]

I'm not movin'. [ so like. dirk can move. or he can move dave. but apparently dave is not moving himself?? ]

The only conversation we ever have, apparently.

[He now understands. Dirk glances over at his really, really lame brother.]

Do I need to give you a piggyback ride to bed.

[because he. totally will. sigh.]

If for some reason you feel we need to go there. I'm fine where I am.

[ of course he is also the one who has at least a makeshift pillow. ]

Edited 2017-01-18 09:23 (UTC)

[Dirk. Puts his hand, the free one, to his head.]

Okay, I'm getting up now. Find a way to drape yourself for a piggyback ride or I'll drag you up.

[He will start with the dragging if it comes to it but he also knows Dave has the athletic skill to get himself piggybacked where possible.

He just does not know if Dave will use that skill, or will decide to remain a useless sack of potatoes that Dirk gets to drag around.]

[ well he will just loop his arms around dirk's neck that's athletic enough right. dirk actually has to get up for him to assist more by like. actually actively assisting himself onto dirk's back? ]

You wouldn't drag me, you'd just pick me up.

Things being true does not in fact make them things that you have a right to say.

[HE WOULD JUST PICK DAVE UP...

Anyway yeah he tries to get up. Awkwardly. With his Dave backpack-y-thing.]

I think there's some 21st century cliche about bein' able to say whatever I want under my own roof.

[ not that he has ever listened to said cliche but currently it suits him so whatever.

dave assists by simply floating up until dirk can get his bearing. because. they can do that, dirk. ]

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