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[parodeity]

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[parodeity]

[ ah cal. still hate that guy. ]

So you're still sure you wanna do this?

[splinten]

Absolutely.

[No hesitation.]

This is where I want to be.

[parodeity]

Okay.

[ he'll keep trying to believe that part. ]

What time should I be countin' down to for doomsday scenarios, anyway?

[splinten]

Which kind of Doomsday Scenario? We're living with an overabundance at present.

[parodeity]

I meant the clock countdown to d-day i.e. when you move in I guess??? Like what time tomorrow is that happening. Is it happenin' completely at random, or.

[ A SPECIFIC TIME... ]

[splinten]

I don't tend to pick specific times as precisely as you do. [He will point that out.] We can make it noon.b

[parodeity]

No one does, that doesn't bug me. I just wanted, like. A general timeframe maybe I guess?

[ he's literally going to just be a bundle of nerves until then isn't he. why this. ]

[splinten]

[A short pause.]

Okay, let's do it early morning. 5AM?

[parodeity]

Wait, why'd you flip it back seven hours?

[ ??????????? ]

[splinten]

Because I'd like to minimize the amount of time you sit around sleeplessly freaking out about it.

[parodeity]

I'm not gonna do that!

[ he's gonna do that. ]

[splinten]

I completely believe you.

[parodeity]

[ ... ]

Well, are you gonna sleep?

[splinten]

Probably not.

[not ashamed to admit this]

[parodeity]

So you're a nervous wreck too.

[ he's not sure if that helps or not ]

[splinten]

I'm a nervous sunken ship, and the Heart of the goddamned Ocean is deep within my shattered hull.

[parodeity]

Well if you want to get poetic about it.

[ though dave's own language is very frequently creative so maybe he shouldn't cast stones here...

he huffs a quiet laugh. ]

It's stupid to be nervous about the same thing, though? I say that and I know it won't help, but - kinda discouraging that nine months haven't improved our ability to deal with awkward waiting times. Or I guess we're not on the floor, and also we are saying words instead of playing solo charades, but.

[splinten]

I don't think of it as discouraging. We're both dealing with a lot of baggage, and things happen that make the grounds between us unsteady. It's normal that we'd be nervous in this kind of situation.

[It's one of Dirk's thoughtful, reasoned explorations. Quiet as he talks leaning against Dave.]

Honestly, I consider this relatively encouraging. You might not have noticed, but I'm something of a human wrecking ball when it comes to people and relationships. I'm conscious of my flaws as destructive in nature, and particularly prone to hurting others or my relationships with them. It's reasonable for us to be concerned about the possibility of something happening that'll lose us what we want here, especially because we're both sure we don't deserve it and are afraid the other will figure it out.

What's reassuring to me is that we've reached a point where we can act anyway and communicate our fears. As backwards as it is, it's comforting to me to know that we're both willing to take that risk on each other. I think that is a kind of progress in terms of our growing understanding of each other and the value we put on our relationship.

[parodeity]

I mean, I was mostly jokin'.

[ and he's not sure the point has as much to do with maturity as it has to do with being too exhausted to do anything else, but there is absolutely no reason to spoil dirk's apparent good mood. the point of the lohac topic was to reassure dirk and if he's further taking things as reassuring without dave's trying, it's a mission success.

dave opts to talk about something that is mostly nothing, the balancing act of meaningless chatter second nature. ]

But I do believe that everyone except, like, John and maybe Jade exhibits the human wrecking ball traits. I mean, John has his moments of it but it's never about interpersonal relationships so much as dumb shenanigans. So. It ain't like you have a monopoly on the experience.

[splinten]

[Dirk taps his head, very lightly, against his brother's.]

You need to get more smooth at your subject shifts, Dave.

Actually, don't. You still get me sometimes.

[Then he settles in.]

I don't know if I agree. Your group never seemed to do anything actually destructive to each other's identities or to the relationships between you.

[parodeity]

A fair amount of the time. You're not as slick as you think, bro.

[ or dave has too much practice and is too confusing to really catch out on changing topics deliberately all the time when sometimes he does it just on a whim or because he distracts himself. ]

Just because we didn't focus it at one another didn't mean it didn't go somewhere. Or is the only kind of wrecking ball that matters the kind that swings at a friendship? If so, I guess you've got us there.

[splinten]

Unfortunately, I intend on getting better.

[Dave gets things past him but Dirk keeps trying and he is going to get good at this. He is determined and he is stubborn.]

It isn't a wrecking ball if you're destroying yourself. That would be some kind of explosive probably.

[parodeity]

You can intend all you want.

[ non-committal, but he'll clarify about his friends: ]

Our relationships with our guardians were more contentious; we did destroy them in our own ways. At least, three of us were like that. Attacking those relationships or just makin' 'em burn. I don't think that was the intent, but I don't think it's usually the intent when you ruin a thing to ruin it? Unless you're an asshole, I mean, in which case it is.

[splinten]

I don't think you can blame a group of kids for their relationships with their caretakers. Whatever a thirteen year old might do, it's a guardian's responsibility to negotiate the difficulties. There were very few direct guardian relationships on our side, but the one we had was successful in no small part because Jane's Dad was able to bridge the gap with his teen daughter.

[Dirk has stiffened an improbable fraction, but not after what Dave said about guardians. It was the part that came first.

Somehow, that hurt]

[parodeity]

[ shit. dave doesn't react at all, but mentally flips gears, trying to work out a way to shift things yet again. he settles for rambling until he sees an opening. ]

Maybe. Those relationships all ended the same way, and they're kinda not relevant at this point in this context. But I'd warn you that you don't know everythin' we've ever done or the ways in which we've ruined other people or ourselves. But maybe you'll hear about those things someday and we can reopen the conversation? Most of them, I'm not the person who should tell you about any of it.

[ since it isn't all just him. ]

The Crockerbert Dad bein' so damn similar either side is still a weird paradoxical fact. But he's probably one of the coolest things p space has insisted on as bein' a thing? Signed Stiller pics aside.