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[parodeity]

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[splinten]

Do you want me to come with you?

[There's the thing. Dirk is stubborn and persistent and pushy. He nags and he holds on and he tries to get his grip on everything he can when it comes to the people he loves.

But he is very, very sensitive to the notion of not being wanted. After all, he hates himself. Every sign that someone may likewise want to avoid his company is confirmation that he should stay put and inflict himself on other people less. That the best thing he could ever do for the people he loves is stop bothering them.]

[parodeity]

Yeah. Do you want you to come with me?

[ that was a weird way to phrase it. shit. ]

I usually want you to come with me. I just don't ask.

[splinten]

I basically always want to come with you.

[There is a moment's hesitation. Then he pushes off the desk and walks over to the stairs. He's a few steps behind.]

It's my company that I consider unpalatable to virtually anyone who comes to know it.

[parodeity]

I like your company. I just don't like -

[ vague hand gestures as he goes up the stairs. he takes two at a time because he has to exactly time his arrival and he'd run late if he took them one at a time. he's terrible at feeding himself, but he has never once been late or early on feeding the magister and the rabbit rays. ]

It isn't anything to do with you.

[splinten]

My narcissism takes offence at that.

[No it doesn't, and Dirk gets it. He can understand, objectively, that it is not in fact him.

That is a lot harder to feel when the self-loathing is weighing in.]

[parodeity]

It would, wouldn't it? But I don't ask because I shouldn't and I'm mildly concerned about how fucked I'll feel when you do say no about something important.

[ it's said like an aside as he beelines for the tank, fistbumps the magister, and then goes to the supply cabinet to get the actual stuff to feed the fish. ]

It's less potentially destructive to just let you hang around whenever or hang around in your space and then wander off than to like, ask. I'm willin' to take whatever you'll give so just, like, don't worry about that ever bein' a factor that ain't true re: company.

[splinten]

At a guess, I'd hazard that my ability to not worry about the possibility of you not wanting my company is basically on equal terms with your ability to not worry about me rejecting your requests at some point.

[He does not have to race, so he will give the Magister a fist bump while Dave gets the stuff.]

[parodeity]

If you don't ask for it, it can't be used against you. Oh, but that doesn't apply to you. You can ask for anythin' and you will get it.

[ this is said to. the magister. what the fuck dave. ]

Within reason, darlin'. Although you've never actually asked for anything without reason. How the fuck did Rose and I manage to raise someone halfway functional, that's a mystery we may as well ignore.

[ yeah he's just gonna talk to his fish child while he boosts up to actually open the tank and dump in the Goods ]

[splinten]

My personal fear is not an active weaponizing of my desires than it is the passive disregard for them.

[The difference between an empty house and a house with monsters in it.]

[parodeity]

I'll always try to listen if you ask, Dirk. If I don't, you'll remind me. Won't you?

[ it was on the list, or he thought it was, but maybe it doesn't actually matter. dave shuts the tank hatch and rests his forehead against the glass. he wrinkles his nose when the magister taps the glass where he's leaning in, a reluctant smile working its way out. ]

[splinten]

I will. Or I'll try. Part of that involves you asking me to say them.

[A pause while he watches Dave.]

Sorry for already being a headache to live with.

[parodeity]

Nope. Only cause to my current headache is decidedly not you.

[ so he isn't allowed to apologize for it? apparently. ]

That honor is on lockdown and I'm p sure no one else can touch any of it. They are simply the best there is at headaches.

[splinten]

As a group, our proclivity for snowclonage is phenomenal. Not the tendency towards it, which would be commonplace for any collection of individuals transmitting information of a meta-communicative level as enabled by memes, but the frequency with which we rely on things said within our groups to develop memetic phrasing.

[u sure the headache isn't dirk]

I don't want you to get exhausted by having to live with me.

[parodeity]

[ no he's used to that bullshit it's like talking to rose ]

Do you want to hear a really obvious fact?

[splinten]

Uh. Okay.

[Feels like a trap though. Dirk's spine kinda. shifts a bit, shoulders drawing back. As if he's preparing to be shoved away.]

[parodeity]

One of the most exhaustin' things I have done here so far was not livin' with you.

[ it is still exhausting him. ]

[splinten]

[That is not shoving Dirk off of a rooftop. He is not sure how to balance himself after not taking the push.]

Oh.

[parodeity]

I thought we covered that.

[ still to the glass, still conversationally. ]

[splinten]

In terms of naps and things.

[Dirk knows he's good for that.

Dirk still is pretty sure he is emotionally exhausting to be around.]

[parodeity]

That's not how I meant it, genius.

[ re: what he just said, dave means. it is true that it has been physically exhausting, yes. but it isn't what he meant. ]

[splinten]

That was not established.

[That was probably established by Dave, to an idiot.]

Okay. I'll.

[Er.]

Make an effort on believing that to be a thing that is true.

[parodeity]

It was - is - exhausting. You told me you were glad I moved out and I told you not to say that, ever, because I didn't want to hear it or think about it. I know how you meant it, don't bother arguin' that, I'm not a dumbass - you said it was a relief and better for my health and maybe I could sleep but it was exhausting. Not in the sleepin' way.

[ he stops leaning against the glass, but doesn't look over. ]

And it was still a million times better than it would or will be if or when I have to let it go a second time. So - I can only hand you over so many weapons at once. The ones specially prepped to make Dave filet or whatever, I mean. Give me a little longer to sharpen a few more knives before I toss them your way to do with what you will.

[splinten]

[It all makes a lot of sense. Again and again, he regrets that Dave can't take contact right now.]

Okay. Just... I'm not putting them in any fridge, metaphorical or otherwise. Just so you know.

[parodeity]

You wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I know.

[ not in the way bro would have. ]

Sorry I'm already a headache to live with?

[splinten]

Not a headache, bro. This is still where I want to be.

[He pauses.]

So do I get to swim with Snoop?