parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

I assumed.

[ that there would be puppets, he means. dave rubs the back of his neck, shrugs. ]

The rules about puppets only involve, like, attackin' me with them still.

[ so you know just don't do that and they're good??? ]

That won't happen. I guess we'll start there.

[Get the biggest part over with. He starts conjuring that room up from memory. It stayed the same almost all of his life so it isn't harder. Posters on the walls, the window looking out onto the sea. The achingly hot summer and his fan. Computers, turntables, tv monitor, wardrobifier. Puppets and hats at the foot of the bed, SBAHJ merch scattered around. Lil Cal, without the katana, in his Derse pjs. The TV screen currently showing Geromy, after Dirk's conscious choice not to keep it flickering through his salacious ironic (?) animal people things, because let's just not put Dave through that when puppets are also in the room. Those stupid pictures of Starsky and Hutch. Seagulls, the sord tucked safely away, the rocketboard nearly set aside. A few robot parts here or there but no loose weapons.

Despite himself, an overwhelming sense of... boredom. Sort of. Tired, lonely boredom and isolation. There is no one in this house. There is no one in this house. Dirk is alone and even his own mind can't trick Lil Cal into being alive. Everything is so quiet, and nothing inside a house makes a noise without Dirk having intended that.]

So... yeah. Welcome to my bedroom.

[ why are there furry horse posters. why is this the thing dave focuses on first. why is dirk the way he is?? dave's eyes slide over cal and the smuppets but he doesn't focus on those. his eyes stick to the stiller pic over the closet, and he leans back in faint surprise. ]

Huh. [ the pic of the gray dude nearest cal, too. dave stares at that, though it's close enough to cal it could be misconstrued.

third picture near the tv, too, and he flips his gaze there after a second and snorts. ]

The fuck. [ the quiet isn't something dirk likes, but dave...relaxes further. it's strange to see the bones of his own room, mostly different, and to not feel constantly on guard. but mostly: what the fuck. ]

Edited 2017-01-07 18:13 (UTC)

[It's. The furry posters isn't it. HE LIKES HORSES. Look, at least Dirk's horse posters aren't as bad as Equius's? Or, you know, Bro's awful puppet porn posters. Dirk is tasteful relatively. Leave him alone.

Anyway that's what he assumes is the wtf, not the other posters.]

Which part?

[Because he assumes that but Dave relaxes so. He isn't sure.]

It's just so stupid. You were four hundred years and a universe away, but I was in this room, too. Who starts a paradox? No one can, I guess, or it wouldn't be one.

[ he drifts over to dirk's desk. ]

Why do you have a miniature version of the pony Rose's mom gave her. What paradox is this. Why is life stupid? Did Rose's pony survive the impact post-scratch and not become a baby bib?

[It is pretty stupid, admittedly. And it's part of why Dirk wanted to show Dave at all. He wanted Dave to see the ways things were different, and the way they were the same.]

No. I don't think? The story is that my Bro had a horse a lot like this with him during his rebellion, but normal-horse-sized. [Why is that the story.] Roxy genetically engineered Minihoof for me.

He would have. John was the ectobiologist, remember? He like. Gave everyone shit. I am pretty sure half of the shit he gave us was later killed or used to kill?

[ actually. come to think of it. dave frowns. ]

No one should ever help John make that connection. But anyway I got that dude.

[ POINTS TO THE HORSE. ]

Edited 2017-01-07 18:25 (UTC)

Huh. I guess he survived the impact in the alpha timeline. I always thought Maplehoof was pretty cool.

[ does this mean Dirk's horse thing is because of that. Let's not think about it.

The computer is open to Dirk's chat client if Dave risks looking that way. Five contacts, no new messages. But an extra pair of shades is blinking on the desk beside some spare robot parts. Hi, AR. Good to see you will never leave Dirk's subconscious. ]

[ he obviously has to pick up the shades? ]

You've got some of the posters in the same spots. Fan, turntables, desk by the window. Neither of us ever shut it, did we.

Course not. Which posters in the same places?

[ If Dave inspects the shades closer: Squarewave and Sawtooth as the desktop background, messages from TT to TT. Both in orange. Dirk feels he has to warn Dave.]

I wouldn't talk to him. He's viciously intrusive at best.

[ hopefully Dave listens because AR definitely is not on his best behaviour. If he doesn't listen...

TT: Hello, Dave.
TT: Are you enjoying your guided tour of your brother's past life?
TT: Or perhaps we could call it his current life.
TT: It seems there is a 99.76% chance Dirk is anxious about returning to the psychological equivalent of this bedroom.
TT: It seems there is a further 99.998% chance he fears he has already arrived there.
TT: Are you concerned about returning to the psychological equivalent of your apartment, Dave?
TT: Or are you reassured you have nothing left to lose now that you're already there?

It's a splinter Dirk doesn't really feel he can get rid of: everything he hates in himself, everything he is scared of being. Jealous, arrogant, bitter, manipulative. The AR of Dirk's mind may even be worse than the original.]

[ it's dave though and "tt" catches his attention every time. rose's typing style, her shorthand, but in bright orange and that's never not going to be weird. however, he can't actually reply back for the simple matter of: ]

Dude, I got no clue how to work your shades. You know this. Every time I need you to do anythin' on them I just ask. Actually, how DO you type shit on these. Do you think about it?

[ ok. now he's staring at the shades because how the everliving fuck do they work?

there was no real change to his expression when he read the text, but he doesn't feel like responding out loud. it occurs to him that's stupid since it's a dream run by dirk. everything in here is dirk. splinter or otherwise.

it makes dave wonder if that means the bro in his dreamscape is also a part of him. ]

Three of 'em. [ he gestures with the shades to ben stiller, then the other two small gray square headshots. ] Same location, same shot, each of 'em.

They read eye movement as input. Give them here?

[ TT: Wow. Real surprising. He gets to talk to you, cry about you, dream you into his head.
TT: He demands I get shelved like I'm something dangerous.
TT: I'm assuming because he doesn't like me to say things outside of his control
TT: Am I any less your brother than he is just because he's the real one?
TT: Maybe if I try being more of an emotional wrecking ball and less of a perfectly calibrated non-threatening pair of sentient shades carrying a fully formed personality.
TT: His personality.
TT: It's like not being the original of the knockoff disqualifies me from the Dave's brother sweepstakes.
TT: And really, am I the one who has knocked himself out of the running there?
TT: I never feel obligated to tell anyone anything, not even Dirk. ]

That is such a stupid thing for Paradox Space to insist on.

[ soothing though. Especially compares to thinking of Dave talking to the shades. Creeping unease comes in, the fear that the AR will do to his precarious relationship with Dave what it already did to Dirk's relationship with AR. He half forgets it isn't real. ]

Edited 2017-01-07 21:39 (UTC)

[ ouch.

dave had reached up to his own shades at "read eye movement" to see about taking them off and seeing what splinter-dirk had to say, but dirk says "give them here" and dave moves immediately to do so. his eyes catch most of what was written, and he'd like to reply, but curiosity and something else - anything else - do not make a compelling enough case for him to ignore a request for privacy.

the shades are folded up in his left hand and held out. dave's expression is still save for a very small frown. ]

P space has never once insisted on somethin' not stupid. Next room? Yours is cleaner than mine, 'cept for wall clutter, bee tee dubs.

[The relief when Dirk gets the shades into his hands is physical. They're still blinking away, insisting they have a message. He's no longer terrified what that message is.]

I couldn't ever control him when I was awake. It carries over, except he gets even more aggressive about insisting he's just a projection of me and therefore I don't have any place to even try to stop him. When I was dating Jake, he insisted that he was wingmanning me, when all he ever did was try to manipulate Jake or misrepresent my intentions just enough to warp the scenario.

[It's apologetic; an explanation for why Dirk felt desperate to pull the shades away from Dave. He does not want a projection of a splinter that he can't control to try to manipulate his brother. He does not want the AR to try to fuck with Dave's head.]

So you have more things on the floor and fewer on the walls? The door out is blocked by Captain Snoop. We have to go through the wardrobifier. [The door fades out, leaving them a route that gets them... let's say outside the front door, since evidence suggests, leaving them at the front door to the apartment..]

He is a projection of you. [ they're in a dreamscape; although dave pauses, frowns. maybe splinter powers make things different somehow? he doesn't pretend to know every nuance of dirk's aspect. ] Uh. Probably? You tell me. But that doesn't mean you don't have the place to like, not let it happen. If you tell me to step off on somethin', I will.

[ i.e.: handing over the shades immediately upon being asked to do so. ]

And you don't have to...share anythin' you don't want to. Don't be a dumbass.

[ there's no reason to be apologetic, although dave's gone hard to read for whatever reason. he kind of eyes the wardrobifier (tehcnology is Weird) but follows along. kind of warily because what other horse shit does dirk have hiding in his apartment. ]

It's the argument we always used to have. Everything he thought were things I thought, because he's me. Everything he does are things that I should approve of doing, because he's me. Telling him I don't want him to do something is either dishonest or hypocritical. Because we're the exact. Same. Dude.

[There's a certain bite to it: it's an argument he has had with the AR before.]

He always refuses to take into account the necessary differences of a thirteen year old copy of my brain as an AI to the development I've had since, and also that just because one iteration of me wants to do something, it doesn't mean I do. He also ignores that my mind conjuring him up doesn't necessarily imply I want him here. My mind mostly consists of things I don't want it to and can't control. It's my main beef with it. And with him.

[DEFINITELY AN ARGUMENT HE HAS HAD A LOT. Maybe he's so caught up being mad at AR he doesn't notice Dave has gone blank? Whatever. Dirk leads Dave in through the front door and it's

mostly a mystery, but definitely this, sans the window. Dirk, why. Why that statue. The main room... kinda sucks. Like, the fridge is the same but there isn't anything in it except some fish and a bunch of orange sodas. He has all the same appliances but they're empty of gore. The walls are decorated with APPARENTLY EVEN WEIRD AVANT GARDE HORSE STATUES and yeah, there's a futon and the TV, but no turntables, no extra computer, no sign that anyone but Dirk ever lived here.

There aren't any puppets around either: just robots and their parts, arranged in a way that implies Dirk just kinda stops in the middle of whatever he's doing (eating, probably) to work on a project that he had left for himself at one point. Even then, he isn't half as messy as either Dave or Bro. HE IS PRETTY NEAT.

The sense of loneliness comes back strong again. A feeling of aversion bleeds in. Dirk doesn't mean it too, but honestly, he doesn't like his main room. He decorated it but what's the point of a futon for one kid living alone? What's the point of an entire living room? The robots are the best effort to filling the place up and even then they don't do the job. Isolation creeps in.]

Like I said. It's pretty boring. I preferred to stick in my room.

[And just. Came out for snack breaks and lost robots along the way because he can't stop working even to eat?

Probably.]

[ honestly. he could argue about ar or give dirk some measure to what he'd meant (we're in a dream, how much do your splinter powers affect that?) or comment on the weirdness of a kitchen that seems to function as a kitchen. there's no reason to give dirk a reason to read what had been written, though, so dave just drops the topic entirely, although the blank facade recedes for one reason only: ]

Why is there a goddamn horse comin' out of the wall.

[ why is he related to you. why would rose definitely do this with like, a wizard.

the aversion feelings won't register at first, really; it isn't like dave really enjoyed being out and about in the house himself, although it was for entirely different reasons. he'll probably get a little tense and jumpy before realizing it's not his own sense of dislike.

he

yeah he's going to keep staring at this WEIRD AVANT GARDE HORSE STATUE why the fuck

why is dirk so weird about horses ]

Because it's cool.

[NO IT FUCKING ISN'T]

How are you actually less cool than I am?

[ squinting at the statue. WHY ISN'T IT EVEN A WHOLE STATUE? ]

It's gotta be the furry thing. That like, drops everyone down five levels. Thanks for the advantage, dude.

I'm not a furry.

[Dirk your fucking bedroom]

I'm not attracted to horses sexually, nor do I want to be one.

Do we need to go back in your room and examine your furry horse posters again, because we can absolutely do that.

[ DIRK, YOUR FUCKING BEDROOM ]

You can be a furry if you want, Dirk. Yiff twice for yes, once for no.

I think horses are cool and find the historical and contemporary preoccupation with merging the equine with the human to speak to interesting dimensions of the human mind.

[It is a good thing he managed to make his screen only show Geromy because then Dave would have more fuel.]

You're sayin' lots of words but all I hear is "I almost definitely want to do bad things to horse furries".

[ although he supposes he prefers weird horse fetishy art to like smuppets and bro's version of pornography fucking everywhere?????

well. that's actually an easy call yeah sign him up for the furry express to get the fuck out of smuppet hell ]

Embrace the truth, Dirk, I'm told it'll set you free?

Except that it isn't the truth because I don't. Do you want to look at the rest of my apartment or not?

[Look honestly, Dirk's horse posters are so tame compared to Bro's things. Only one is even vaguely sexual, and it's a female body. Which, you know. Dirk is gay.]

I bet you kinda do. [ dave is an expert in distractions but this one was at least partly natural and partly manufactured. also, he will not drop it, because clearly this is his calling in life: annoying the fuck out of dirk about something stupid. ]

What else? Bathroom, roof. Right? Imma hazard a guess there are robots in there.

[ jerking his thumb at the door which ought to have the bathroom, following their shared housing layout. it was puppets for bro, but...

dirk's clutter seems to be mostly robotic. dave hadn't been sure that would be the case. ]

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