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Not even a fucking little. [THIS IS WHY DAVE DOESN'T GET TO SEE DIRK'S SCREENSAVER WALLPAPERS.] Hallway and bathroom, yeah.

[It's through the standard door. And. Yes. There's Captain Snoop. Also the Skaianet poster, because apparently Dirk is a huge Grandma English fan? Dirk reflexively gives Snoop a little nod as he walks by.]

Captain Snoop.

[He opens the bathroom door and would just give Dave the short tour except:

"YO YO D-STRIZZLE—"

Godfucking dammit, Squarewave was in there and initiated a rapoff.]

Dude, no! I'm busy!

[He slams the door in Squarewave's face because FUCKDAMMIT, SQUAREWAVE. There is muffled 90s trash-talking from the other side of the door.]

I'll. Unimagine him from there. He just slips in whenever I forget that I'm remembering a time he ambushed me for a rap-off.

[muffled 90s rapping continues. Squarewave is hard to unremember.]

Edited 2017-01-07 23:24 (UTC)

I mean, you can open the door and have a rapoff with your imaginary robo pal.

[ IT FEELS WRONG TO LEAVE SQUAREWAVE HANGING? ]

I can wait? I can help.

[ it's easier to focus on dumb shit than the important shit: the life story of dave strider.

also he is trying really hard not to crack the fuck up and this has been true since "d-strizzle" was said. DIRK PROGRAMMED A ROBOT TO CALL HIM D-STRIZZLE.

god he really wants to laugh ]

[It does feel wrong, honestly. Dirk has a moment's debate about unimagining Squarewave, but even if it's just a dream of Squarewave manifested from his subconscious, he can't leave him hanging like that.

He sighs, opens the door, and has a goddamned rapoff with Squarewave. SQUAREWAVE IS TERRIBLE. Dirk avoids using plushes, and he doesn't need to short-circuit Squarewave since he isn't you know at risk of being assassinated, so it's just stupid and silly and honestly Squarewave loses fast anyway. He's so terrible at this.

Also yes he continues to say terrible things like 'dawg' and 'd-strizzle' WHY DID DIRK PROGRAM SQUAREWAVE LIKE THIS because it seemed funny to him]

Okay, dude? Can you get out of my bathroom now? [Squarewave does. While coming up with nicknames for Dave? D-Dawg. Dave-Diggity. God it's some dumb stuff.] I think I mentioned before how enthusiastic and eager he is.

[Dirk loves Squarewave but also. Some regrets.]

You may've said a thing or two, D-Strizzle.

[ dave DOES NOT LAUGH but the rapoff did not help with the part where he really wants to laugh. at dirk. this would be 100% at dirk so he is being nice and not doing it but.

it's hilarious to him which makes sense given it was hilarious to dirk, once upon a time.

also what the fuck is that creepy robot child head on the toilet. dave is entirely fine with like, not entering the bathroom further. he will, you know, stay out here? ]

I was really young when I programmed him. [It is funny though. BUT YEAH THE BATHROOM IS NEAT? Dirk is neat. He doesn't leave TOWELS on the floor. That's probably the end of it, though, and Dirk shuts the bathroom door.

Squarewave is still there, nearby possibly to throw in other stupid comments.]

So that's pretty much it. I'd say sorry for the interruptions [he gestures with the AR, still in his hand] but apparently you really have taken to one of them.

[IS IT SQUAREWAVE? Yes it is. Squarewave wants to challenge Dave to a rap-off btw. And just tried to. Dirk puts his face in his hands.]

Why is a fucking projected robot of my memories so stupidly excited to have someone new to rap against. Why is my brain so damn stupid.

[it always does things he didn't ask it to, why]

At least you don't mind this one.

[ or dave interacting with it. take the win, dirk.

also: dave will proceed to have the rap-off. honestly he will just oblige squarewave as long as squarewave follows because he is that kid who more than likely fed the crows that you know were constantly in his room? he literally cannot go out on a swim without giving stalkers attention and food, or any other random thing he comes across.

his style is casual and low-key amused and honestly the only people who ever really challenged him to rap-offs were like, trolls.

he luckily does not feel the need to be weird as fuck at squarewave about like, vietnam and stuff??

but yeah he will

start trying to move the rapoff sequences to the roof ok ]

We're going roofwards?

[Dirk should actually know which direction the tour is going in but he's genuinely surprised? By this?]

There isn't anything up there. Sawtooth, if my subconscious decides to bring him home, or if I can get my consciousness to control the players in the dream instead of just the setting. We can see it if you want, but it's pretty dull.

[Like everything else here, basically. Except Squarewave? Dirk genuinely loves Squarewave. What a good robot.]

I want to see it if I'm allowed.

[ though it will be incredibly weird to be on the roof of their joint apartment building and not get attacked.

he...

should probably lock down every stray though he has right now so that doesn't happen, actually. hm. this time when dave blanks out it's solely to focus on that. ]

Okay. Like I said, it isn't a big deal.

[So Dirk takes him up to the roof. There's no Sawtooth this time, although Squarewave comes with them for fun. It's a nice view?

Except the unease starts creeping again. Dirk's posture shifts, not relaxed, but tired. In an ocean's dream, Dirk's ocean goes on and on. There is nothing but the sea in every direction. The apartment stands alone.]

This is it.

[ again: dave shouldn't find this peaceful in the back of his mind. it's a place where no one can ever get close enough to hurt you, and that's the problem for dirk. isolation for dave was different than it was for the kid out of time and all alone. almost automatically he drifts to the side, going near the edge of the roof and looking down. same drop as ever, except maybe a hair less lethal. or, well, from this height... ]

Okay. You said if I asked you'd do the full emotions. Do you want to?

[ if it's no they can move on, but. he'd like to understand fully. ]

I can, but... you sure you're okay with that?

[It's a lot. Dirk might be called a robot by people who misread him, but the truth is he always feels too much.]

Edited 2017-01-08 00:19 (UTC)

[ dave has never accused dirk of that, at least. ]

Yeah. Hit me with your best shot, Dirk.

[ though he will take the precaution of stepping back from the edge and focusing on his brother. ]

Okay.

[Okay. He can do this. He can be honest. He can tell his brother how he feels.

Okay.

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you are alone. You are tired of this place and also yourself. Who wouldn't be, spending every hour of every day with you? The rooftop is empty, overwhelmingly so, it's vast because there's no one there, it's so small because everything that is there is you. You are everywhere; no one else is. If you jump no one will catch you, if you drown no one will save you, but you will have your own voice mocking you the whole way down. You think about it because everything is dead except you and that's lonely. If you can join them, you won't be alone. But you don't want to join that either, you want and you don't want to exist, and isn't that just like you? You want so much, more than you deserve, and the more you want it the less you deserve it. You want someone to hold your hand and tell you they want to be near you, and when you feel the palm of your own hands under your fingers you want to rip yourself apart. Fighting yourself and nothing like this is frustrating, pointless, stupid. You're so stupid. This is what you get and you should be grateful to even have this chance of survival when you don't deserve it. Why can't you just shut up? You find the endlessness of the ocean reassuring as a promise no one will see you like this and you find it terrifying as a promise no one will ever pull you out. Your thoughts never stop and you are never alone courtesy of your own brain, but you wish you could be. You wish you could deserve it.

Sometimes you look at the ocean and you think you want to go home, but you know that isn't right. You are more home than you deserve to be in a place your Bro saved just to keep you alive. You are as ungrateful as you are jealous, unworthy, unloveable, stupid and selfish and disgusting and controlling and weak. You want to go home to someone and stop coming home only to yourself.

But there isn't anyone. There's just you, the ocean, and reflections of your self. It's frustrating, and it's exhausting, and it's stupid. You just want anything to make it stop. You just want to anchor yourself on something outside of you. You just want too much.]

[ it's a deluge, but one dave asked for, so he just waits for it to wash over him. it's strange to listen to - feel - things he gets and has felt, but in an alien way surrounded with a lot of things he has/hasn't. he wonders for a split second if bro ever felt any of this, but decides just as quickly he doesn't care. the reason he asked wasn't anything to do with bro; the person he's trying to understand right now is dirk.

it is a lot but the weight of this kind of thing feels like second nature, even though it isn't his. it's an ill-fitting hand-me-down sweater that's too tight in some places and too loose in others.

there are holes, a few big enough to put his hand through.

this would be a good moment to be rose. if she didn't fuck it up like she does sometimes when it comes to saying something, she might have something profound or meaningful to say. or jade, who is good at offering sympathy and empathy alike. or john, who can always make all of them feel better even when he doesn't understand the causes of their sadness at all.

unfortunately, he's still just dave strider. ]

You said you didn't have any child development fears. [ so what he comes out with is something out of left field, said uncertainly, and he feels thirteen years old again and stupid as hell. ]

[Dirk breathes out, and Dave might feel stupid but Dirk feels relieved. Above all else, Dirk hates himself most for hating himself. It's an ugly paradox, the knot that catches him up and turns him fully narcissistic. Sharing the depth of that self-loathing with anyone is terrifying. Some magic phrase that should fix it, or pity—he doesn't know if he could take them.

He can take something out of nowhere.]

Yeah. Nothing in my childhood to fear. Except survival things, but I worked out how to handle that.

Edited 2017-01-08 01:12 (UTC)

And you say I'm an idiot.

[ at least there isn't pity? dave has pitied animals on iniidae and random shit like socks that don't have matches and a variety of concepts that are nothing more than concepts.

he's pretty sure that dirk does have a trigger as bad as any of his own, though. dave doesn't know how to approach that, so he says instead: ]

Do you want to see my room?

You are an idiot.

[He is confused by the comment but he definitely can come up with that comeback. Super smooth. So cool.

He is further confused by the offer. He pauses, a moment into which Squarewave inserts a "YEAH DAWG!!" so Dave may or may not have also accidentally invited Squarewave to his room also. Sorry.]

If you're cool with that, yeah. I would.

It's genetic.

[ and uh. he. guesses??? squarewave can come??? he feels bad telling squarewave no so this is his life now he's just going to let dirk's 90s robot into his room. why not. dirk's having more trouble than dave was with mental intrusions, but dave has admittedly been getting eons of practice thanks to bro and cal apparitions since the damn dreamscape stuff started up.

he will head back down though he won't try to redo any of the rest of the apartment. maybe he should, because dirk hates it, but dave prefers to drift through dirk's apartment rather than his own, until the last possible second. ]

I didn't let you the other day because it wasn't...relevant and I don't like mixin' the two.

[ he'd never felt entirely safe in his room, but it was safer than the rest and he tries to keep that distinction. it might not make sense, but.

so anyway dirk's bedroom won't be dirk's bedroom the next time they enter, although dave immediately crosses his arms and tenses up. the sburb copies aren't there, but there's a mess of cords on the floor he clearly ignores and crows and personally developed photos drying. it's more cluttered than his space on the base ever got, although there was probably a lack of organization in the cords for electrical shit the other day at the tower re: turntables. that kind of organization is a thing that happens to other people who are not dave, generally. ]

[lbr, Dirk also hates Dave's apartment more than he hates Dirk's so going through Dirk's is fine. It's just familiar, and anyway, it's nicer if Squarewave is following them around? You can never be too sad if Squarewave's there, being a ridiculous 90s robot.]

That's reasonable. I wouldn't expect anyway.

[Okay so Captain Snoop NOT being in the way is clearly the weirdest thing and Dirk walks in. He notices the tension but he has no time to comment on it because you know who else has things to comment on? Squarewave.

Squarewave is fucking IMPRESSED that there is a picture of him and Sawtooth, and he expresses it with a, "YO! LOOK AT ME AND S-WIZZLE ALL UP IN THIS HIZZLE!"

Dirk looks at Dave with a decidedly neutral expression.]

My rapbots are indeed all up in this hizzle, Dave.

[Squarewave makes him want to laugh to this very day and he is just barely keeping it together tbh]

Yep. No weirder than the fact that, like, webcomic characters actually were a thing we definitely did fight in the final battle.

[ like

dave has the felt AND the midnight crew posters on his wall and he is just. pretty sure. that is the dumbest fucking thing in existence.

HE HAS NEVER BEEN SURE IF HE SHOULD ACKNOWLEDGE THIS WAS A THING???? can you break the fourth wall on shit your universe breaks the fourth wall on??? it's hard to say. ]

Also, my name is Dave-Diggity you uncultured swine?

I was about to ask about them. I decapitated HB there.

[yeah guess what the problem solving method was AGAIN]

My bad, Dave-Diggity. Squarewave is helping himself, obviously, but is it cool if I, D-Strizzle, look around?

[Since he'd like to see things but UNLIKE SQUAREWAVE he does not have 90s manners.]

I don't think I can call up memories of the comic well enough. I never even finished readin' the fuckin' thing? But it was a comic I sure did read. So that sure was a thing that was a thing. For some reason.

[ SOME REASON HE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND but dave is resigned to not understanding most things in his life, so whatever.

also

he just gives dirk a look but it's about the decapitation mention not the lingo. ]

Mi casa is universe flipped yours. So knock yourself out. Unlike Rose, I don't have a diary.

Tell me you didn't try to read Rose's diary.

[That seems really dumb. But okay, while Squarewave admires himself in a corner, Dirk will start, actually, with the jars of dead things. He stands up on his toes to look over them properly.]

I know we're comparing the Strider apartment across universes, but I'm reasonably confident Roxy had this shelf with mutant cats in her jars. You are so totally her kid sometimes.

Of course I didn't try to read Rose's diary.

[ dave says, utilizing bullshit exact words loopholes since he definitely SUCCEEDED at reading rose's diary? also honestly dave had expected dirk to hit up the photos on the clothesline first, because they are all Terrible Selfies of thirteen year old dave so he will just. take his stay of execution there.

feel free to check out his cool fossils and WEIRDLY MUMMIFIED HAND, WHAT THE FUCK DAVE though.

otherwise: one two three four five six - yeah there are just. a bunch of selfies on that clothesline clearly developed by dave himself. ]

Dead shit's cool. Rose had gothic horror posters. [ rose is her own woman ]

[The selfies are coming next; it was the Roxy-ness that caught him, the familiarity that wasn't something familiar with home. He does pick up the mummified hand.]

Dead shit is weird. You have no place to criticize Rose's Gothic bent when you literally have dead things in your room.

[Seriously. He does go over to the pictures next. The first one catches his interest, of course. By the second, there's the hint of a smile. By the third the smile is really there, and before he hits six he has started laughing hysterically.

THESE ARE SO FUNNY TO HIM why is he like his brother too much]

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how did you phone tag that in, wtf

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