parodeity | subnautica ic inbox 2.0;

I would be okay with that.

[ ok but sbahj plushes would probably be less distressing for dave than like

most other puppets honestly he hates puppets so much ]

Oh. I think we forgot "no tests" in the things I didn't want list. But. That still...exists. Which brings us to your turn? What do you want for nos.

I'm good with that staying a thing.

[Since generally Dirk is not testing Dave when Dave thinks he is? Dirk is now. Frowning though.]

Is the trigger something physical or was it supposed to be something more general?

['no tests' dave says, as dirk decides he is being tested by dave]

Dude, it's fine if you didn't figure it out. Puttin' that aside, is there anythin' you would have on your no list, currently? We can talk about the trigger thing in a sec. I was mostly just wondering how dumb we collectively are.

[ like. for science. ]

Good news! The results are in, and we're idiots.

Thanks, Professor Farnsworth.

[Dirk's sarcasm aside, he is thinking about this. He wants to be able to do this. He wants to set boundaries. But he still doesn't know what kind of boundaries to set.]

I don't know if it makes sense. Or is fair. It should maybe be on the list of things to work on, although now that I think about it it'd be a thing for you to work on so, yeah, it isn't fair.

[He knows he's going to be called a hypocrite but even so, he is sure of this.] It isn't fair.

You owe me one unfair confession.

[ by dave's internal calculation of such inane statistics. ]

[That is also unfair. What a jerk. Dirk's frowning and then he looks away and it's obviously. Not easy for him to ask for.]

I want to... not. With you responding to me as an enemy. Or attacker? With the negotiations and manoeuvrings and peace offerings. I want you to not act like I'm going to hurt you. [His eyes come back, and yeah, this is really getting to him, but it's because of how unfair it is, about how much he doesn't want it but how much it needs to be a thing.] Which is why it isn't a fair thing. I have hurt you and you have every right to try to protect yourself against me. It isn't cool to ask you to not protect yourself, and I wouldn't want you to not be protected.

[He just doesn't want the person Dave has to defend himself from to be Dirk. And that's Dirk's fault that it is.]

Edited 2017-01-08 06:30 (UTC)

[ that was. not where dave expected this unfair confession to go, and he freezes, trying to analyze if he's doing that right now. sort of? does the list thing count as all of those? he can try to act like he doesn't think dirk will hurt him, but does that fall under maneuvering if so? it's true he expects to get hurt. he usually does. he's waiting for the next time he needs something dirk can't give and he hopes next time he won't let on what happened, but does that fall under seeing dirk as an enemy as well? ]

Do you not wanna do the list thing?

[ his voice sounds stupid but dave honestly can't think of another question because he's not sure how to give dirk a reassurance he'll believe or how to ask about the topic at all. ]

Does this...count as me doing that.

No! No, this isn't that. This is working things out.

[Now he feels bad. Now he feels like he hurt Dave in a different way.]

This is why it isn't fair. It's when we were in the alien base and you started trying to set up the pieces so you could stop me from forcing you to let me move into the tower.

It isn't fair because that's on me. I can't ask you not to feel attacked by me when I'm the one who's making you feel attacked. Whether or not I mean to do it, it's a thing I need to work on for you, and not a thing you need to not do to me. So it's on my list for myself. I think I can do better at it now that I understand more about our situations.

I wasn't respondin' to you like the enemy, I was respondin' to me like the enemy. At that time.

[ IN...HIS OWN MIND...sure dave dirk completely would have seen it that way you do you ]

You weren't the enemy in that situation, I was the one tryin' to storm the goddamned castle gates. You were defending.

[ok now dirk has decided he IS the enemy?

this is stupid and they haven't even gotten to dirk's supposed trigger]

Oh my god. My wantin' to move in together at all was the enemy, Dirk, the rest of it was to stop you doin' somethin' stupid without thinkin' it through.

[ because doing the stupid thing dave wanted which wasn't fair automatically would be stupid? by dave's standards and he thinks most other people's. ]

You asked to move in like immediately. And I know your actual worth rather than what you value yourself at, so - obviously people would fuckin' miss you bein' around the base. Rose might find it reassurin', and you say Jake wouldn't care and I'll take you at your word there, but what about Mom? Or everyone else? I don't want you to do somethin' that's goin' to hurt a bunch of other people because that would hurt you so in this situation I was the enemy for bringin' it up when I knew you'd agree to come with. Or I thought I did. It's why I never asked.

Edited 2017-01-08 06:51 (UTC)

[Some things make sense now, and he has a lot of problems with it, but also]

We did not need me not figuring out the trigger you claim I have to confirm that we're idiots. The data abounds beyond scientific belief.

Dude, you definitely have a fuckin' trigger. Was that it on your no list?

[ also, said without any particular ire: ]

And fuck you, you're the bigger idiot in this particular situation. I'm, like, the lesser idiot who dresses nicer.

I am literally in a suit right now.

[so screw you. dirk tries to think about it but]

I think. For working on things, I'd like to work on figuring out how to express my feelings to you more consistently and coherently. [Also, just. More.]

Ok. How do you want me to help with that part?

[ they have discussed how dirk is helping with, like, the parts that are on dave's work-on-it-list.

well. they didn't discuss the flashstepping business but they. can do that later. when warpers cease to exist. ]

Also you are but it doesn't count 'till you do it on the regular.

Edited 2017-01-08 07:00 (UTC)

[Right. That thing. That is a thing. He does think this over and he does have a thought but it's really dumb]

I don't know if you've noticed, but it occasionally slips my mind that I haven't adequately expressed my feelings on the subject, or the entire fact that I do have feelings on the matter doesn't seem particularly relevant to me. It might help if you called me out on that.

If that's not bad?

Uh. I do ask you about it sometimes.

[ and then DROPS IT IMMEDIATELY if he doesn't get anything back. ]

Did you want me to like. Ask you...more than once? When it comes up? Or to remind you about the list, or.

It's occurred to me that sometimes I miss when you're asking it.

[Because he's an idiot.]

Do you think you could? If I seem to miss it. Remind me about the list.

Yeah. [ if dirk wants him to, it's easy enough to agree. and might be easier than...asking once, dropping it, then springing it on dirk again days or weeks or months later.

like an idiot. ]

Yeah, I can do that. Is there anything else for the work-on-it subclause?

Not immediately. Is it... okay for me to tell you if I think of something?

[he's. genuinely unsure if he's allowed to add things later]

Yes? [ they are so bad at this ] That's. Like, the point. Right? I think. I mean, you wanted to do the communication thing, so, we have to...like...talk to one another about shit. Presumably. I'm just, like, hazardin' a guess on that one. We could also try just forgettin' it and never speakin' of it ever again, but somehow even I can see that would be a terrible idea.

[ but it sounds so fun. ]

Anyway. The thing that should be in your no column was originally a subclause agreement, I guess, once upon a time. I don't think it covers what you need in full to not get set off.

Right.

[That makes sense. And they should do that. And not do the other thing.]

Although as far as communication goes, you are putting Rose to shame here on obscurity. Some context, and possibly some specific nouns, would not be unappreciated.

We agreed back then I'd tell you when I fucked off, and I've agreed since not to do that without someone else along for the ride.

[ despite the fact sometimes he would like to ditch the world for a solo roadtrip, he won't. he kind of expects everyone else to try to keep to the buddy system too as a result now though, because he gets the reasoning behind people not wanting him out on his own alone. ]

That's not enough, or doesn't cover all the situations in which I've fucked up and made you think you're a halfstep away from being alone forever. The trigger I was referrin' to was isolation. Childhood developmental fear. Right?

Edited 2017-01-08 07:19 (UTC)

[Oh.]

The whole point of this trip was me trying to tell you what I meant by isolation as an issue. My argument against it as a trigger is that it isn't like a broad concept is sufficient as a descriptor for something to avoid. Besides which, it isn't as if I was traumatized by isolation in my youth.

[Or.

Dirk frowns.]

Isolation isn't the same thing as puppets.

Ok, that's a true point, but also? It's a fuckin' dumb one.

[ that is definitely the best way to put this. ]

If we start comparin' and contrastin' our issues we'll be here all day and you haven't even commented on the oranges? [ THAT HE MADE BRIGHT BLUE. in this little grove dirk dreamed up. ] It's not the same thing, but it is a thing that makes you feel...

[ he searches for the words. ]

Small and stupid and weak and useless. Right? If we have to compare anythin', we can at least probably agree that it feels to you as terrible as some of my shit feels to me. Just in a different way. And I wasn't suggestin' we avoid "isolation" as a broad descriptor. We can narrow it down, genius.

Edited 2017-01-08 07:29 (UTC)

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